Fwd: [Wholesome-Vegetarian-Humor] A Letter to Your Cats and/or Dogs -- Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Complain About Our Pets

May 18, 2005

--- " Maynard S. Clark " <MaynardClark

wrote:

> Wholesome-Vegetarian-Humor (AT) Groups (DOT) com,

>

> Tue, 10 May 2005 16:58:50 -0700 (PDT)

> [Wholesome-Vegetarian-Humor] A Letter

> to Your Cats and/or Dogs -- Rules for Non-Pet

> Owners Who Visit and Complain About Our Pets

>

> A Letter to Your Cats and/or Dogs The dishes

> with the paw print are yours and contain your

> food. The other dishes are mine and contain my

> food. Please note, placing a paw print in the

> middle of my plate and food does not stake a

> claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor

> do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the

> slightest.

>

> The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is

> not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is

> not the object. Tripping me doesn't help

> because I fall faster than you can run.

>

> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized

> bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I

> will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure

> your comfort.

>

> Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball

> when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep

> perpendicular to each other stretched out to

> the fullest extent possible. I also know that

> sticking tails straight out and having tongues

> hanging out the other end to maximize space is

> nothing but sarcasm.

>

> For the last time, there is not a secret exit

> from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat

> you there and manage to get the door shut, it

> is not necessary to claw, whine, bark, meow,

> try to turn the knob or get your paw under the

> edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit

> through the same door I entered.

>

> Also, I have been using the bathroom for years

> - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

>

> The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the

> other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this

> enough!

>

> To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the

> following 'Rules' on our front door.

>

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> Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Complain

> About Our Pets 1. They live here. You don't.

>

> 2. If you don't want their hair on your

> clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why

> they call it " fur " niture.)

>

> 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most

> people.

>

> 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an

> adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy and

> walks on all fours. Although they doesn't speak

> clearly, they communicate extremely well,

> especially cats.

>

> 5. Dogs and cats are better than kids ...they

> eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are

> easier to train, usually come when called (this

> does not apply to cats), never drive your car,

> don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't

> smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy

> the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes,

> and don't need a gazillion dollars for college.

> Also, if they get pregnant, you can sell the

> children!!!

>

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May 18, 2005

I got a great laugh from this. Thanks for sending it :-)

N.

Nancy Parlette HEALTHY LIVING STRATEGIES Natural Health Counselor Nutrition Educator (410) 531-2410 healthylivingstrategies http://www.healthylivingstrategies.net/

> Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Complain> About Our Pets 1. They live here. You don't. > > 2. If you don't want their hair on your> clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why> they call it "fur"niture.) > > 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most> people. > > 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an> adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy and> walks on all fours. Although they doesn't speak> clearly, they communicate extremely well,> especially cats. > > 5. Dogs and cats are better than kids ...they> eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are> easier to train, usually come when called (this> does not apply to cats), never drive your car,> don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't> smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy> the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes,> and don't need a gazillion dollars for college.> Also, if they get pregnant, you can sell the> children!!! > Mail Mobile Take Mail with you! Check email on your mobile phone. http://mobile./learn/mail