Hope no one is offended.... part 1

February 1, 2001

I just HAD to post this for you all (thanks to

Pluto1117 for sending it to me.Pluto1117 is a very good non

veggie friend of mine!)... of course, being an astronomy

person thinking about the possibility of life out in the

universe, I had never thought about what the other " beings "

might think about us. I thought this man's conception

was hilarious...(Partly Pluto's words)

Meat -------------------------------\

---------------- " They're made out of meat. " " Meat? " " Meat.

They're made out of meat. " " Meat? " " There's

no doubt about it. We picked several from different

parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon

vessels, probed them all the way through. They're

completely meat. " " That's impossible. What about the

radio signals? The messages to the stars. " " They

use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't

come from them. The signals come from

machines. " " So who made the machines? That's who we want to

contact. " " They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell

you. Meat made the machines. " " That's

ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to

believe in sentient meat. " " I'm not asking you, I

'm telling you. These creatures are the only

sentient race in the sector and they're made out of

meat. " " Maybe they're like the Orfolei. You know, a

carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat

stage. " " Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied

them for several of their life spans, which didn't

take too long. Do you have any idea the life span of

meat? " " Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know,

like the Weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma

brain inside. " " Nope. We thought of that, since

they do have meat heads like the Weddilei. But I told

you, we probed them. They're meat all the way

through. " " No brain? " " Oh, there is a brain all right.

It's just that the brain is made out of

meat! " " So... what does the thinking? " " You're not

understanding, are you? The brain does the thinking. The

meat. " " Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking

meat! " " Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat.

Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you getting

the picture? " " Omigod. You're serious then.

They're made out of meat. " " Finally, Yes. They are

indeed made out meat. And they've been trying to get in

touch with us for almost a hundred of their

years. " " So what does the meat have in mind. " " First

it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to

explore the universe, contact other sentients, swap ideas

and information. The usual. " " We're supposed

to talk to meat? " " That's the idea. That's

the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello.

Anyone out there? Anyone home?' That sort of

thing. " " They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas,

concepts? " " Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat. " " I

thought you just told me they used radio. " " They

do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat

sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat it makes

a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each

other. They can even sing by squirting air through their

meat. " " Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So

what do you advise? " " Officially or

unofficially? " " Both. " " Officially, we are required to contact,

welcome, and log in

any and all sentient races or multibeings in the

quadrant, without prejudice, fear, or favor. Unofficially,

I advise that we erase the records and forget the

whole thing. " ~See next message for the rest...

too long!~ Chris

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Hope no one is offended.... part 1

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