OT/Britain takes more draconian steps

[Guest guest]

(fwd)

 

In a precautionary measure the Government has decided that in order to

safeguard the future of British farming, everyone in the United Kingdom

should be destroyed.

 

This policy was agreed by the Prime Minister late last night at a secret

policy meeting in Gloucester in front of 500 angry farmers bearing lit

torches and waving pitchforks. It was explained to the PM by his

Agricultural Minister, Mr Nick Brown that, far from being their own

fault, as simple country-dwelling folk, farmers could not be expected to

deal with " citified new-fangled nonsense " such as " insurance " and

" vaccinations " .

 

Mr Blair has concluded that the only sure-fire way of protecting farmers

is to ensure that all living things within a hundred mile radius of the

British coast line are immediately exterminated. The army and police

have been called in, and the slaughter of men, women and children is

due to begin

at midnight. It is expected that within days, mass burning of villages

will commence, with all people in South, East & North London due for

destruction a week Tuesday.

 

Television companies are reported to be overjoyed at this news. Channel

4 is already planning a real life themed game show " Big Barbecue " where

the public will ring in and vote on which part of the country is to be

incinerated first, and ITV will be showing 24 hour coverage, hosted by

Trevor McDonald and Des Lynam, who will be ceremonially torched at the

conclusion of the operation. All phone proceeds go to Comic Relief.

 

Farming expert Dr Hugo Z. Hackenbush commented that these measures were

a proportionate and measured response to the crisis - " the Government's

proposal is entirely understandable, I fully support them, " he said as

he booked his flight to New Zealand. It is expected that within two weeks

of this policy being carried out foot and mouth disease will entirely

eradicated from the United Kingdom.

 

The Prime Minister's Press Secretary said that the plan was unlikely to

affect the date of the General Election