A tasting of four meatless “turkeys� for the holiday table

[Guest guest]

ugh...they steamed the Field Roast, and they liked Quorn the best.

 

 

http://www.grist.org/article/2009-11-19-faux-turkey-thanksgiving/

 

 

Are you faux real?

 

A tasting of four meatless “turkeys†for the holiday table 7

 

Posted 2:55 PM on 19 Nov 2009

by Lou Bendrick More from this author

 

Given the ire I provoked in last year’s turkey column, it’s high time that

this Grist columnist acknowledges that:

 

A. Meat-centric holidays such as Thanksgiving can be challenging for vegetarians

and evoke all kinds of emotions—including, but not limited to, extreme

irritation toward carnivores.

 

B. These carnivores are likely to get very defensive, harrassed by the guilty

knowledge that even a heritage-breed, biodynamic, locally raised, and gently

killed bird probably isn’t as environmentally or morally justifiable as a

plant-based meal—even if that plant-based meal is highly processed, lavishly

packaged, and distantly shipped.

 

C. Any moral high ground gained by having a plant-based Thanksgiving may become

absolutely meaningless if you screw up a happy, festive experience with a

protein centerpiece that looks gross, or worse yet, has a flavor capable of

sending guests, carnivorous and non, in search of a Butterball.

 

These facts, combined with a directive from my boss, have led me into the world

of fake turkey. (Oh, I do it all for you, dear reader!) I went looking for a

turkey-like main course that could please vegetarians and flummox the carnivores

who insist that all faux meat sucks. And so I assembled a broad panel of

tasters: three former vegetarians (including me, a former Michio

Kushi-worshipping macrobiotic), one devout carnivore, and one actual

full-fledged vegetarian (15 years running). The panel also included four

children, whose ages range from two to nine, and whose approaches to eating run

from adventurous to upsettingly fussy. Together we sampled several seasonal faux

turkey products to see if any could produce the happy, bloated contentment of

holidays past, whilst simultaneously embracing the spirit of change,

earth-friendliness, inter-species kindness, and so forth.

 

How’d we do? Read on.

 

 

 

Tofurky Vegetarian Feast

Ingredients: Water, vital wheat gluten, organic tofu (water, organic soybeans,

magnesium chloride, calcium chloride), white beans, garbanzo beans, non

genetically engineered corn starch, natural vegetarian flavor, expeller pressed

non genetically engineered canola oil, shoyu soy sauce (water, non genetically

engineered soy beans, wheat, salt, culture), spices, lemon juice, calcium

lactate from beets.

Price: $24.99 for a total of 3 lbs of food—“turkey†plus sides—from

Whole Foods. Note: You can buy a single Tofurky roast, but I decided to splurge

on the “feast,†which for some odd reason included not only a Tofurky giblet

(!) and mushroom gravy also but dumplings and a jerky wishbone. (Who says

vegetarians don’t have a sense of humor!)

 

Tasters were not sure whether to be comforted or disturbed by the fact that this

product had a skin, which one taster described as smelling like “art class.â€

All tasters struggled for texture descriptors for Tofurky (motto: “America’s

Leading Turkey Alternative Since 1995â€), but the most evocative was “squeaky

on the teeth.†Two tasters described the taste as bologna-like and most

concurred that this “bird†was salty. Strangest overall comment: “Carp

would love this.†The most backhanded compliment came out of the mouth of a

babe, who, to the chagrin of her parents, exclaimed “It tastes like

McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets, and I like those!â€

 

 

Quorn Turk’y Roast

Ingredients: Mycoprotein (58%), rehydrated egg white, pea fiber. Contains 2% or

less of autolyzed yeast extract, onion powder, tapioca and potato maltodextrin,

natural flavor from non-meat sources, salt, dextrose, gum arabic, calcium

lactate, sage extract, canola oil, citric acid, garlic powder, pepper, sunflower

& palm kernel oil

Price: $8.59 for 16 oz roast at my local grocery store

 

This product came highly recommended from Steven, the frozen foods manager at my

favorite grocery store who also happens to be a bona fide vegetarian. Indeed,

our panel’s own vegetarian taster admitted that she ate it “voluntarilyâ€

and deemed it the most turkey-like, juicy, and “pure.†The devoted

carnivore, meanwhile, agreed it was turkey-like, but added that it was “dry,

like an over-cooked turkey breast.†Overall, the group applauded Quorn’s

un-stuffed, putty-colored honesty: As one taster put it, “It’s not trying

too hard to be turkey.†Tellingly, this was the only faux turkey product that

the kids wanted more of, asserting that it tasted either like chicken, or,

weirdly, like pizza. Thank god they didn’t know it was largely made from

fungus.

 

Full disclosure: The cooking directions called for this roast called for it to

be cooked in its plastic “film.†There was no way in hell I was going to

heat food in plastic, so I wrapped it snugly in aluminum foil. If this

compromised the taste or texture in any way, we were none the wiser.

 

 

Field Roast Celebration Roast

Ingredients: Filtered water, vital wheat gluten, expeller pressed safflower oil,

naturally flavored yeast extract, barley malt, butternut squash, organic wheat

flour, granulated garlic, apples, mushrooms, onion powder, garlic organic wheat

flakes, yellow pea flour, lemon juice, red wine, tomato paste, irish moss (sea

vegetable) extract, black pepper, rubbed sage, rosemary, spices, natural liquid

smoke and paprika.

Price: $7.99 for 1lb roast at Whole Foods

 

Though it’s maketed as a “roast,†the manufacturer lists steaming as a

method for getting this fist-sized, squarish product ready for the table. I

associate the holidays with roasting, but got over my cultural baggage and gave

steaming a try. The method wins points for quickness and ease—but probably

didn’t help this product’s texture, which inspired descriptions like

“unfortunate†and was compared to rubber, cement,

and—oxymoronically—“dried pudding.†More than one taster declared its

flavor spicy. More specifically, tasters said it was like “Vegeroni†or

“varnished pine.†The most damning comment came from a kid who said, “I

would eat this for $10.â€

 

 

Gardein Stuffed Turk’y Roast

Ingredients: Water, soy protein, vital wheat gluten, bread crumbs (enriched

wheat flour (niacin, reduced iron, thiamine mononitrate, riboflavin, folic

acid)), dehydrated cranberries, natural flavors (from plant sources), modified

vegetable gum, potato starch, long grain white rice, wild rice, expeller pressed

canola oil and/or safflower oil, dehydrated onion and garlic, parsley flakes,

spices, pea protein, carrot fiber, organic beet root fiber, organic evaporated

cane juice, sea salt. Breading: modified corn starch, modified wheat starch,

corn flour, wheat flour, sugar, toasted wheat crumbs, wheat gluten, sea salt,

sugar, garlic powder, spice, onion powder, sunflower oil, dextrose, guar gum,

yeast, extractives of paprika, caramel color.

Price: Time for a “full disclosure.†I couldn’t find this product at my

local grocery stores or the nearest urban Whole Foods (where it is allegedly

found, seasonally), so I had to call up its Canadian producer and ask for some.

I don’t normally like to take freebies because I think they compromise

journalists, but I was in a jam and there you have it. Oh, and they sent me some

chicken-y items, too, that we didn’t have the time or room to taste. Truth be

told, after just four veggie products, my panel was pissing and moaning and very

ready for pie to be served. (Btw: It was this pie, made freshly by the Devout

Carnivore.) In any case, the suggested retail is $3.99 per individual Gardein

Stuffed Turk’y Roast.

 

Although this product looked like a “dog treat,†as one taster aptly put it,

it was the runner-up to the Quorn roast, at least for the adult tasters who

almost unanimously found the taste to be smoky or hot-dog like. Most laudatory

comment: “Nice crunchy coating.†Most frustrated: “What the f**k is in the

middle?†It fared dramatically worse with the kids, who reacted to it with

terrible faces. One child, perhaps owing to the fact that bedtime was

approaching and dessert had not yet been served, even threw her chunk onto the

floor and wailed that it tasted like “rotten eggs.â€

 

One more disclosure: I also ordered a Stuffed Faux Turkey Breast from Café

Indigo to see if a local (New England, in my case) and more boutique product

($25 plus shipping) was somehow tastier. But because of a shipping snafu, this

banana bread look-alike seitan “breast†did not arrive in time for the group

tasting and therefore did not have the benefit of an expert wine-lit panel. But

I will say this about it: Seitan products are all more alike than they are

different. They tend to be chewy and, at least to me, they all smell like

bullion.

 

 

The Bottom Line: Do not, under any circumstances, let your dinner guests see

any faux turkey products in pre-presentation form. Use the time-honored

technique for overcooked real turkeys: Serve it sliced and attractively fanned

out, smothered with gravy and cranberry sauce, presented to appropriately hungry

diners whose palates have been primed by way too much Beaujolais Nouveau. In

that spirit, consider the unpretentious and affordable Quorn roast. Otherwise,

consider starting an entirely new tradition, one that skips highly processed and

packaged food products and bases the entire meal on, say, homemade pie.

There’s a new Thanksgiving tradition I’m sure vegetarians and carnivores

could all agree on.

 

 

Lou Bendrick is a former contributor to the High Country News Writers on the

Range syndication service whose freelance work now appears in various

publications.

 

 

 

Comments

 

 

askantik

Posted 6:34 am

20 Nov 2009

In my opinion, a better-tasting, cheaper, and " greener " protein at Thanksgiving

would be homemade seitan. It's quite easy to make and is quite scrumptious if

you get a decent recipe. You can even make a big log shape of it and put it in

the crock pot with some potatoes and carrots and a mushroom gravy. Sliced, it

doesn't look like turkey (it's too dark), but the texture is pretty close and

it's never dry. Plus you can flavor it exactly like you want.

 

Try this recipe. I usually leave the lemon zest, tomato paste, and soy sauce out

and just use some veggie broth and seasonings of my choice. I'm not sure how

much of a difference the nutritional yeast makes for the taste, but it's

healthy, so I toss it in. If you want something different, you can always fry,

saute, or grill the finished seitan. Highly recommended over any pre-packaged

stuff. It takes a little work, but most of the time spent to make it is just the

stuff simmering in a pot of water.

 

I'll be making some next week! Along with some vegan green bean casserole (I

can't recommend this recipe enough:

http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/2006/11/best-vegan-green-bean-casserole.html) and

some vegan pecan pie.

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..

wobblie pressman

Posted 8:56 am

20 Nov 2009

Um, the seitan recipe?

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askantik

Posted 8:58 am

20 Nov 2009

Sorry

 

http://theppk.com/recipes/dbrecipes/index.php?RecipeID=112

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...

Craig D

Posted 9:33 am

20 Nov 2009

ugh! why would you steam a roast?!?

dont follow those really weird recommendations.

Drizzle the roast with olive oil (or melted Earth Balance if you want the

buttery taste) and herby seasonings and put it in the oven and bast it a couple

more times while in the oven. The same goes for all the brands of meatless

" turkeys " .

I have never tried the Gardien brand but the other 3 all taste pretty decent and

have decent texture.

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..

Green T

Posted 9:34 am

20 Nov 2009

Thanks for this informative and humorous article. I'm not yet a full vegetarian

but wanted to go meatless this T-Day. I've tried the Quorn roast and while not

totally put off, was not overly impressed either. I've decided to try the

homemade " turkey " at vegweb.com before the actual day to see if it would fly.

 

http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=7446.0

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..

CyberBrook

Posted 9:40 am

20 Nov 2009

I don't like Thanksgiving to begin with (celebrating one genocide by committing

another: http://www.counterpunch.org/brook1126.html ), but if you must, please

be gentle ( http://www.gentlethanksgiving.org ).

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askantik

Posted 9:49 am

20 Nov 2009

I don't think Thanksgiving is a celebration of the genocide of Native Americans.

At least, not for me... I can't speak for others. But if you wanna know

something that really irks me is that we have a national holiday for Christopher

Columbus, the man who thought the natives were stupid the moment he met him (you

can read some of his writing on the subject), yet he never even realized he

wasn't in the Indies, heh...

Permalink

Reply

 

 

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me!

[Guest guest]

I don't need any faux turkey, I just eat the sides.Patricia--- On Fri, 11/20/09, fraggle <EBbrewpunx wrote:fraggle <EBbrewpunx A tasting of four meatless “turkeys†for the holiday table"vegan chat" , "vegan-network" <vegan-network >Friday, November 20, 2009, 10:42 AMugh...they steamed the Field Roast, and they liked Quorn the best.http://www.grist.org/article/2009-11-19-faux-turkey-thanksgiving/Are you faux real? A tasting of four meatless “turkeys†for the holiday table 7 Posted 2:55 PM on 19 Nov 2009by Lou Bendrick More from this author Given the ire I provoked in last year’s turkey column, it’s high time that this Grist columnist acknowledges that:A. Meat-centric holidays such as Thanksgiving can be challenging for vegetarians and evoke all kinds of emotions—including, but not limited to, extreme irritation toward carnivores.B. These carnivores are likely to get very defensive, harrassed by the guilty knowledge that even a heritage-breed, biodynamic, locally raised, and gently killed bird probably isn’t as environmentally or morally justifiable as a plant-based meal—even if that plant-based meal is highly processed, lavishly packaged, and distantly shipped.C. Any moral high ground

gained by having a plant-based Thanksgiving may become absolutely meaningless if you screw up a happy, festive experience with a protein centerpiece that looks gross, or worse yet, has a flavor capable of sending guests, carnivorous and non, in search of a Butterball.These facts, combined with a directive from my boss, have led me into the world of fake turkey. (Oh, I do it all for you, dear reader!) I went looking for a turkey-like main course that could please vegetarians and flummox the carnivores who insist that all faux meat sucks. And so I assembled a broad panel of tasters: three former vegetarians (including me, a former Michio Kushi-worshipping macrobiotic), one devout carnivore, and one actual full-fledged vegetarian (15 years running). The panel also included four children, whose ages range from two to nine, and whose approaches to eating run from adventurous to upsettingly fussy. Together we sampled several seasonal faux turkey

products to see if any could produce the happy, bloated contentment of holidays past, whilst simultaneously embracing the spirit of change, earth-friendliness, inter-species kindness, and so forth.How’d we do? Read on.Tofurky Vegetarian FeastIngredients: Water, vital wheat gluten, organic tofu (water, organic soybeans, magnesium chloride, calcium chloride), white beans, garbanzo beans, non genetically engineered corn starch, natural vegetarian flavor, expeller pressed non genetically engineered canola oil, shoyu soy sauce (water, non genetically engineered soy beans, wheat, salt, culture), spices, lemon juice, calcium lactate from beets. Price: $24.99 for a total of 3 lbs of food—“turkey†plus sides—from Whole Foods. Note: You can buy a single Tofurky roast, but I decided to splurge on the “feast,†which for some odd reason included not only a Tofurky giblet (!) and mushroom gravy also but dumplings and a

jerky wishbone. (Who says vegetarians don’t have a sense of humor!)Tasters were not sure whether to be comforted or disturbed by the fact that this product had a skin, which one taster described as smelling like “art class.†All tasters struggled for texture descriptors for Tofurky (motto: “America’s Leading Turkey Alternative Since 1995â€), but the most evocative was “squeaky on the teeth.†Two tasters described the taste as bologna-like and most concurred that this “bird†was salty. Strangest overall comment: “Carp would love this.†The most backhanded compliment came out of the mouth of a babe, who, to the chagrin of her parents, exclaimed “It tastes like McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets, and I like those!â€Quorn Turk’y Roast Ingredients: Mycoprotein (58%), rehydrated egg white, pea fiber. Contains 2% or less of autolyzed yeast extract, onion powder, tapioca and potato maltodextrin, natural

flavor from non-meat sources, salt, dextrose, gum arabic, calcium lactate, sage extract, canola oil, citric acid, garlic powder, pepper, sunflower & palm kernel oil Price: $8.59 for 16 oz roast at my local grocery storeThis product came highly recommended from Steven, the frozen foods manager at my favorite grocery store who also happens to be a bona fide vegetarian. Indeed, our panel’s own vegetarian taster admitted that she ate it “voluntarily†and deemed it the most turkey-like, juicy, and “pure.†The devoted carnivore, meanwhile, agreed it was turkey-like, but added that it was “dry, like an over-cooked turkey breast.†Overall, the group applauded Quorn’s un-stuffed, putty-colored honesty: As one taster put it, “It’s not trying too hard to be turkey.†Tellingly, this was the only faux turkey product that the kids wanted more of, asserting that it tasted either like chicken, or, weirdly, like pizza.

Thank god they didn’t know it was largely made from fungus.Full disclosure: The cooking directions called for this roast called for it to be cooked in its plastic “film.†There was no way in hell I was going to heat food in plastic, so I wrapped it snugly in aluminum foil. If this compromised the taste or texture in any way, we were none the wiser.Field Roast Celebration RoastIngredients: Filtered water, vital wheat gluten, expeller pressed safflower oil, naturally flavored yeast extract, barley malt, butternut squash, organic wheat flour, granulated garlic, apples, mushrooms, onion powder, garlic organic wheat flakes, yellow pea flour, lemon juice, red wine, tomato paste, irish moss (sea vegetable) extract, black pepper, rubbed sage, rosemary, spices, natural liquid smoke and paprika. Price: $7.99 for 1lb roast at Whole FoodsThough it’s maketed as a “roast,†the manufacturer lists steaming as a method for

getting this fist-sized, squarish product ready for the table. I associate the holidays with roasting, but got over my cultural baggage and gave steaming a try. The method wins points for quickness and ease—but probably didn’t help this product’s texture, which inspired descriptions like “unfortunate†and was compared to rubber, cement, and—oxymoronically—“dried pudding.†More than one taster declared its flavor spicy. More specifically, tasters said it was like “Vegeroni†or “varnished pine.†The most damning comment came from a kid who said, “I would eat this for $10.â€Gardein Stuffed Turk’y Roast Ingredients: Water, soy protein, vital wheat gluten, bread crumbs (enriched wheat flour (niacin, reduced iron, thiamine mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid)), dehydrated cranberries, natural flavors (from plant sources), modified vegetable gum, potato starch, long grain white rice, wild rice, expeller pressed

canola oil and/or safflower oil, dehydrated onion and garlic, parsley flakes, spices, pea protein, carrot fiber, organic beet root fiber, organic evaporated cane juice, sea salt. Breading: modified corn starch, modified wheat starch, corn flour, wheat flour, sugar, toasted wheat crumbs, wheat gluten, sea salt, sugar, garlic powder, spice, onion powder, sunflower oil, dextrose, guar gum, yeast, extractives of paprika, caramel color. Price: Time for a “full disclosure.†I couldn’t find this product at my local grocery stores or the nearest urban Whole Foods (where it is allegedly found, seasonally), so I had to call up its Canadian producer and ask for some. I don’t normally like to take freebies because I think they compromise journalists, but I was in a jam and there you have it. Oh, and they sent me some chicken-y items, too, that we didn’t have the time or room to taste. Truth be told, after just four veggie products, my panel was

pissing and moaning and very ready for pie to be served. (Btw: It was this pie, made freshly by the Devout Carnivore.) In any case, the suggested retail is $3.99 per individual Gardein Stuffed Turk’y Roast.Although this product looked like a “dog treat,†as one taster aptly put it, it was the runner-up to the Quorn roast, at least for the adult tasters who almost unanimously found the taste to be smoky or hot-dog like. Most laudatory comment: “Nice crunchy coating.†Most frustrated: “What the f**k is in the middle?†It fared dramatically worse with the kids, who reacted to it with terrible faces. One child, perhaps owing to the fact that bedtime was approaching and dessert had not yet been served, even threw her chunk onto the floor and wailed that it tasted like “rotten eggs.â€One more disclosure: I also ordered a Stuffed Faux Turkey Breast from Café Indigo to see if a local (New England, in my case) and

more boutique product ($25 plus shipping) was somehow tastier. But because of a shipping snafu, this banana bread look-alike seitan “breast†did not arrive in time for the group tasting and therefore did not have the benefit of an expert wine-lit panel. But I will say this about it: Seitan products are all more alike than they are different. They tend to be chewy and, at least to me, they all smell like bullion. The Bottom Line: Do not, under any circumstances, let your dinner guests see any faux turkey products in pre-presentation form. Use the time-honored technique for overcooked real turkeys: Serve it sliced and attractively fanned out, smothered with gravy and cranberry sauce, presented to appropriately hungry diners whose palates have been primed by way too much Beaujolais Nouveau. In that spirit, consider the unpretentious and affordable Quorn roast. Otherwise, consider starting an entirely new tradition, one that skips

highly processed and packaged food products and bases the entire meal on, say, homemade pie. There’s a new Thanksgiving tradition I’m sure vegetarians and carnivores could all agree on.Lou Bendrick is a former contributor to the High Country News Writers on the Range syndication service whose freelance work now appears in various publications.Comments askantik Posted 6:34 am20 Nov 2009 In my opinion, a better-tasting, cheaper, and "greener" protein at Thanksgiving would be homemade seitan. It's quite easy to make and is quite scrumptious if you get a decent recipe. You can even make a big log shape of it and put it in the crock pot with some potatoes and carrots and a mushroom gravy. Sliced, it doesn't look like turkey (it's too dark), but the texture is pretty close and it's never dry. Plus you can flavor it exactly like you want.Try this recipe. I usually leave the lemon zest,

tomato paste, and soy sauce out and just use some veggie broth and seasonings of my choice. I'm not sure how much of a difference the nutritional yeast makes for the taste, but it's healthy, so I toss it in. If you want something different, you can always fry, saute, or grill the finished seitan. Highly recommended over any pre-packaged stuff. It takes a little work, but most of the time spent to make it is just the stuff simmering in a pot of water. I'll be making some next week! Along with some vegan green bean casserole (I can't recommend this recipe enough: http://blog.fatfreevegan.com/2006/11/best-vegan-green-bean-casserole.html) and some vegan pecan pie. Permalink Reply. wobblie pressman Posted 8:56 am20 Nov 2009 Um, the seitan recipe? Permalink ReplyShow Replies/Hide Replies

askantik Posted 8:58 am20 Nov 2009 Sorry http://theppk.com/recipes/dbrecipes/index.php?RecipeID=112 Permalink Reply.. Craig D Posted 9:33 am20 Nov 2009 ugh! why would you steam a roast?!?dont follow those really weird recommendations.Drizzle the roast with olive oil (or melted Earth Balance if you want the buttery taste) and herby seasonings and put it in the oven and bast it a couple more times while in the oven. The same goes for all the brands of meatless "turkeys".I have never tried the Gardien brand but the other 3 all taste pretty decent and have decent texture. Permalink Reply. Green T Posted 9:34 am20 Nov 2009 Thanks for this informative and humorous article. I'm not yet a full vegetarian but wanted to go meatless this T-Day. I've tried the Quorn roast and

while not totally put off, was not overly impressed either. I've decided to try the homemade "turkey" at vegweb.com before the actual day to see if it would fly.http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=7446.0 Permalink Reply. CyberBrook Posted 9:40 am20 Nov 2009 I don't like Thanksgiving to begin with (celebrating one genocide by committing another: http://www.counterpunch.org/brook1126.html ), but if you must, please be gentle ( http://www.gentlethanksgiving.org ). Permalink ReplyShow Replies/Hide Replies askantik Posted 9:49 am20 Nov 2009 I don't think Thanksgiving is a celebration of the genocide of Native Americans. At least, not for me... I can't speak for others. But if you

wanna know something that really irks me is that we have a national holiday for Christopher Columbus, the man who thought the natives were stupid the moment he met him (you can read some of his writing on the subject), yet he never even realized he wasn't in the Indies, heh... Permalink ReplyYou're just jealous because the voices only talk to me!---To send an email to -! Groups Links<*> /<*> Your email settings: Individual Email | Traditional<*> To change settings online go

to: /join ( ID required)<*> To change settings via email: -digest -fullfeatured <*>