There's no place like home

[Guest guest]

Erratic emotional sweeps. I feel a kinetic anxiety come up, and have to hold it

back. My

sympathetic nervous system seems out of wack, especially if I drink caffeine. I

start

shaking and my legs begin twitching while in class, and I feel very unsettled.

I have to

hold onto my hat in public.

 

Once I am alone, I usually masterbate to orgasm, and that opens the door to a

deep and

profound emotional release. This is the catalyst for deep unfelt sadness and

grief. It has

been there for so long.

 

Today, I am feeling like there has been some mistake. I don't belong here. I

want to go

home so badly. Like Dorothy, I feel as if I have been plopped down on a planet

that does

not know who I am and I cannot comprehend. I am in a bad movie. I deeply wish

to go

back home. I don't know if you all can understand this feeling, it is intense,

INTENSE

SEPARATION. The birth process on a larger scale. I have a feeling I am from

another

place, and this is just a sick joke, and one day I will wake up and know this is

all just a

dream. There is so much suffering here and everything happens so slowly that I

am

frustrated and sad that I have to be a part of this carnival ride.

 

Yet, the other part of me wants to help ease the burden for myself and others.

To allow

those who are unable to see have a glimpse of something else. I don't know what

that is

yet, but it creeps into me like a distant memory. It is all so foggy, I have to

get clear, and I

don't know how to. So, the sadness comes, and the tears come and the

hoplessness and

the confusion, and the fear.....

 

They took everything I have, my very body, and I don't know what else I have to

give. I

don't know if I can do this. I just want to go home.

 

Just hold me, Tara

[Guest guest]

Please Tara avoid stimulants like caffeine and processed sugars for a time. The

low they can produce within your flow can be painful. The kinetics are the

result of the new energy wanting to move through the body - let it when you

can. The shakes and the twitches are the minor kryas that will also be there for

a time. The orgasm can do more than the release but for now the release is good

but there is more if you wish it.

 

The feelings of separation from society and this world are a normal part of

this experience in the beginning. Re-integration and connection will return in a

very, very powerful way, open to this as you walk this plateau. Look around you

and experience this world in the new way. This is the cause of the feeling of

being different, the changes have made you so and all is fresh and new yet

inside the paradigm that you once new. An overlay of new music based upon a

familiar theme, but with mystery (for now).

 

You are so much loved by all who attend you and you attract many. Never alone

you are walking with an entourage that is sending you love and hope and health

and stability. These feelings you are having must be experienced and learned

from and this must be allowed to occur. I love you and send you, through the

self, a special gift of deep consideration and patience, perseverance and

protection as you discover the path of Tara through the plateau, and valleys and

mountains of the holy one you are becoming. You are held and covered with love,

open to this and you will know.....