Christmas: The Night Before Christmas - Legal Version

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'Twas The Night Before Christmas, Legal Version

 

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a

certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter " the House " ) a

general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not

limited to a mouse.

 

A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed

by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that

St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter " Claus " )

would arrive at sometime thereafter.

 

The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House,

were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal

hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats,

including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did

dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

 

Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to

as " I " ), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the parts

of the second part (hereinafter " Mamma " ), and said Mamma had retired for

a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in

various forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)

 

Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the

unimproved real property adjacent and appurtent to said House, i.e. the

lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance.

The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the

House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.

 

At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree

of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter the

" Vehicle " ) being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by

approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to

be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus.

 

Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to

the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the

animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet,

Cupid, Donder and Blitzen (hereinafter the " Deer " ). (Upon information

and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator

named Rudolph may have been involved.)

 

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer

intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several

residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and

noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other

items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or

permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House,

and Claus entered said House via the chimney.

 

Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with

residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a

portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items.

 

He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant

violation of local ordinances and health regulations.

 

Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the

minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other

small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute " gifts " to said

minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)

 

Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and

flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where

the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as " lookouts. "

 

Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.

 

However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said

House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim:

" Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night! " Or words to that effect.

 

 

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