Why Men and Women Handle Stress Differently

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Note the bit on Aromatherapy toward the bottom. :-)

 

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Why Men and Women Handle Stress Differently

 

http://webcenter.health.webmd.netscape.com/content/Article/107/108405.htm?z=2950\

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WebMD Feature

Reviewed By Brunilda Nazario, MD

 

When it comes to handling stress, men are from Venus and women are from

Mars. Why do their coping skills differ?

 

Part 1: Why Men and Women Handle Stress Differently

 

Amanda Ezman's life is a little on the stressful side these days. She's

a first-grade teacher to a classroom full of rambunctious 6-year-olds,

she's planning a July wedding, and she's house hunting with her future

husband. So it's a common occurrence for her to come home after a

harried day and feel stressed. What does she do?

 

" When it all piles up, I usually need to cry and get it all out, " says

Ezman, of Sherrill, N.Y. " I talk and then talk some more and then some

more, and then once I've had a chance to talk through all the things

that bottle up inside me during the day, I usually feel better. "

 

Andrew Flynn's pregnant wife and 5-year-old daughter have relocated from

Long Island, N.Y., to upstate N.Y., while he still works on Long Island.

He commutes once a week back and forth, and in the meantime, tries to

get his family settled in their new house near Syracuse. Stress is

unfortunately a part of his life for the time being.

 

" I don't talk about my feelings when I'm stressed, " says Flynn. " It's

easier just to let it pass and move on. "

 

Clearly, men and women tend to deal with stress in very different ways

-- but why? WebMD talks to experts who explain why stress affects the

sexes so differently.

 

Life feeling out-of-control lately? Get coping tips and more in the

Emotional Wellness newsletter.

 

Men vs. Women and Hormones

 

One of the most important reasons why men and women react differently to

stress is hormones. Three play a crucial role: cortisol, epinephrine,

and oxytocin.

 

When stress strikes, hormones called cortisol and epinephrine together

raise a person's blood pressure and circulating blood sugar level, and

cortisol alone lowers the effectiveness of the immune system.

 

" People used to think there was a difference in the amounts of cortisol

released during a stressful situation in women, " says Robert Sapolsky,

PhD, professor of neurobiology at Stanford University. " The thinking was

women released more of this hormone, and that produced all sorts of

nutty theories about why women are so emotional. "

 

But the fact of the matter, explains Sapolsky, is that there is no

consistent difference in cortisol production at all between men and

women. It really all comes down to the hormone called oxytocin.

 

In women, when cortisol and epinephrine rush through the bloodstream in

a stressful situation, oxytocin comes into play. It is released from the

brain, countering the production of cortisol and epinephrine, and

promoting nurturing and relaxing emotions.

 

While men also secrete the hormone oxytocin when they're stressed, it's

in much smaller amounts, leaving them on the short end of the stick when

it comes to stress and hormones.

 

Part 2: Coping Strategies for Men and Women

 

When men get stressed, their natural response leans toward flight or

fight. Do they turn tail and run or stick around and gut it out?

 

When women get stressed, the theory is they either tend or befriend --

that is, nurture those around them or reach out to others.

 

Men and women clearly react to stress differently. So when it comes time

to decompress, their ways of unwinding differ as well.

 

" Managing stress is often different by sex, " says Carl Pickhardt, PhD, a

psychologist and author of The Everything Parent's Guide to Positive

Discipline. " Women often seek support to talk out the emotional

experience, to process what is happening and what might be done. Men

often seek a companionship activity to get relief from stress, to create

a relaxing diversion or escape. "

 

Whether it's a support group or a compassionate friend, a round of golf

or a run in the park, experts give WebMD practical tips for both sexes

on how to unwind when stress strikes.

 

Stress Tips for Women

 

It was only a few years ago that the " tend or befriend " theory was

developed by a leading psychologist in the field, Shelly E. Taylor, PhD,

a distinguished professor in the department of psychology at the

University of California, Los Angeles. The study, published in the July

2000 issue of Psychological Review, reported that women were more likely

to deal with stress by taking care of their loved ones, or by leaning on

a friend or family member for support.

 

With this new theory tailored just for women serving as a guideline for

how they can deal with stress, experts offer these tips:

 

* Develop a first aid kit for stress. " Since women are so

relationship dependent, it's important for them to have a strong support

system in place, " says Carol Goldberg, PhD, a clinical psychologist

specializing in stress management. " It's just like having a first aid

kit for when you cut your finger --having this support system in place

is a first aid kit for stress that you can count on in an emergency. "

 

* Make sure that your support system is effective. " Whether its

relatives or friends, seek out people who are good for you in a

stressful situation, " says Goldberg, who hosts a weekly television

program in New York. " You need people who don't panic under pressure,

who aren't depressed, and who aren't worst-case-scenario thinkers. Make

sure the people you have around you when you're stressed handle it well. "

 

* Find a friend who can keep a secret. " It's important that the

people you have around you can respect your privacy when you're

stressed, " says Goldberg.

 

* Tell your story. " When it helps, tell your story, " Goldberg tells

WebMD. " If you are among the women who feel better talking about stress,

don't keep it bottled up. Instead, get out with a trusted friend who

will lend a compassionate ear. And avoid obsessing, which can depress

you both. "

 

* Say " no " when you're stressed. Women tend to put on a superwoman

cape when they're stressed, doing too much for too many people and

forgetting about themselves in the meantime. This, clearly, is something

to avoid. " Women can selflessly help too much at their own costs, " says

Pickhardt, who is a spokesman for the American Psychological

Association. So remember to put yourself first when you're feeling stressed.

 

* Say " yes " to the simple things in life. " Say 'yes' to investing

in yourself for replenishment of energy, personal renewal, and regular

relaxation, " says Pickhardt. Take a long, hot bath when you're feeling

stressed, or go for a walk, spend a day with a friend, or read a book --

anything that is all about you.

 

Stress Tips for Men

 

When men are stressed, it's the tried-and-true flight-or-fight theory

that they turn to. Here are stress-reduction tips for men that will help

them relax when they need it most:

 

* Exercise! " Very often, men tend to get rid of the tension and

adrenaline by doing something physical, like jogging, " says Goldberg.

Hitting the gym for an hour works, too -- anything that gets your blood

flowing and your heart rate pumping.

 

* Spend time with the guys. Golfing, softball, or any team sport

that let's a guy escape his stress is a good way to unwind. " Men often

seek a companionship activity like golfing or getting outdoors to get

relief from stress, to create a relaxing diversion or escape, " says

Pickhardt.

 

* Spend time alone. When a guy is de-stressing, their activity of

choice can include some time flying solo as well. " It doesn't have to be

an activity that a man shares with others, it can be solitary as well,

like hiking, photography, or fishing, " says Pickhardt.

 

* Build a first aid kit. " While relationships are important for

women when it comes to stress, that doesn't mean men don't need their

own first aid kit, " says Goldberg. So the same tips apply for men, too:

When you're stressed, surround yourself with people you trust and who

can help you deal with your problems.

 

Tips for Men and Women

 

" People respond to stress differently, and they perceive it

differently, " says Paul Rosch, MD, who is president of the American

Institute of Stress. " So there is no one universal stress-reduction

strategy for everyone. While women are more apt to take a bath and do

aromatherapy, and men are more apt to go jogging, you can't define what

one or the other should do because it's so different for each person. "

 

Whether you're a man or a woman, here are stress-reduction tips that

apply to everyone:

 

* Understand what you can and can't control. " Identify those things

in your life that are stressful and put them in one of two categories:

Is this something I can't avoid or do anything about, or something in

which I can make a difference? " says Rosch, who is also a clinical

professor of medicine and psychiatry at the New York Medical College.

" Use your time and talents effectively on those things that you can

control so you're not constantly frustrated. "

 

* Man's best friend. " For both men and women, when you talk about

companionship, that can mean your pet as well, " says Goldberg. Take your

dog jogging, or spend some time on your couch relaxing with your cat.

 

* Listen to the music. " Music is good for both men and women when

they're stressed, " says Goldberg. " Just pick something you really like

and listen to a bunch of music. " It's a simple way to unwind.

 

* Find a new hobby. " Some people really get involved with their

hobbies, " says Goldberg. " Any kind of hobby they can just go and do is

great -- it gets their mind off their stress. "

 

* Take care of yourself. Most importantly, " Make self-care a

priority, " says Pickhardt. " Someone who won't invest in his or her own

self-care is destined to run down into stress. "

 

Published June 28, 2005.

 

SOURCES: Carol Goldberg, PhD, clinical psychologist, New York City. Carl

Pickhardt, PhD, psychologist; author, The Everything Parent's Guide to

Positive Discipline; spokesman, American Psychological Association;

Austin, Texas. Paul Rosch, MD, president, American Institute of Stress

Rosch; and clinical professor of medicine and psychiatry, New York

Medical College, New York. Taylor, S.E. Psychological Review; 2000; vol

107: pp 411-429.

 

© 2005 WebMD Inc. All rights reserved.