My Marriage

[Guest guest]

Congratulations to you both! May your life be filled with the peace and joy

that a good relationship[ brings!

Gayla Roberts

Always Enough Ranch

Acampo, California

Check out our SALE PAGE at

www.bouncinghoofs.com/alwaysenoughhobbysale.html

A day without Bill Barnhill is like a day without sunshine!

goatclearing

http://coloredboers.home.att.net/always.html

No one ever gets far unless he accomplishes the impossible at least once a

day. Elbert Hubbard

-

" Allana Downie " <allanajoy

 

Monday, October 10, 2005 4:18 AM

Re: My Marriage

 

 

> Congratulations Butch! May you and your wife share many wonder-filled

> days together.

> Allana

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Butch and Tanya: Congratulations! I am so happy for you both and

loved your description of the wedding. I love hearing about

different cultures and people..especially since Ashlee is in the

military and is being steeped in another country's customs and

traditons, etc. I have been reading as much as I can to try and

experience a little of what she is learning, and it is fascinating!

I have always been interested in Russia..it is so broad and there

are so many different cultures and different peoples there and it is

just so interesting. That is part of the reason why I studied

Anthropology..the world is an exciting place and filled with

exciting people and their histories and tradition and cultures can

keep me enthralled for hours. So I really enjoy your descriptions

of the life there, and now the wedding! I wish you both much joy

and happiness. Can't wait to see the pictures and to hear about the

trip to Russia you will be taking later.

 

Take care and God Bless you both...

 

cherry in MO

 

 

, Butch Owen <butchbsi@s...>

wrote:

>

> Hi y'all,

>

> At 1430 hours this past Saturday, 8 October 2005, Tatiana (Tanya)

and I

> were married in Ankara. She changed her last name from

Schastlivaya

> (means " happiness " in Russian) to Owen. She tells me she will

continue

> to be happy .. its my job to do what I can to ensure this is the

case.

>

[Guest guest]

Best wishes to you both!

 

Aloha nui loa,

 

Kani

 

Butch Owen <butchbsi wrote:

Hi y'all,

 

At 1430 hours this past Saturday, 8 October 2005, Tatiana (Tanya) and I

were married in Ankara. She changed her last name from Schastlivaya

(means " happiness " in Russian) to Owen. She tells me she will continue

to be happy .. its my job to do what I can to ensure this is the case.

 

The wedding day was an interesting one. The marriage ceremony, a

Turkish civil ceremony (religious marriages are not recognized in

Turkey) went well. our friends .. Russian and Turkish, were there.

 

One minor glitch after the wedding but it was quickly corrected. It is

a custom here for guests to pin gold coins on the bride and groom ..

Tanya and I both had a number of them pinned on our clothing when the

guests filed by after the wedding.

 

When we left the Marriage Salon, on a main city road, our car was

blocked by 5 young hoodlums .. Erhan (my witness and the driver of the

car) almost ran them over. It is an honorable custom to stop a car

carrying a newly married couple while leaving the Marriage Salon .. the

newlyweds give a bit of money to those who stop the car .. but this was

not the ordinary block .. it was obvious that these fellows had ideas

other than collecting a dollar or two. One jerked the door open on

Tanya's side of the car .. I reached across her and grabbed him .. but

at that moment another one jerked open my door and snatched a gold coin

from my lapel. Then they all then took off like bats out of hell .. ran

right through heavy traffic and into a busy market place.

 

What they didn't count on was that Erhan is MIT (Turkish equivalent of

CIA). He immediately made a cell phone call and continued to take us to

our photo appointment. When we came out of the photo session .. Erhan

was there with the gold coin. The Turkish Police had cordoned off the

entire market place and had snatched them all inside of 5 minutes .. and

they recovered the coin. The hoodlums made a bad mistake .. they didn't

give up when the police cornered them .. they resisted and 3 of the 5

required medical assistance for minor injuries. Lucky they were the

police didn't pop caps on them .. that might have been the case prior to

Turkey trying to enter the EU. Now the police have to be civil and make

sure scum bags have more rights than the victims. All 5 of the hoodlums

had police records for crimes ranging from drugs, mugging, burglary,

assault, breaking and entering and such. All were druggies .. all were

from countries East of Turkey .. not Turkish citizens .. all were under

age 17 .. and all will get at least a year in the Youth Detention Center

prior to being expelled again. They will most likely come back again,

slipping across mountain passes and such in the middle of the night.

Such young people normally die young.

 

We invited 48 people to our dinner party .. 53 showed up .. 5 of the

guests brought friends .. which was fine. Amazing it is that not ONE

person invited found an excuse to not come. Of the 48 folks invited ..

7 were Turkish-Russian couples .. 16 were single Russian ladies & and 1

single Russian man and the others were Turks either single or married to

Turks. Two guests were MIT and one was a Police Official of Ankara

Province. I was the only American there.

 

Immediately after the wedding Tanya stomped my foot .. told me that the

first one to do that was the boss in the marriage. She said it was a

Russian custom .. I seem to recall such a custom in other places but

can't remember where. ;-)

 

The dinner was held at an Ottoman Restaurant .. delicious appetizers,

soup, salad and a choice of chicken or fish .. with dessert .. and all

the local alcoholic drinks folks could drink. Ancient Ottoman Fasal

music and such with roving musicians. Decor is all Ottoman. The cost

of such an event would blow the minds of most Americans because we can

spend half the amount I paid (per head) in a Pizza Hut or McDonalds.

 

There was much Russian dancing and toasting and speeches in Turkish and

Russian. Did I say toasting? Toasts never stop at Russian weddings.

The first toast was for Tanya and I .. one of the witnesses recited an

appropriate Russian poem and announced " Za molodykh " (for those newly

wed). Then someone shouted " Gor'ko! " (the wine is bitter) .. all the

guests picked up on this and it continued while we kissed .. the longer

we kissed the sweeter the wine became .. all the time the guests were

counting the seconds, 5, 6, 7, 8, and so on .. and it lasted till one of

us had to come up for a breath of air. But (according to custom) the

guests were not satisfied with the amount of time we dedicated to that

task .. they continued to shout " Gor'ko " and we continued to kiss until

they were satisfied that the wine was sweet enough. ;-)

 

The second toast was for our parents .. living or dead. One of the

witnesses announced the toast and Tanya and I toasted each other's

parents. This too was followed by " Gor'ko " and more kissing.

 

It went on .. toasting Russia, the United States, Turkey .. and after

one witness told the story of the theft, the Turkish Police received an

appropriate toast .. also followed by " Gor'ko " . ;-)

 

Many speeches were made .. some serious and some in jest. I spoke in

Turkish and told them I had spent 30 years training to fight Russians

and now I had married one .. but good it was because the training might

come in handy in the future. My foot was stomped on again. ;-)

 

One Russian custom I was not aware of .. the Russian ladies stole my

bride during the dinner. Tanya was off in the corner talking with her

girlfriends and I didn't notice she was gone for at least 15 minutes.

When I asked the ladies where she was they told me that she had been

kidnapped and there was a ransom to be paid if I wanted her back. Lucky

I had extra cash in my pocket as I intended to pay cash for the dinner.

I started giving them 50 YTL notes ($37) and they kept giving me a tough

time about how little I valued my wife .. so I kept shelling out .. a

total of ten ($370). They then told me she was outside on the patio.

 

When I tried to open the door they blocked it and told me I must have

forgotten about the door toll. I paid another 2 each 50 YTL notes and

when I went outside the ladies surrounded me and started singing and

doing a Russian dance .. I'm in the middle of this circle and can't get

out. Tanya suddenly appears out of nowhere and they let her into the

circle and we were required to dance while they sang. Then the ladies

sang a song that proclaimed I was a worthy husband .. and gave all the

money they had collected to Tanya. ;-) There is absolutely nothing

boring about Russian traditions .. they are fun loving folks fer'shur.

The Russians then proclaimed that I am now an official " Shurin " , Russian

Brother-In-Law. I live in two cultures now .. American and Turkish. I

am now going to have to learn to live in a third culture and I think it

is going to be fun. ;-)

 

Truth is .. I like the Russian people I have met so far .. with the

exception of some who live in the big cities .. like Moscow and St.

Petersburg .. they are honest, hard working, unfortunate but proud

people. They know I am sincere in my opinions of them .. so they also

like me. I would not have been able to say that 20 months ago. Many of

us have much to learn about other cultures .. and even about tolerance

for those within our own culture who think differently than we do.

 

All of my Turkish and Russian friends here believe we have made a good

decision to marry .. unfortunately, a very small few of the people who

are important to me in the USA .. especially those who know nothing

about life outside the USA, believe that I have lost my mind. It has to

do (methinks) with two issues they see as being problems .. the major

age difference between Tanya and I is one of the two issues.

 

As for potential problems with age differences .. it only matters in the

so-called " enlightened " western countries .. and even there it was not

so uncommon years ago. Not one head turned when we went through the

long a difficult process of getting approval for our marriage. I (and

the friends who are bothered by my decision) have all married people our

age in the past .. and it did not work out. It appears to me that the

Western norms of marrying close to one's age does NOTHING to prevent

more than 50% of the marriages from failing and probably half of those

remaining being unhappy ones where the partners see no options but to

continue to live in Hell.

 

The other reason is (methinks) a cynical attitude (distrust?) toward

people they don't understand. Why would a young Russian woman want to

marry a man twice her age .. asks they? My answer: EVERYBODY with a

brain .. marries for security. Most people are financially better off

than Russians and citizens of the ex-Soviet Union .. the average monthly

salary for a university grad teacher in Russia is $100 .. the same as it

was under the Soviet Union .. difference is prices increased 3o0% since

the USSR failed. I believe that EVERY Man and EVERY Woman in any kind

of relationship (save the young marry in the heat of passion) enter into

the relationship with intentions of gaining something and bettering

their life .. they use each other toward these ends .. this holds true

for all the people I have ever known. Its logical and its honorable ..

the only exception to this would be if one of the parties is deceiving

the other. I have dated women 20-30 years younger than me since 1988 ..

and some of them were in love with me .. why? Not because I'm young and

handsome .. because I'm dependable, I'm kind to them, I'm a gentleman,

and though I'm not wealthy .. my income is sufficient to ensure their

security. People who live in societies that have no opportunity for

upward mobility for either men or women normally settle for a secure

domestic life .. its the best they can hope for. Any woman who would

consider marrying a man who was church mouse poor and could not assure

their security and basic needs would be a damn fool .. and who would

want to be married to a damn fool? I believe what I am writing .. it

is not rationalization.

 

Back at the ranch. ;-)

 

During the dinner Tanya tipped over her glass of wine .. I told her that

when this happened, American custom dictated that the other person would

be the boss .. and she had negated her foot stomping. Of course, its a

fib .. but its my story and I'm sticking to it. ;-)

 

It was a long day .. our witnesses and two of the Russian ladies came

back to the house with us and we sat up till 1:30 reliving the events.

My witness was Erhan .. married to Marina (the sister of Anna). Tanya's

witness couldn't find the Salon till it was late and witnesses were

already registered .. so Marina stood in for her.

 

Tanya doesn't speak a lot English but she speaks Turkish well. I speak

a bit of Russian and Turkish well .. Tanya is teaching me Russian and

she began a 2 month English course last Friday. We now speak in three

languages but hope to get it down to two. ;-)

 

Tanya was a beautiful bride. We had photographers from the Marriage

Salon on the spot .. then went back to my friend's studio and he took

more formal shots. We will choose the ones we want tomorrow. My friend

sent one of his assistants to the dinner party that evening and shot

lots of professional photos on the spot. There will be one heckuva nice

photo set. We had a memory book and each guest was given one page to

write as they would .. comments and best wishes are written in Russian,

Turkish and English. Tanya says that book is worth its weight in gold.

 

Throughout the evening and weekend we received congratulations via phone

calls and sms messages from Russians we both knew who have gone back to

Russia some time ago. Amazing is their grapevine. If the KGB had

worked that efficiently perhaps they would have won the Cold War. ;-)

 

We will go to Russia sometime after the New Year. When we arrive there

we will be expected to hold the traditional 2 day Russian Wedding Party.

I'm thinking it will be something very interesting. ;-)

 

After tomorrow, I will post some photos of our wedding somewhere.

 

So .. now I am just another hamstrung, hen-pecked husband who has to get

a " kitchen pass " to go have a beer with his buddies .. but who can have

a nice home cooked meal instead of having to eat in a soup kitchen. Who

can be with his friend/partner/lover/wife/whatever and not be alone

except for the times when one or the other needs some time to them self.

 

I've known Tanya since January and we have been close since June .. she

is an intelligent, well educated, sweet, positive thinking lady who is

tired of being a math teacher and now wants to be a housewife. Fer an

ol' Redneck .. you done gud Butch. ;-)

 

Perhaps I mentioned this in a previous post - I don't recall .. Tanya's

mother is Russian Tatar and her father is Ural Russian. She is a great

cook .. cooks Russian as well as Tatar dishes .. and like most Russians

she has never used a packaged, store bought product .. they cook from

scratch. In a country where even the above average economic class has

fallen on hard times .. its the way folks get by.

 

So .. that's where it is now .. and I expect to be able to give a lot

more effort to my work now that I am no longer allowed to live the life

of an alley cat. ;-)

 

Imejte horoshij den' - i Vy vse prodolzhayete ulybat's'a.

(Have a good day .. and y'all keep smiling.) :-)

 

Butch http://www.AV-AT.com

 

PS: Those who are old enough will understand this better than some

others. My name, " Butch " translated into Russian .. literally comes out

as " Short Hairstyle. " This is appropriate as I am shaved bald. ;-)

 

 

 

 

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[Guest guest]

Dear Butch and Tanya,

 

Many blessings to you both, I hope your marriage is happy and prosperous!

 

Sincerely,

~Pamela

[Guest guest]

Dear Butch and Tanya,

 

Hoping that the two of you have a marriage that's a blessing and last's a

lifetime.

 

Congratulations!

Josephene

[Guest guest]

Yo Butch: CONGRATULATIONS big guy. I am sending special thoughts and

prayers for you and Tanya. You are very special to me as a friend so I know

you two will have a wonderful life together. God Bless and please keep in

contact. I am still alive and kicking!!!!!

 

Smilin Effie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

>

>To adjust your group settings (i.e. go no mail) see the following link:

/join

>

[Guest guest]

Congratulations! I hope you and she have many years together... and

married on a wonderful day...my birthday. Kathy

[Guest guest]

, Butch Owen <butchbsi@s...> wrote:

>

> Hi y'all,

>

> At 1430 hours this past Saturday, 8 October 2005, Tatiana (Tanya) and

I

> were married in Ankara.

 

Dear Tatiana and Butch,

 

May your life be filled with the beauty of the Anatolian rose fields,

may your love be as warm and comfortable as a Turkish bathrobe and may

your relationship remain as healthy as borscht! Warm regards and

continue to be!

 

Lori Schuster

>

[Guest guest]

Congrats, Butch.

 

If a woman is willing to trade Schastlivaya

for Owen it must be true love.

 

Judging by the way you come across, I'd

say she has about 40 good years ahead of

her.

 

Mazel Tov!

 

Ien

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hey Butch, congratulations! I absolutely loved reading about your

wedding. Thanks so much for sharing such a fun experience.

 

I'm happy for you both! Wishing you much happiness.

 

Michelle

[Guest guest]

Congrats on the Marriage Butch! Haven't even turned on my puter in a week and a

half...so just now catching up! Would love to see ya'll when you make it to the

states.

Anita