Guest guest Posted September 2, 2005 Report Share Posted September 2, 2005 GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: > > 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. > 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. > 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch > the second person. > 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. > 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food. > 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. > 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. > 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. > 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. > 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap. > >> > GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED: > > 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree. > 2) Wrinkles don't hurt. > 3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts. > 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground. > 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside. > 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the > toy. >> > GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD > > 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. > 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. > 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're > down there. > 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking > chair that you once got from a roller coaster. > 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers > to ask you the questions. > 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. > 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. >> > > THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE: > > 1) You believe in Santa Claus. > 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. > 3) You are Santa Claus. > 4) You look like Santa Claus. >> > > SUCCESS: > > At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants. > At age 12 success is . . . having friends. > At age 17 success is . . . having a drivers licence. > At age 35 success is . . . having money. > At age 50 success is . . . having money. > At age 70 success is . . having a drivers licence. > At age 75 success is . . . having friends. > At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants! . > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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