OT/Men.....and Women Enjoy!! :o)

[Guest guest]

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

 

 

 

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

 

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

 

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

 

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

 

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

 

 

 

 

 

WOMEN'S REVENGE

 

 

 

" Cash, check or charge? " I asked, after folding items the woman wished

to

purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for

a

television set in her purse. " So, do you always carry your TV remote? "

I

asked. " No, " she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping

with

me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him

legally. "

 

 

 

 

 

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

 

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

 

 

 

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how

you can

take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out

by the

root,

 

And still be afraid of a spider.

 

 

 

 

 

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

 

 

 

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and

his

wife Grace listened to the instructor, " It is essential that husbands

and

wives know each other's likes and dislikes. " He addressed the man,

" Can you

name your wife's favorite flower? " Tom leaned over, touched his wife's

arm

gently, and whispered, " Its Pillsbury isn't it?

 

 

 

 

 

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

 

 

 

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The

sales

girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he

is

looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the

correct

aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and

a

ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, " Sir, I thought you

were

looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, " You see, it's

like

this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of

cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling

papers;

cause its sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to

roll my

own .......... so does she.

 

(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

 

 

 

 

 

WIFE -VS- HUSBAND

 

 

 

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a

word. An

earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to

concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and

pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, " Relatives of yours? " , " Yep, "

the

wife replied, " in-laws. "

 

 

 

 

 

W O R D S

 

 

 

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a

day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, " The reason has to

be

because we have to repeat everything to men...The husband then turned

to his

wife and asked, " What? "

 

 

 

 

 

CREATION

 

 

 

A man said to his wife one day, " I don't know how you can be so stupid

and

so beautiful all at the same time. " The wife responded, " Allow me to

explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God

made me

stupid so I would be attracted to you!

 

 

 

 

 

WHO DOES WHAT

 

 

 

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the

coffee

each morning. The wife said, " You should do it, because you get up

first,

and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. " The husband

said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it,

because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee. " Wife

replies,

" No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man

should

do the coffee. " Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me. " So

she

fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the

top of

several pages, that it indeed says.......... " HEBREWS "

 

 

THE SILENT TREATMENT

 

 

 

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving

each

other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next

day,

he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning

business

flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE),

he

wrote on a piece of paper, " Please wake me at 5:00 AM. " He left it

where he

knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to

discover

it was 9:00 AM, and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to

go

and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of

paper by

the bed. The paper said, " It is 5:00 AM. Wake up. "

 

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.