O/T Job description for parents

[Guest guest]

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in

an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent

communication and organizational skills and be willing to work

variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and

frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required,

including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and

endless sports tourna ments in far away cities! Travel expenses not

reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

 

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least

temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue

repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule

and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case,

this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying

wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such

as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck

zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate

production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan

and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental

outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an

embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety

testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated

devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the

worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of

the end product! Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and

janitorial work throughout the facility.

 

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without

complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that

those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

 

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a

continually exhausting basis.

 

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A

balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption

that college will help them become financially independent. When you

die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this

reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you

could only do more.

 

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition

reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered;

this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and

free hugs for life if you play your cards right.