O/T Joke America's and wonderings

[Guest guest]

1. Only in the America's.......can a pizza get to your house faster

than an ambulance.

 

2 Only in the America's.......are there handicap parking places in

front of a skating rink.

 

3. Only in the America's.....do drugstores make the sick walk all

the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while

healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

 

4. Only in the America's.......do people order double cheeseburgers,

large fries, and a diet coke.

 

5. Only in the America's.......do banks leave both doors open and

then chain the pens to the counters.

 

6. Only in the America's.......do we leave cars worth thousands of

dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

 

7. Only in the America's.......do we use answering machines to

screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from

someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

 

8. Only in the America's.....do we buy hot dogs in packages of

twelve and buns in packages of eight.

 

9. Only in the America's......do we use the word 'politics' to

describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and

'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

 

10. Only in the America's......do they have drive-up ATM machines

with Braille lettering.

 

EVER WONDER

 

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

 

 

 

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

 

Why don't you ever see the headline " Psychic Wins Lottery " ?

Why is " abbreviated " such a long word?

 

Why is it that doctors call what they do " practice " ?

 

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on " Start " ?

 

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing

liquid made with real lemons?

 

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

 

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

 

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

 

 

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

 

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

 

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

 

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

 

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

 

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

 

 

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

 

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?