Guest guest Posted May 3, 2005 Report Share Posted May 3, 2005 * Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. * If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? * Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there. * I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, " The whole time. " * So what's the speed of dark? * After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water? * Why don't they just make mouse-flavoured cat food? * If you're sending someone some styrofoam, what do you pack in it? * I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious. * Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? * Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics? * Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? * If its tourist season, why can't we shoot them? * Isn't Disney World a people-trap operated by a mouse? * Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it? * How come 'abbreviated' is such a long word? * If its zero degrees outside today and its supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? * Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead? * Why are they called buildings when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts? * Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together? * Why do banks charge you a 'non-sufficient funds' fee on money they already know that you don't have? * If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? * What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way? * If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it? * Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? * When two aeroplanes almost collide, why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me! * Do fish get cramps after eating? * Why are there five syllables in the word 'monosyllabic'? * Why do scientists call it 'research' when they are looking for something new? * If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? * When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go? * Why is it that when a door is open, its ajar, but when a jar is open, its not a door? * Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it. * How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him? * Why is it fake lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons? * Why do we wait until a pig is dead to 'cure' it? * Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? * Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase? * Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? * Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as '4s'? * What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious? * Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? * If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? * Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent? * Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate? * Do married people live longer than single people do, or does it just SEEM longer? * I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose. * If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they still working? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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