Definitive Guide to Aussies OT

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Thought this might be of interest - now that there are a few Aussies here

 

Virginia

West Aussie

 

*/Definitive Guide to Aussies/*

 

*/1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm./*

 

*/2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you./*

 

*/3. Whether its the opening of Parliament, or the launch/*

 

*/ of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that/*

 

*/ cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle./*

 

*/4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie /*

 

*/ he's probably a media billionaire. /*

 

/* Or.. on the other hand, **he may be a wharfie.*/

 

*/5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the/*

 

*/ application of tomato sauce./*

 

*/6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and/*

 

*/ wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. /*

 

/* No **thief has ever worked this out.*/

 

*/7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful/*

 

*/ than the plastic milk crate./*

 

*/8. All our best heroes are losers./*

 

*/9. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the/*

 

*/ barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely/*

 

*/ begins turning the snags./*

 

*/10. Its not summer until the steering wheel is too hot/*

 

*/ to hold./*

 

*/11. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in/*

 

*/ America, but a fine example of Australian footwear. A/*

 

*/ group of sheilas wearing black rubber thongs may not/*

 

*/ be as exciting as you had hoped./*

 

*/12. It is proper to refer to your best friend as " a/*

 

*/ total bastard " . By contrast, your worst enemy is " a/*

 

*/ bit of a bastard " ./*

 

*/13. Historians believe the widespread use of the word/*

 

*/ " mate " can be traced to the harsh conditions on the/*

 

*/ Australian frontier in the 1890s, and the development/*

 

*/ of a code of mutual aid, or " mateship " . Alternatively,

Australians may just be really hopeless with names. /*

 

*/14. The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive/*

 

*/ not only to himself, but to the mosquitoes. /*

 

*/15. If it can't be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, its not

worth fixing./*

 

*/16. The most popular and widely praised family in any/*

 

*/ street is the one that has the swimming pool./*

 

*/17. Its considered better to be down on your luck than/*

 

*/ up yourself./*

 

*/18. The phrase " weve got a great lifestyle " means/*

 

*/ everyone in the family drinks too much./*

 

*/19. If invited to a party, you should take cheap red/*

 

*/ wine and then spend all night drinking the hosts beer./*

 

*/ (Dont worry, he'll have catered for it)./*

 

*/20. If there is any sort of free event or party within/*

 

*/ a hundred kilometres, you'd be a mug not to go./*

 

*/21. The phrase " a simple picnic " is not known. /*

 

/* You **should take everything you own. */

 

/* If you dont need to **make three trips back to the car, you're

not trying.*/

 

*/22. Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to/*

 

*/ sit down in your front yard, or on your front porch./*

 

*/ Pottering about, gardening or leaning on the fence is acceptable.

Just dont sit. Thats what backyards are for./*

 

*/23. The tarred road always ends just after the house/*

 

*/ of the local mayor./*

 

*/24. On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating/*

 

*/ a food versus grog battle that can only ever be/*

 

*/ resolved by leaving the salad at home./*

 

*/25.When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising/*

 

*/ the motels pool will always be slightly larger than the/*

 

*/ pool itself./*

 

*/26. The men are tough, but the women are tougher./*

 

*/27. The chief test of manhood is ones ability to install/*

 

*/ a beach umbrella in high winds./*

 

*/28. Australians love new technology. /*

 

/* Years after their introduction, most conversations on mobile

phones are ** */

 

*/ principally about the fact that the call is " being made on my

mobile " ./*

 

*/29. There comes a time in every Australians life when/*

 

/* he/she realises that the Aerogard is worse than the **flies.*/

 

*/30. And, finally, don't let the tourist books fool you./*

 

*/ No-one EVER says " cobber " to anyone ... EVER! /*

 

/* It also **doesn't have the bit about the true test for

immigrat**ion to Australia. */

 

/* They give potential new Aussies the **following test: */

 

/* Mowing a sloping lawn (at least 20 **degree angle) in a pair of

thongs holding a VB (Beer) while*/

 

*/ watching the cricket./*

 

*/ If you can't pass that.../*

 

/* Chances **are, you will NEVER be able to pass yourself off as a*/

 

*/ true Aussie./*