O/T Joke Mammogram

[Guest guest]

t was like this, Your Honor...........

 

I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, " Hi, I'm

Belinda! "

This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one

side and crooned, " All I need you to do is step into

this room here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything

clear

? "

 

I'm thinking, " Belinda ... try decaf. This ain't rocket science. "

 

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. Call me crazy,

but I

suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a perfectly healthy cup size

of 36-B to a size 38-LONG. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and

everything nice... or Spandex.

 

We can't be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold 4-inch piece of

square

glass and still pop back into shape. Belinda flipped me

(literally) to the left and said, " Can you stand on your tippee toes and

lean in a tad so we can get everything? "

" Fine, " I answered.

I was freezing, bruised and out of air, so why not use the remaining

circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding

pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4

pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt, a zap!

 

Complete darkness and the power went off! " What? " I yelled. " Oh,

maintenance

is working. Bet they hit a snag. "

Belinda headed for the door.

" Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vice alone, are you? " I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, " Oh, you fussy puppy... the door's wide

open so

you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back " .

 

Before I could shout, " NOOOO! " she disappeared.

 

And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire,

found

me, half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other

part smashed between glass!

After exchanging polite " Hi, how's it going " type greetings, Bubba (or

possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria I replied with as much calmness as possible.

" Uh, yes...yes I did, thanks. "

 

" You bet, take care, " Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been

standing in the line at the grocery store.

 

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no

attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, " Oh I am soooo sorry! The

power

came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch.

Are we upset? "

 

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps.