OT: Tennessee Jokes

[Guest guest]

Especially for Butch, I hope that you and everyone enjoys them. They are

universal. A friend of mine from Oklahoma sent me these jokes because I have

been sharing our jokes with her.

Enjoy! ;-D

Rhavda

 

Tennessee Jokes

 

A group of Tennessee friends went deer hunting and paired off in

twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned

alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

" Where's Henry? " the others asked.

" Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the

trail, " the successful hunter replied.

" You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back? " they

inquired.

" A tough call, " nodded the hunter. " But I figured no one is going to

steal Henry! "

==========================================

Regarding the year 2000, a senior at Tennessee was overheard saying

" when the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Tennessee. "

When asked why, he stated that everything happens here 20 years later than

in the rest of the civilized world.

===========================================

The young Tennesseean came running into the store and said to his

buddy, " Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot! "

Bubba replied, " Did you see who it was? "

The young Tennesseean answered, " I couldn't tell, but I got the

license number. "

===========================================

NEWS FLASH! - Tennessee's worst air disaster occurred when a small

two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two University of Tennessee

students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and rescue workers

have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the

number to climb as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and copilot

survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.

=========================================

A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-40 The trooper

asked, " Got any ID? "

The driver replied, " Bout whut? "

 

 

A Tennessean had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road,

and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind

it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he

turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, " I gotta flat tar "

The passerby asked, " But what's with the flowers? "

The man responded, " When you break down they tell you to put flares

in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither "

============================================

Special Note:

Contributed to the group at the request of my husband who enjoys the jokes

as much as I. He says thank you to all who contribute and enjoy.

 

New Operating System

 

 

Dear Tech Support:

 

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0.

 

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing

that

took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0

installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other

system

activity.

 

Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing

7.5, and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background

while

attempting to run my favourite applications.

 

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall

doesn't

work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

 

Thanks,

 

Troubled User.

 

___

 

 

REPLY:

 

Dear Troubled User:

 

This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people

upgrade

from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities

and

Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed

by

its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife

1.0

and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge

the

program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to

Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.

 

Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I

recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I

suggest installing the background application " Yes Dear " to alleviate

software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the

command

C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE

command

before the system will return to normal anyway.

 

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high

maintenance.Wife

1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0,

Cook

It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these

programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag

Nag

9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife

1.0

is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds

5.0

! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With

Short

Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause

irreversible damage to the operating system.

 

Best of luck,

 

Tech Support