Younguns Growing Up ** Was: ADHD & My Granddaughter

[Guest guest]

Hey y'all,

 

As is normal when I make a post .. this is a long one .. but I'm not in

the habit of apologizing for such things and I ain't gonna start now.

Likely it is that it will get worse as I get older. ;-)

 

There are younguns that need to be watched closer than others .. that

was the case with Beaver Cleaver. Some can be dealt with via behavior

modification techniques .. if we can change the behavior we can often

change the attitude .. and vice versa. But " Leave It To Beaver " was not

reality .. and it set a bad example for many parents and kids .. and as

best as I can recall, Beaver never did change his attitude/behavior.

 

Some yonkers need a bit of corporal punishment .. like a smack on the

ass and such and maybe withholding privileges .. but for others that

only makes the situation worse.

 

Younguns are like grown folks in that they have different personalities

and accordingly, different patterns of behavior .. it is the mission of

parents (and to some degree, of teachers) to try to direct that behavior

so that it fits in with the norms of the society in which they live ..

sometimes it can be done in house but today, sometimes it requires some

outside assistance .. like from a child psychologist or medical doctor.

 

Of the 37 kids who graduated in my High School class none of us turned

out bad .. none was ever on medication to control behavior .. and damn

sure none of us ever saw a child psychologist. Those times were a lot

different from the world today .. and though parents were then, as now,

often blamed for the behavior of their children .. teachers were not

held responsible for our actions .. and the system did not really care

what the reasons were for our behavior .. we were held accountable for

our behavior and took the medicine if it was unacceptable behavior. In

my mid-teens I spent the night in jail (though the cell was not locked)

for being a member of a group that turned an outdoor toilet over on a

Halloween Night .. wasn't supposed to do that kind of stuff back then.

 

I've seen younguns who were not ready to accept what society considers

to be normal behavior as their path in life .. like 18 and 19 year old

younguns who decided to join the military for one reason or another. As

the military had neither the time nor desire to re-socialize folks .. we

gave those younguns clear choices .. some took the high road and turned

into good citizens and good soldiers .. some didn't and were discharged

with less than Honorable Discharges and went back to their original role

of being a burden on society.

 

> It can be a real problem....especially when they do these types of

> things.....as they can get hurt. I sympathize with you. Perhaps

> some of the stuff I mentioned above will at least help them keep a

> closer eye on her. Maybe she'll outgrow a lot of it.

 

I agree on the " maybe she'll outgrow it " .. but it doesn't always work

out that way. Still .. there is reason for hope. And a bit of luck

doesn't hurt either.

 

I wanna comment on the post Rita sent .. she wrote:

 

> Good luck. We want to contain the children not control their spirit.

> For what its worth there's my 2C worth. Rita

 

I think you hit the nail on the head. Some younguns are NOT gonna do

things the way others do .. but if they can be properly directed they

might do things BETTER than others .. if not they can wind up in jail.

 

When I was very young (3-4-5) I lived beside my two Cousins and we were

pals with Kit who lived across the road. The four of us were a team. I

think I was the wildest of the bunch .. I stuck a hairpin in an electric

socket .. drank kerosene from a spigot once .. wiped Grandma's cabinets

down with cod liver oil .. put sand in the gas tank of Grandpa's car ..

sprayed his bee hives with a water hose .. threw eggs at my Aunt's house

to watch them burst open .. threw a neighbor's little gal into the open

sewerage canal a few hundred yards behind the house .. and convinced my

youngest cousin he needed to capture one of an old hen's chicks .. that

was a wild time. I did lots of other fun things like that.

 

My two Cousins weren't angels either .. they weren't rambunctious as

often as I was but some of their acts were the type that went down in

history .. not often that cops get involved with 4-5 year old kids. ;-)

The nicest one of us four was Kit, who lived across the road. Most of

the Devilish acts Kit got involved in were instigated by me and my two

Cousins .. he just went along with the program. Kit was a follower.

 

Whipping our butts worked for 24 hours or so .. I had my share of what

Grandma used to call " Peach Tree Tea " .. she'd take a very tiny switch

from one of her trees and make our bare legs sting. We always promised

to NEVER do whatever again and we meant it at the time but she knew we

would do it again .. and we did.

 

First grade came and the teacher told Mama I was not emotionally mature

enough to make it cause I would sulk and not do what I was told if she

got me upset .. but I did make it. We then moved away to another town

and I was no longer with my team.

 

Come third grade they wanted to skip me to the fourth but my aunt (not

the Mama of my Cousins) who was a teacher at George Peabody College of

Education, talked Mama out of it .. said I was too young for that cause

I had started school when I was 5 years old .. so they didn't do it.

 

After completing the fifth grade we moved again. Come seventh grade in

that small town where the school had 1st - 12th grade and everybody knew

everybody .. I decided (with some justification) that I hated the Math

teacher .. a Bitch she was .. so I refused to learn Algebra .. made the

only D (actually .. was a D minus) I ever made in school in her class.

Didn't like the English teacher much either and did just enough to get

by .. C minus and such .. but I loved the Science and History teachers

and maxed out all their classes. The comments on my report cards were

generally negative .. except from the Science and History teachers ..

they always wrote nice things. The school system had determined that I

was rebellious and irreverent and not likely to graduate High School.

 

I was rebellious and irreverent .. no question about it. If I became

pissed off I would leave school and go swimming in a pond or whatever.

And maybe I would have dropped out of school prior to graduation except

I always tried to not disappoint my mother .. she wanted me to do well,

and my StepPappy would have killed me. He went to the sixth grade and

didn't really think formal education was important so that was not the

reason he pushed me .. he pushed me because he didn't want to deal with

the reputation of being the parent of a drop out in a small town. ;-)

 

In the 9th grade we had to take an IQ test .. I thought it was BS and

skipped through it like it was a math lesson and came out lower than

whale dung. That one test was enough to label me in that school till I

surprised them and graduated .. at age 17. Our principle back then had

a paddle with tape on it and I got my ten licks at least once a month ..

folks joked that he had to get a new paddle after I graduated. ;-)

 

Two weeks prior to turning 18 I joined Uncle Sugar's Army. I tested in

what is similar to a SAT in the top 10% .. it surprised the dawg crap

out of me because I was convinced that I was a Dumb Ass. I did all the

basic training and such and was then sent to the 101st Airborne Division

for Jump School .. which is what I signed up for in the first place. I

ate that stuff up .. started soldiering like a pro .. but I think I was

still a bit young to handle the " Better Than You Are " attitude of being

a Paratrooper and it showed in my off duty conduct. I was about as

rambunctious as I had been as a yonker .. and went from PVT2 to PFC3 to

PVT2 twice while soldiering like a pro on duty and acting crazy off

duty .. and my behavior caught the attention of one of the old NCOs.

 

That old Sergeant took me under his wing .. started giving me a heckuva

lot more attention than most troops got .. he became my mentor. He got

me to take the College Level Examination Program Exams (CLEP) and told

me how much he believed I could pass them because he could see something

in me that I couldn't see in myself. Those five exams are English

Composition, Social Science & History, Natural Science, Humanities and

Math. I passed all but Math .. and scored very high in all but English

though I still passed it. Each test was worth 6 Credits then so I went

from a High School Diploma to 24 College Credits. Then Old Sarge pushed

me to go to night classes and I did. Later on I picked up two other

mentors .. officers they were .. and those two fellows are as much

(maybe more) family to me today as anyone in my own blood line.

 

I did my share of mentoring along the way too, as do most professional

non-commissioned officers and commissioned officers .. and those who I

took under my wing are still grateful for it today.

 

Short of it is .. I wound up with two Undergraduates (lowest GPA 3.87)

and a Graduate degree (4.0 GPA) .. received a direct appointment from

NCO to Second Lieutenant while on my second tour in the 'Nam .. and was

later selected by highly competitive board processes to attend .. and

graduated from the Department of the Army Masters Level Command and

General Staff College. Then when I was finishing the first year of my

Ph.D. at USC, I got a call from my assignments officer in D.C. notifying

me that I had been selected to also attend the Department of Defense

University (half the officers in the Army are selected for ONE of the

courses .. those not selected for one are not promoted and must leave

military service). I really wanted the Ph.D. (not sure why but looking

back on it I know it was an ego thing) and told the assignments officer

this. He told me that Uncle Sugar would not pull me out of the Civilian

school but that being selected for the second DOD course was exceptional

and would put me even higher in the heirachy .. and that Uncle Sugar did

not see having a Ph.D. as being as significant as graduation from the

DOD University .. so I dropped the Ph.D. program. ;-) Later on, I was

selected to attend a third program .. the prestigious Turkish Army War

College. Throughout my career I was in the top 10% of my contemporaries

and was sent to a number of tough technical courses and received the

toughest assignments in areas that would pave the road for advancement

to Star rank. But I made a decision to go another route when I hit 30

and retired as a Lieutenant Colonel. It was a tough decision and one

that I don't regret today .. but I still miss the camaraderie and honor

of being in uniform. Same as leaving the AT/EO arena will be a tough

one and I will miss it too .. but when its time to go we have to know

that and not look backward.

 

Considering that some of my High School teachers thought I would never

graduate HS .. I reckon I done purty gud. They had nothing to do with

my success .. if there had been such a thing as a " Vocational School "

back then .. I am sure they would have pulled me out of the mainline

academic environment and had me cutting wood or fixing cars and crap ..

this point is one I used to develop a portion of my thesis at Pepperdine

University when I was working for a Masters in Education Administration.

 

I have been retested for IQ .. won't brag on the results but I could.

So my problems were different from those they thought I had.

 

The old Math teacher is dead now .. but afore she died I saw her when I

came home to attend a High School reunion. I was in uniform and without

bragging I can say that it was a damn impressive sight. She told me she

always knew I would do well .. I wanted to tell her a lot of things that

day but I let it slide because she was older'n water. ;-)

 

The oldest of my two cousins spent a hitch in the US Army, got out and

earned a Masters in Engineering and has his own company now .. the other

one didn't perform military service and is now retired from a blue

collar job with the state of Tennessee. Kit .. who lived across the

road .. also spent no time in the US Army but he did spend a few years

in prison afore he went under snakes from a drug overdose.

 

Wasn't parenting that had much to do with the direction we chose .. and

wasn't the education of our parents. My Mama was a divorced lady then

and worked .. my Cousins Mama and Pappy neither had a college education.

Kit's Mama was a Cumberland Presbyterian Preacher and his Pappy was a

teacher at a university in Nashville.

 

Some younguns outgrow old habits and behavior. Might be that they were

just bored .. and a bit angry too. Looking back at myself I think that

was a part of my problem during my youth .. I did have problems then.

 

Teachers are not Saints or Martyrs .. they have a teaching job to do and

if our kids are lucky they do it well .. normally they are underpaid and

overworked and not qualified to deal with the behavioral problems kids

have while they are trying to adjust to the world and themselves. Fact

is .. teachers often don't deal well with their own younguns.

 

Generally, parents are not that good at mentoring either .. maybe better

to say that MOST times they aren't. Two of the most important roles we

play in our personal lives are parent and spouse and though they are the

most important roles .. they are the two roles (of many we play) where

we have the least training and experience and the two roles in which we

find the highest degree of failure. Most folks do things the same way

their parents did them, who did it the same way their parents did things

and their parents were no more qualified in their role than the children

who learned from them. I think its fair to say that most newborns and

most newlyweds start out on Day One with one strike against them and in

a lot of cases two strikes.

 

Then we have those who get lucky and have someone come along who is not

close to the problem .. or a part of the problem .. and help them along

in a manner that their parents and teachers could not and did not do.

 

I know all the above is general humma-humma .. and its not applicable to

all cases and all younguns .. but it is to some .. and there is always

reason to hope .. and in some cases .. to expect .. that the reason some

yonkers don't do things the way others do is because they are bored with

the way others do it and get angry and resent the demands made on them

because those demands make them feel uncomfortable. They are not really

sure why they are angry and uncomfortable so it frustrates them and they

show this anger and frustration in a manner that is unacceptable to us.

 

Sometimes such younguns will continue to do things different than the

other folks do .. some will go to Hell in a Hand Basket but others might

wind up doing things better than the other folks. Rarely do we find a

case where they become what we would consider as being mediocre.

 

My final point in this long post .. a post that rambled a bit but that

is your problem .. not mine .. ;-) .. regards older younguns that some

of you obviously have now. Odds are good that some of you have sons or

daughters that are wandering souls .. you love them but down deep inside

wonder if they will ever be worth a crap in life. My recommendation in

such cases is try to get them to think about joining one of the Military

Services. I know .. you folks are saying, " Bull Shit .. we gotta damn

war going on now and humma-humma-humma ... " Lemme tell y'all that odds

of your son or daughter dying in a war are FAR LESS than they are of

dying back on the block .. especially if they are the wandering and most

likely irresponsible souls I mentioned above. They need direction and

they need some strong mentoring and they need some pride and confidence

in themselves .. all that they can get in uniform.

 

Of all the younguns in my hometown who served their country .. dozens

and dozens there were .. two died in combat .. both in the Vietnam War.

But there were MANY dozens back then .. and today .. who die from DWI

and drug abuse .. and other such unacceptable social behavior. When I

left home on 2 July 1960 to go active duty .. I had been running with a

bunch of younguns one grade behind me but the same age as me .. on the

4th of July 1960, 6 of them were coming home from a shindig at Dunbar

Cave outside Clarksville, TN and missed a curve .. all were drinking and

five died .. one survived and he did not do well in life. There is NO

QUESTION in my mind that I would have been with them if I had not left

home two days prior to go to the Army. This is but one tale I could

tell and I'm sure many of you could tell tales too.

 

I believe in the opportunities available to young folks who wear the

uniform of our Armed Forces .. they can get free college tuition from

serving .. during and after discharge .. they get enormous bonus $$$

just for signing up now .. and they get an opportunity to be all they

can be while serving. I sent my son for four years .. he is now a

Systems Engineer for IBM and makes more in a year than I made total in

my first 20 years service. If your son or daughter is looking for a

path in life, if they have a high school diploma and no police record,

then they should consider wearing the proud uniform of the Armed Forces

of our country. Odds of them being killed in combat are VERY small ..

the odds of them being wounded are a bit higher but if we consider the

alternative .. the odds of them dying or being seriously hurt on the

outside are even greater. ONE of the TWO major considerations would be

the amount of compensation they would receive on the outside versus the

inside .. the other is less tangible maybe but more important to me .. I

would rather have been remembered for going down on the battlefield than

going down in an automobile accident or some other situation that is all

too normal for our young folks today.

 

This has NOT been a PAID recruitment announcement. ;-)

 

Y'all keep smiling. :-) Butch http://www.AV-AT.com

 

PS: I owe some folks some mail but it is not critical and I won't be

able to answer tonight cause I have an obligation on Thursday nights to

go to my favorite Pub .. its near 7:30 now so I gotta get ready to go

have a few .. and spend my money .. call everybody " Honey " and wake up

singing the blues .. ceptin I don't have hangovers no more. ;-)