OT: Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road ?

[Guest guest]

Hey y'all,

 

Time to smile again .. that is, for some of us. :-) Some won't. :-(

 

-

 

GEORGE W. BUSH: I don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.

I just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not.

The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle

ground here.

 

JACQUES CHIRAC: It matters not that the chicken successfully crossed

the road .. I was and am still opposed to the entire movement. There

was no evidence that crossing the road would result in giving those

chicks hope for a better future. And as a result of this, the French

nation is now on strike and boycotting both roads and chickens.

 

GERHARDT SCHROEDER: If the chicken had been of a pure blood line it

would not have crossed the road at this time. History has shown that

patience, proper preparation and belief in it's superiority would have

shown that staying in place until it was better prepared to conquer the

fields on the other side would have been a far better decision.

 

VLADIMIR PUTIN: It was behavior that cannot be tolerated. In the

future, movement of all chickens will be tightly controlled by the

Central Government.

 

KOFI ANNEN: I believe .. " Could you speak louder sir. " Yes, excuse me,

I BELIEVE .. that this is a serious matter that must be taken before the

UN Security Council and studied for a few years. In the meantime, I

will assign responsibility to my son to ensure that any income resulting

from tolls or other fees paid by chickens crossing roads will be reach

the proper pockets .. err .. I mean .. UN accounts.

 

SEN. TED KENNEDY: Did a schicken croos de roard? Hic .. hic. Well ..

then I gonna perpose a toast to de schicken.

 

SEN. HILLARY CLINTON: Because the chicken was a stupid Republican. It

was an attempt to place fear in the hearts of the American people and

justify improper planning. There was insufficient justification for the

chicken to cross the road at this time. When I am president (in 2008) I

will ensure that American chickens do not cross roads until all of the

intelligence information has been properly evaluated and we can be

absolutely certain that there is a need to cross the road.

 

SEN. BARBARA BOXER: Its obvious that the chicken was just so mesmerized

by instructions he had received that he put aside his caution and ethics

and tried to convince the public that crossing the road was in the best

interests of the American people. The chicken's loyalty to the mission

overwhelmed his respect for the truth,

 

CONDI RICE: I will NOT tolerate you or anyone else questioning the

ethics of my chickens!

 

COLIN POWELL: Now, ladies and gentlemen, at the left of the screen you

can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

 

DONALD RUMSFELD: Uh .. I thought I answered that question already.

 

GENERAL TOMMY FRANKS: Ask my public relations staff officer. I'm not

here to give interviews .. my mission is to kill chickens.

 

THE GHOST OF GENERAL GEORGE PATTON: OK you whining, panty-waisted,

pathetic maggots, it's time for a little refresher course on exactly why

chickens occasionally have to cross roads. Tear yourself away from your

" reality " TV and Starbucks for a minute, pull your head out of your

flabby ass -- and LISTEN UP! Chickens cross roads because its a part of

the forward movement plan .. simple as that! Now .. what part of that

did you not get? You've fallen asleep AGAIN, you maggot! DISMISSED!

 

JOHN ASHCROFT: I can't release that information at this time as its

still under investigation. I will say, however, that the naked chicken

has now been appropriately dressed.

 

(New) SEC. of HOMELAND SECURITY: The chicken has been apprehended and

is being interrogated. We have reason to believe the chicken entered

the United States from Mexico using false identification papers and was

scoping out the width of roads to gain intelligence information for a

future terrorist attack on American roads.

 

JOHN KERRY: First .. let me say that I was for the chicken crossing the

road before I was against it .. and now I am for it again. When I'm

president (in 2008) I'll ensure that any chicken can cross any road at

any time without fear of injury from uncontrolled vehicles driven by

irresponsible Conservatives. I'll institute Central Medical Facilities

near each road in the United States to ensure that American chickens,

who are now disenfranchised by the present administration, will receive

appropriate FREE medical attention if they are harmed while crossing a

road. I am reporting for duty .. and chicken is something I understand.

 

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you

mean by " Chicken " ? Could you define " Chicken " , please?

 

MONICA: I don't care why the chicken crossed the road because I knew

the chicken was a Democrat and I want nothing else to do with them. I

even voted Republican in this past election .. those Democrats left a

bad taste in my mouth.

 

KEN STARR: I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the

behest of the President of the United States of America in an effort to

distract law enforcement officials and the American public from

systematic criminal wrong doings our highest elected official has been

trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in

the President's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and

undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer

the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully with our

investigation. And furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to

reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any

Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. (We also

are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the

Reverend Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an

effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or

at least to ruffle his feathers.)

 

DAN RATHER: I have in my hands, ladies and gentlemen, irrefutable proof

that the chicken did not cross the road .. that the chicken did not even

show up at the side of the road at the appointed time .. and in total

disregard of his official duty to do so.

 

MICHAEL MOORE: Snort .. it was all a part of a Conservative conspiracy

to rob us .. belch .. of our liberty and waste precious funds .. fart ..

on idiotic ventures that do not support the progressive movements that

we .. scratch .. should be seeking. We need more government oversight

to ensure .. hic .. that chickens are not allowed to .. scratch .. run

around all over the place without supervision and cross roads whenever

they feel like it. And if you disagree with me my lawyers will sue you.

 

DAVID HOROWITZ: Its plain to see that the chicken intended to travel to

the university on the other side of the road and teach Socialist babble

to our young people. Two new studies point to campuses as oases of this

idiotic liberal thinking. The first, a survey of 1,000 academics, shows

that there are seven Chickens for every Republican in the humanities and

social sciences. The Chicken-Republican odds are 30 to 1 in anthropology

and even 3 to 1 in economics. "

 

ANN COULTER: Chickens claim to be on the peace loving left - but forget

what they say, they are violent. They were slashing tires on Election

Day. I was physically attacked by one this year. I hope they all end

up in prison and enjoy the benefits of gay marriage. Let ’em bother me

again they'll end up dead.

 

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't

you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was

going to the " other side. " That's what they call it - the " other side " .

Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you

will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out

this abomination that the Liberal Media whitewashes with such seemingly

harmless phrases like " the other side. "

 

HANS BLIX: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have

not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

 

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This incident, like the Kurds protesting against my

rule, was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in

dropping 50 tons of nerve gas (which we didn't have) on the chicken.

 

MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Ex-Iraq ambassador): The chicken did not cross the

road. This is a complete American fabrication. We don't even have a

chicken. In fact, if you will listen to our Minister of Propaganda, we

don't even have any roads.

 

AL GORE: I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the

chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two

different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to

bring greater services to the American people.

 

THE POPE: Chicken? Uhhhh .. My Blessings .. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

 

RUSH LIMBAUGH: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll

bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet

someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens

with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more

of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing a road paid for by

their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your

money folks, money the government took from you to build these roads for

chickens to cross.

 

MADONNA: He was a Jewish chicken from Morocco who had accepted the

Zohar .. so he was traveling to see Rabbi Barry Marcus of the Central

Synagogue in London because he had cancer and needed to purchase ten

cases of my Kabbalah water.

 

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: Its quite obvious! The road, you will see, represents

the Black Man. The chicken didn't cross the road .. he crossed the

Black Man in order to trample him and keep him down.

 

TAMMY BAKER: Ohhhhhhhh .. the poor chicken. God has asked me to share

this information with you all .. sob, sob, sob. Please send a minimum

of $5 to my ministry so I can share this beautiful information with you.

 

MARTHA STEWART: No one called to advise me which way that chicken was

going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs

when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any

inside information.

 

RALPH NADER: The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had

been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not

reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was

crushed beneath the wheels of a gas guzzling SUV.

 

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. Alone.

 

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be

free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

 

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be

listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming

story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to

accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

 

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

 

DR. SEUSS:

Did the chicken cross the road?

Did he cross it with a toad?

Yes, The chicken crossed the road.

But why it crossed, I've not been told!

 

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

 

KARL MARX: It was an historical inevitability.

 

VOLTAIRE: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend

to the death its right to do it.

 

CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

 

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many

more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

 

SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken

crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

 

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2005, which will not only

cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and

balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part

of eChicken 2005.

 

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road

move beneath the chicken?

 

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.

Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good

enough for us.

 

NAHA: No comment!

 

ARC: We don't know. We understand that the chicken was contracted by

our organization to cross the road, but the chicken still refuses to

provide us with any information on its activities.

 

GARY YOUNG: It was ordained. The chicken heard God's message and came

to seek the amazing healing powers of my therapeutic essential oils.

 

COLONEL SANDERS: You mean I missed one?

 

BUTCH: To get to the other side?

 

Y'all keep smiling. :-) Butch http://www.AV-AT.com