O/T Joke What my mother taught me

[Guest guest]

My Mother Taught Me...

 

 

TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:

" If you're going to fight with each other, do it outside - I just finished

cleaning! "

 

RELIGION:

" You better pray that will come out of the carpet. "

 

TIME TRAVEL:

" If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next

week! "

 

LOGIC:

" Because I said so, that's why. "

 

FORESIGHT:

" Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident. "

 

IRONY:

" Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about. "

 

The science of OSMOSIS:

" Shut your mouth and eat your supper! "

 

CONTORTIONISM:

" Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck! "

 

STAMINA:

" You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished. "

 

WEATHER:

" It looks as if a tornado swept through your room. "

 

How to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:

" If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then? "

 

HYPOCRISY:

" If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!! "

 

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:

" I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. "

 

BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:

" Stop acting like your father! "

 

ENVY:

" There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have

wonderful parents like you do! "