O/T Joke What would you do?

[Guest guest]

What would you do?

 

You are one of *two* people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one

parachute.

How would you react?

 

Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway.

 

Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just

like this before.

 

Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.

 

Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in

multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.

 

Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.

 

Doctor: you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in

order to make your next appointment.

 

Sales executive: you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and get the

names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.

 

Internal Revenue Service: you confiscate the parachute along with their

luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.

 

Advertiser: you strip-tease while singing that what they need is a neon

parachute with computer altimeter for only $39.99.

 

Engineer: you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and dental

floss.

 

Scientist: you give them the parachute and ask them to send you a report on

how well it worked.

 

Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will

work in all cases.

 

Philosopher: you ask how they know the parachute actually exists.

 

English major: you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute

instructions.

 

Comparative Literature: you read the parachute instructions in all four

languages.

 

Computer Science: you design a machine capable of operating a parachute as

well as a human being could.

 

Economics: you plot a demand curve by asking them, at regular intervals, how

much they would pay for a parachute.

 

Psychoanalysis: you ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds them of.

 

Drama: you tie them down so they can watch you develop the character of a

person stuck on a falling plane without a parachute.

 

Art: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.

 

Republican: as you jump out with the parachute, you tell them to work hard and

not expect handouts.

 

Democrat: you ask them for a dollar to buy scissors so you can cut the

parachute into two equal pieces.

 

Libertarian: after reminding them of their constitutional right to have a

parachute, you take it and jump out.

 

National Rifle Association: you shoot them and take the parachute.

 

Police Bigot: you beat them unconscious with the parachute.

 

Environmentalist: you refuse to use the parachute unless it is biodegradable.

 

Objectivist: your only rational and moral choice is to take the parachute, as

the free market will take care of the other person.

 

Branch Davidian (David Koresh): you get inside the parachute and refuse to

come out.

 

Sports Fan: you start betting on how long it will take to crash.

 

Auto Mechanic: as long as you are looking at the plane engine, it works fine.

 

Ross Perot: you tell them not to worry, since it won't take you long to learn

how to fix a plane.

 

Surgeon General: you issue a warning that skydiving can be hazardous to your

health.

 

Association of Tobacco Growers: you explain very patiently that despite a

number of remarkable coincidences, studies have shown no link whatsoever between

airplane crashes and death.