OT Humour: Memo from Santa: I regret to inform you that, effective immediately ..

[Guest guest]

Memo from Santa: I regret to inform you that, effective immediately

....

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately ...... I will no longer serve

the States of Georgia, Florida, Alabama, North and South Carolina, Tennessee,

Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.

 

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was

renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new

and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that

in mind.

 

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local

replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.

 

His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering

toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences

between us.

 

Differences such as:

 

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He

has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: " These toys

insured by Smith and Wesson. "

 

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC

cola and pork rinds on the fireplace.

 

3. You won't hear " On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and Blitzen... " when Bubba

Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, " On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and

Petty. "

 

4. " Ho, Ho, Ho " has been replaced by " Yee Haw " And you also are likely to hear

Bubba's elves respond, " I her'd dat "

 

5. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a

Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words " Back Off. "

 

6. The usual Christmas movie classics such as " Miracle on 34th Street " and " It's

a Wonderful Life " will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead,

you'll see " Boss Hogg Saves Christmas " and " Smokey and the Bandit IV " featuring

Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each

other.

 

And Finally,

 

7. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife,

and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the

tree.

 

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

LOVE IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Rita

 

Dorothy <db wrote:

Memo from Santa: I regret to inform you that, effective immediately

....

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately ...... I will no longer serve

the States of Georgia, Florida, Alabama, North and South Carolina, Tennessee,

Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.

 

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was

renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new

and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that

in mind.

 

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local

replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.

 

His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering

toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences

between us.

 

Differences such as:

 

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He

has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: " These toys

insured by Smith and Wesson. "

 

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC

cola and pork rinds on the fireplace.

 

3. You won't hear " On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and Blitzen... " when Bubba

Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, " On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and

Petty. "

 

4. " Ho, Ho, Ho " has been replaced by " Yee Haw " And you also are likely to hear

Bubba's elves respond, " I her'd dat "

 

5. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a

Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words " Back Off. "

 

6. The usual Christmas movie classics such as " Miracle on 34th Street " and " It's

a Wonderful Life " will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead,

you'll see " Boss Hogg Saves Christmas " and " Smokey and the Bandit IV " featuring

Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each

other.

 

And Finally,

 

7. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife,

and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the

tree.

 

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus