O/T Jokes...

[Guest guest]

I think we need a few laffs today, here's two:

 

Being held hostage by hormones

 

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?

SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?

SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

 

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?

SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.

SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!

ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

 

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?

SAFER: Could we be overreacting?

SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.

ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

 

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?

SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.

SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

 

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?

SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.

SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!

ULTRASAFE: Have some more chocolate

 

******************************

The Perfect Man?

 

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself

to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of

aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.

He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and

pressed.

 

Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,

spotless and clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table " Honey,

breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love

You! "

 

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot

breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

 

Marty asks, " Son, what happened last night? "

 

His son says, " Well, you came home after 3 AM, drunk and delirious.

You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a

black eye when you stumbled into the door. "

 

Confused, Marty asks, " So, why is everything in order and so

clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? "

 

His son replies, " Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and

when she tried to take your pants off, you said, " Lady, leave me

alone, I'm married! "

 

> > > > > A self-induced hangover - $100.00

> > > > >

> > > > > Broken furniture - $200.00

> > > > >

> > > > > Breakfast - $10.00

> > > > >

> > > > > Saying the right thing - PRICELESS

 

Carol