OT: Politically Correct Holiday Party

[Guest guest]

OMG, what a scream!!! This is one for the personal archives--thanks tons Butch!

Serra

 

 

 

Butch Owen wrote:

 

> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

> TO: All Employees

> DATE: December 1, 200X

> RE: Christmas Party

>

> I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place

> on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the

> Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a

> small band playing traditional carols .. feel free to sing along. And

> don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

>

 

<regretfully snipped for brevity, not levity>

 

--

eBay Seller ID jadenhaize

Check out the opening of my eBay store!! Nice stuff and great prices!

http://stores.ebay.com/SerrasSecretSurplus

[Guest guest]

Butch this is fantastic and a keeper! Blessings, Debbie (Alabama)

-

Butch Owen

Monday, December 06, 2004 12:54 AM

OT: Politically Correct Holiday Party

 

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 1, 200X

RE: Christmas Party

 

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place

on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the

Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a

small band playing traditional carols .. feel free to sing along. And

don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

 

A Christmas Tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchange of gifts among

employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over

$10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This

gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be made by

our CEO at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family.

 

Patty

____________________

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 2, 200X

RE: Holiday Party

 

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often

coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However,

from now on we're calling it our " Holiday Party. " The same policy

applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still

celebrating Reconciliation Day.

 

There will be no Christmas Tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We

will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy

Holidays to you and your family.

 

Patty

____________________

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 3, 200X

RE: Holiday Party

 

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous

requesting a non-drinking table .. you didn't sign your name. I'm happy

to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,

" AA Only " ; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to

handle this? Somebody?

 

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange is allowed since the

union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe

$10.00 is a little chintzy.

 

NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

 

Patty

____________________

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

All Employees

DATE: December 7, 200X

RE: Holiday Party

 

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the

Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during

daylight hours. There goes the party!

 

Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does

not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House

can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party, or else

package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy.

Will that work?

 

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest

from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to

the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not

have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there

will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person

asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing allowed though.

 

We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be

available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the

food so we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste first.

There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant

cannot supply " No Sugar " desserts.

 

Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?

 

Patty

____________________

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Fu%#ing Employees

DATE: December 10, 200X

RE: The Fu%#ing Holiday Party

 

Vegetarians?!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep

this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit

quietly at the table furthest from the " grill of death, " as you so

quaintly put it, and you'll get your fu%#ing salad bar, including

organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They

scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them

scream right NOW!

 

I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die you sorry

pieces of dawg s#%t, do you all hear me!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!

 

The Bitch from Human Resources HELL!!!!!!!!

____________________

 

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: December 14, 200X

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

 

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery

and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

 

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and

give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

 

Happy Holidays .. or Happy Day Off .. as applicable. Joan

 

 

 

 

 

 

Step By Step Instructions On Making Rose Petal Preserves:

http://www.av-at.com/stuff/rosejam.html

 

To adjust your group settings (i.e. go no mail) see the following link:

/join

 

 

[Guest guest]

Yes, funny it is, but it is also sad -- a very well known computer company that

I was associated with went from having a family holiday gathering to maybe

getting the day off -- the whole PC thing go to be to much so they just stopped

having anything. Employees weren't even allowed to decorate their own offices.

Thats OK, because now most of our jobs are in another country and we're not

associated with them anymore!

 

Rita

Butch Owen <butchbsi wrote:

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 1, 200X

RE: Christmas Party

 

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place

on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the

Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a

small band playing traditional carols .. feel free to sing along. And

don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

 

A Christmas Tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchange of gifts among

employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over

$10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This

gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be made by

our CEO at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family.

 

Patty

____________________

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 2, 200X

RE: Holiday Party

 

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often

coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However,

from now on we're calling it our " Holiday Party. " The same policy

applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still

celebrating Reconciliation Day.

 

There will be no Christmas Tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We

will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy

Holidays to you and your family.

 

Patty

____________________

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 3, 200X

RE: Holiday Party

 

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous

requesting a non-drinking table .. you didn't sign your name. I'm happy

to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,

" AA Only " ; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to

handle this? Somebody?

 

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange is allowed since the

union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe

$10.00 is a little chintzy.

 

NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

 

Patty

____________________

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

All Employees

DATE: December 7, 200X

RE: Holiday Party

 

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the

Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during

daylight hours. There goes the party!

 

Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does

not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House

can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party, or else

package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy.

Will that work?

 

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest

from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to

the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not

have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there

will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person

asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing allowed though.

 

We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be

available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the

food so we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste first.

There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant

cannot supply " No Sugar " desserts.

 

Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?

 

Patty

____________________

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Fu%#ing Employees

DATE: December 10, 200X

RE: The Fu%#ing Holiday Party

 

Vegetarians?!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep

this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit

quietly at the table furthest from the " grill of death, " as you so

quaintly put it, and you'll get your fu%#ing salad bar, including

organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They

scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them

scream right NOW!

 

I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die you sorry

pieces of dawg s#%t, do you all hear me!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!

 

The Bitch from Human Resources HELL!!!!!!!!

____________________

 

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: December 14, 200X

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

 

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery

and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

 

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and

give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

 

Happy Holidays .. or Happy Day Off .. as applicable. Joan

 

 

 

 

 

 

Step By Step Instructions On Making Rose Petal Preserves:

http://www.av-at.com/stuff/rosejam.html

 

To adjust your group settings (i.e. go no mail) see the following link:

/join

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 1, 200X

RE: Christmas Party

 

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place

on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the

Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a

small band playing traditional carols .. feel free to sing along. And

don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

 

A Christmas Tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchange of gifts among

employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over

$10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This

gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be made by

our CEO at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family.

 

Patty

____________________

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 2, 200X

RE: Holiday Party

 

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often

coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However,

from now on we're calling it our " Holiday Party. " The same policy

applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still

celebrating Reconciliation Day.

 

There will be no Christmas Tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We

will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now? Happy

Holidays to you and your family.

 

Patty

____________________

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 3, 200X

RE: Holiday Party

 

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous

requesting a non-drinking table .. you didn't sign your name. I'm happy

to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,

" AA Only " ; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to

handle this? Somebody?

 

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange is allowed since the

union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe

$10.00 is a little chintzy.

 

NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

 

Patty

____________________

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

All Employees

DATE: December 7, 200X

RE: Holiday Party

 

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the

Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during

daylight hours. There goes the party!

 

Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does

not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House

can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party, or else

package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy.

Will that work?

 

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest

from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to

the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not

have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there

will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person

asking permission to cross dress, no cross dressing allowed though.

 

We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be

available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the

food so we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste first.

There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant

cannot supply " No Sugar " desserts.

 

Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?

 

Patty

____________________

 

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Fu%#ing Employees

DATE: December 10, 200X

RE: The Fu%#ing Holiday Party

 

Vegetarians?!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep

this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit

quietly at the table furthest from the " grill of death, " as you so

quaintly put it, and you'll get your fu%#ing salad bar, including

organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They

scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them

scream right NOW!

 

I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die you sorry

pieces of dawg s#%t, do you all hear me!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!

 

The Bitch from Human Resources HELL!!!!!!!!

____________________

 

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: December 14, 200X

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

 

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery

and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

 

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and

give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

 

Happy Holidays .. or Happy Day Off .. as applicable. Joan

[Guest guest]

>

> Yes, funny it is, but it is also sad

 

Indeed! I really miss hearing those beautiful old-fashioned Christmas carols

on the radio.

I am NOT a Christian. But that is the tradtion

I grew up in, and those beautiful songs still

resonate in the heart.

 

Now we have those insipid plastic winter songs

like " Frosty the Snowman " . Blech! Not to

mention that red-nosed reindeer and his

insufferable foes/friends.

What kind of friends will love you only because the

big boss finds a use for you? This is supposed

to be a happy ending?

 

Anyhow....If we are to have a multi-culti world,

and I am all in favor of that, let's celebrate ALL

the the high holidays! Extra days off for everyone!

 

I am quite willing to put up with Diwali and Hanuka

songs etc mixed in with the carols.

 

Ien in the Kootenays

**************************************

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a Whole Heaping Lot

for the places and people

you're lucky you're not!

~Dr Seus

who is this Kootenay person anyway?

http://www.greatestnetworker.com/is/ien

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