Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 .. Hi Buffy, I have been very moved by the replies to your post, and hope you can spare the time to read another. I applaud you for making the decision you have and can absolutely relate to your anger. I felt I lived with the same feelings and it has taken me years to realise that the anger was mainly about how I felt about myself and the injustices thatI felt life had dished out to me....... When I met my husband I was 23, all my friends were married and the sigh of relief when I finally " found " someone was tantamount in my decision to stay with him. (Spinster........bad word!) So, I gathered up my power , tied a big bow around it put it on a gold platter and passed it to my husband on bended knee. Then I spent the next 21 years totally annoyed as I felt powerless! DUH!!!! Took me years to work that one out. The sad thing is that after I left him, I found out from friends and family that the sigh was actually " Oh, no! " My bestest girlfriend in the world told me only a year ago that she was really upset when she met him, as he was not good enough for her pal. The same pal who settled for less than she deserved, only I didn't know that. Took a physical blow that required 2 operations to fix for me to make the move. Aromatherapy was my key, it was my niche and I fell in love with it, and still feel the same way. It gave me back my self respect as I was helping peoplepeople. Took a while for me to admit that I actually was making a difference and that it was not just a " collection of flukes " . Seven weeks after I left my ex and I had set up my clinic, my new husband came for a treatment. I believe that husband number one was my lesson and number two is my reward. It has taken me until a few months ago (7 years later) to let go of my anger, a remark from a caring friend (who is on this list!) made me re-examine how much that emotion was part of my life. I realised it was not PMS, it was just that instead of letting go of my feelings, I had just put them to one side to deal with later.Instead of going away, they festered, and my poor darling Dave copped the eruptions that occurred even though I am very happy with him. It made it worse that I did not understand where the indignant rage coming from. So, it is so great that you are dealing with your anger now.Whatever you do, please remember you are not alone. I live in New Zealand and hear stories like ours all the time. It is happening everywhere, it is so wonderful that we are doing something about it, not like some of our mothers and their mothers before them,who put up with their lot! Kind regards and good luck in your future. Jeanine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 Buffy, My heart goes out to you. I will keep you in my prayers that all will work out for you..... My first husband didn't really know how to be a husband, and I think we both endured emotional abuse, simply because we didn't know any better. However, I grew up in a home where my father was an alcoholic, and was physically abusive to my mother. Very very difficult situation to say the least. NO ONE deserves to be treated badly....I am sure that leaving is hard....my mother divorced my father after 28 years.... On a good note, she found a wonderful man, and has been remarried for 16 years now. I am sure that you will find happiness in your life. BTW, you don't NEED a man for happiness. Just know that all your friends are here for you, when and if you need us. Keep the faith, and take good care. Hugs, Candy in AL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 Hey Buffy, I want to thank you for having the courage to share. I hope it helps to see that you are not alone in this sort of situation. I've been surprised by the amount of women who have chimed in with their stories. It helps me as well. Yep, yours truly is in the same sort of boat. You know things aren't going well when he calls you " Lazy Fat Ass Leech " and means it. >shrug< I haven't got up the courage to leave yet... having four young children on me own is rather terrifying to say the least. However after reading all the replies to your note has been of some help. At least I know that I'm not alone. Take care and be well. K Cheers! Kathleen Petrides The PurrfinickyQueen http://www.fatcatcandleco.com Candles, Kitty Carpets, articles, practically everything but the Hairball! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 Buffy, Hang in there.. I've left two bad marriages and only left them when it was a matter of survival. It was not easy, especially for me, with 4 small children, no other family to help, no American education and an accent, sort of puts you on the bottom of the barrel. For the past 20 years, I've been on my own and am very content with that. Raised the children for the most part myself, they all graduated, went to College. Yes, there where problems, big ones, such as some of my children not adjusting well to the divorce from their father, one child died at age 15 and I wish I've had the support of a spouse than. But overall I do not regret my decisions, wish I had done it earlier in both cases. I also enjoy my independence and seem to be one of those people that does better on their own. Divorces are ugly, take my advice, get yourself the meanest , toughest, self absorbed lawyer you can find because the word 'fair' does not exist when it comes to a divorce. Also, before you split, find out what kind of laws are applicable in your State as to property, debts,maintenance, etc. Shelter yourself, establish credit i your own name, etc. I wish you well ! C-M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 ROFLMAO! Sour pusses! I saw a saying on another list " A good friend will help you move, a really good friend will help you move a body. Call me and I'll bring a shovel " Something very like that. Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh Carol. Cheers! Kathleen Petrides The PurrfinickyQueen http://www.fatcatcandleco.com Candles, Kitty Carpets, articles, practically everything but the Hairball! > [Original Message] > Carol Pearce <cjpearce > > 9/28/2004 7:13:31 PM > Re: Re: Life in Turmoil > > My saying for the past 4 years has been, " The only good ex husband is a > dead ex husband " , my laywer and cop friend, just don't see the humor in that > statement.. > > Oh well, > Carol > > > > > Step By Step Instructions On Making Rose Petal Preserves: http://www.av-at.com/stuff/rosejam.html > > To adjust your group settings (i.e. go no mail) see the following link: /join > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 I used to have a guy who falls into this category--at the time a friend of mine gave me a keychain... " I just got a dog for my boyfriend--it was a fair trade " . Note not all men are like this--the ones who are seem to get all the press tho. Hugs, Serra Kathleen Petrides wrote: > ROFLMAO! Sour pusses! > > I saw a saying on another list " A good friend will help you move, a really > good friend will help you move a body. Call me and I'll bring a shovel " > > Something very like that. Hilarious! > > Thanks for the laugh Carol. > > Cheers! > Kathleen Petrides > The PurrfinickyQueen > http://www.fatcatcandleco.com > Candles, Kitty Carpets, articles, practically everything but the Hairball! > > > [Original Message] > > Carol Pearce <cjpearce > > > > 9/28/2004 7:13:31 PM > > Re: Re: Life in Turmoil > > > > My saying for the past 4 years has been, " The only good ex husband is a > > dead ex husband " , my laywer and cop friend, just don't see the humor in > that > > statement.. > > > > Oh well, > > Carol -- serraangel @ chartermi.net for latest co-op info! eBay Seller ID jadenhaize Check out the opening of my eBay store!! Nice stuff and great prices! http://stores.ebay.com/SerrasSecretSurplus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 at the time a friend of mine gave me a keychain... " I just got a dog for my > boyfriend--it was a fair trade " . HA! I once sent a joke to the list that was similar... Woman was driving her car in the desert, Gave an old indian lady a ride. As they were chatting the driver mentioned that she got a bottle of wine for her husband... The old Indian lady thought about it for a minute, nodded her head and said " Fair Trade " ROFL! You are right, it's the bad ones that get the press, Shame about that really. I have heard about one or two good ones, I even know a couple, and you can bet your bottom dollars their wives know they've got a good thing and aren't letting go! ;-) Cheers! Kathleen Petrides The PurrfinickyQueen http://www.fatcatcandleco.com Candles, Kitty Carpets, articles, practically everything but the Hairball! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 My saying for the past 4 years has been, " The only good ex husband is a dead ex husband " , my laywer and cop friend, just don't see the humor in that statement.. Oh well, Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 Anytime babe... and you can email me if you need to chat. Carol - " Kathleen Petrides " <PurrfinickyQueen Tuesday, September 28, 2004 7:37 PM Re: Re: Life in Turmoil > ROFLMAO! Sour pusses! > > I saw a saying on another list " A good friend will help you move, a really > good friend will help you move a body. Call me and I'll bring a shovel " > > Something very like that. Hilarious! > > Thanks for the laugh Carol. > > Cheers! > Kathleen Petrides > The PurrfinickyQueen > http://www.fatcatcandleco.com > Candles, Kitty Carpets, articles, practically everything but the Hairball! > > > > [Original Message] > > Carol Pearce <cjpearce > > > > 9/28/2004 7:13:31 PM > > Re: Re: Life in Turmoil > > > > My saying for the past 4 years has been, " The only good ex husband is a > > dead ex husband " , my laywer and cop friend, just don't see the humor in > that > > statement.. > > > > Oh well, > > Carol > > > > > > > > > > Step By Step Instructions On Making Rose Petal Preserves: > http://www.av-at.com/stuff/rosejam.html > > > > To adjust your group settings (i.e. go no mail) see the following link: > /join > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 lol My aunt out lived 2 of her 3 husbands. When the first ex died she framed his death certificate and hung it on the wall. When the second died a few years later she did the same thing but in between the two she hung an empty frame and every time my uncle started acting up she would point to the empty frame and smile ! LMAO He hated that !! Towards the end of her life she and my uncle were bickering so much that she would tell him " one of us needs to die and I just might help you ! " She was a pistol and I miss her every day. Hugs, Sally - Carol Pearce<cjpearce < > Wednesday, September 29, 2004 12:07 AM Re: Re: Life in Turmoil My saying for the past 4 years has been, " The only good ex husband is a dead ex husband " , my laywer and cop friend, just don't see the humor in that statement.. Oh well, Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 Hi Kathleen, I hope that you have not allowed your husband to beat down you self esteem and self respect ! A man who says such terrible and hurtful things like that is a man who himself has low self esteem. I know how hard and scary it is to leave when you have children. I did it with 2 . But you know what ?? You can do it if you really want to. Pull yourself up by your boot straps and don't let him kick you around anymore. Show yourself and him that you are a woman and therefore you deserve respect ! And if that doesn't work........I know a good hit man ! LMAO just joking ! Hugs, Sally - Kathleen Petrides<PurrfinickyQueen < > Tuesday, September 28, 2004 8:09 PM RE: Re: Life in Turmoil Hey Buffy, I want to thank you for having the courage to share. I hope it helps to see that you are not alone in this sort of situation. I've been surprised by the amount of women who have chimed in with their stories. It helps me as well. Yep, yours truly is in the same sort of boat. You know things aren't going well when he calls you " Lazy Fat Ass Leech " and means it. >shrug< I haven't got up the courage to leave yet... having four young children on me own is rather terrifying to say the least. However after reading all the replies to your note has been of some help. At least I know that I'm not alone. Take care and be well. K Cheers! Kathleen Petrides The PurrfinickyQueen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 ........I know a good hit man ! LMAO just joking ! " Shame that, A good, discreet hit man would come in handy right about now! LOL! Actually, don't really wish him dead (yet), he's a good father, just a lousy husband. Course, to be absolutely fair, I'm not a swell of a wife either. I got married too old to learn how to compromise much, plus I AM contrary... and to top it off, I hold grudges and as he once said " You BLOODY IRISH, you never forget a damned thing! " So he's been in deep kimchee ever since the day in London when a feller came up to him and said " Buy a rose for the Lady? " His response was to look around and say " What Lady? " Yep. Yep. Deep Kim Chee! And that was BEFORE we got married. After 11 years, I got's me a HUGE list. He's been wishing I had a bad case of amnesia for YEARS! ROFLMAO! I'm doing better. I was wallowing in it for a while but while not completely out of the mire, I can at least see the tops of me boots now. ;-) Thanks for all the good thoughts, and especially the funnies. Laughter really IS the best medicine for whatever ails ya! K Cheers! Kathleen Petrides The PurrfinickyQueen http://www.fatcatcandleco.com Candles, Kitty Carpets, articles, practically everything but the Hairball! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 Sally, Your aunt reminds me of my great-great grandmother. I even have a picture of her from the 1800 something.. Always was told she was married 3 times and every time inherited a farm.. C-M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 << A man who says such terrible and hurtful things like that is a man who himself has low self esteem. I know how hard and scary it is to leave when you have children. I did it with 2 . But you know what ?? You can do it if you really want to. Pull yourself up by your boot straps and don't let him kick you around anymore. Show yourself and him that you are a woman and therefore you deserve respect ! >> Sally is right. The truth is also that if you don't change yourself, you are very likely to get into another relationship where you will have the same experience. Might not look like that in the beginning, but it sure will happen... My husband gave me the choice of a abortion or marriage when we had an un expectant pregnancy. He made his choice , I made mine and filed for separation when I was 2 month pregnant. Almost 30 years ago, that was not an easy decision. my idea of marriage was a bit like 'Donna Reed'.., also I came from Europe and was raised to be a doormat for a husband. 30 years ago, I had no credit in my own name and was treated like a non-person. Seems that every one , for everything wanted to know who my husband was or father. ( My father disowned me on my wedding name). I got so angry at that and was so humiliated, talk about destroying my self esteem !So I decided to ditch my last name, to make people deal with ME, if they wanted to get paid, have property in my name etc. etc. My birth name used to be Christa-Maria B.....k, married name Christa-Maria H..n and I changed it legally to just Christa-Maria. No first name, no last name, no middle name. That was before computers and it worked. I got all new papers, could get credit and felt like my own person. Got a little complicated when computers surfaced, they demand a last name, but legally you don't have to have one. I know it's unorthodox, but it gave me the self -esteem booster, I badly needed at a very difficult time. At times , I run into funny situations with this, like my first driver's license came out Christa-Maria Deleted, but in general it has worked for me. People wan to get paid, they have to deal with me, not my husband or father.... C-M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 I was a single parent with 5 kids. As soon as I thought I might be pregnant with #5, he left. You can do it alone. It won't be easy but nothing worth having is easy to get. Paula ........in Michigan Coming soon Farm Fresh Soaps & Candles paula - Kathleen Petrides Tuesday, September 28, 2004 9:09 PM RE: Re: Life in Turmoil Hey Buffy, I want to thank you for having the courage to share. I hope it helps to see that you are not alone in this sort of situation. I've been surprised by the amount of women who have chimed in with their stories. It helps me as well. Yep, yours truly is in the same sort of boat. You know things aren't going well when he calls you " Lazy Fat Ass Leech " and means it. >shrug< I haven't got up the courage to leave yet... having four young children on me own is rather terrifying to say the least. However after reading all the replies to your note has been of some help. At least I know that I'm not alone. Take care and be well. K Cheers! Kathleen Petrides The PurrfinickyQueen http://www.fatcatcandleco.com Candles, Kitty Carpets, articles, practically everything but the Hairball! Step By Step Instructions On Making Rose Petal Preserves: http://www.av-at.com/stuff/rosejam.html To adjust your group settings (i.e. go no mail) see the following link: /join Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 *raising her coffee mug in a toast* With 2 ex-husbands, I'll drink to that ! Paula ........in Michigan Coming soon Farm Fresh Soaps & Candles paula My saying for the past 4 years has been, " The only good ex husband is a dead ex husband " , my laywer and cop friend, just don't see the humor in that statement.. Oh well, Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 Half of my basement has a dirt floor. If we work fast, we can finish burying the evidence before DH gets home from work at 3:30 ! Hurry !! LOL Paula ........in Michigan Coming soon Farm Fresh Soaps & Candles paula ROFLMAO! Sour pusses! I saw a saying on another list " A good friend will help you move, a really good friend will help you move a body. Call me and I'll bring a shovel " Something very like that. Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh Carol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 Your aunt sounds like she was a force to be reckoned with ! LOL I have a few relatives like that and they will be dearly missed when they are no longer with us. You were very blessed to have had her in your life. Everyone needs a bit of dark humor every now & then ! Paula ........in Michigan Coming soon Farm Fresh Soaps & Candles paula lol My aunt out lived 2 of her 3 husbands. When the first ex died she framed his death certificate and hung it on the wall. When the second died a few years later she did the same thing but in between the two she hung an empty frame and every time my uncle started acting up she would point to the empty frame and smile ! LMAO He hated that !! Towards the end of her life she and my uncle were bickering so much that she would tell him " one of us needs to die and I just might help you ! " She was a pistol and I miss her every day. Hugs, Sally Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 ........I know a good hit man ! LMAO just joking ! " Shame that, A good, discreet hit man would come in handy right about now! LOL! Sure is a shame ! I was going to ask for his number !! LOL Good to hear that you can at least find your boot tops now. We are all here for you when ever you need us. Paula ........in Michigan Coming soon Farm Fresh Soaps & Candles paula Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 The lawyer had to basically rip the check out of my hand to pay for his services... $11, 000 so far, I told him, " you know I could have had everything I wanted, four years ago, If I'd paid $2000 to a hitman, it's now 4 years later and nothing has been resolved " . I've pretty much given up, he wants a divorce, he can buy it, lol...He has a new family now, and I'm happy for him, really I am... Most days..lol Carol - " Kathleen Petrides " <PurrfinickyQueen Wednesday, September 29, 2004 12:29 AM Re: Re: Life in Turmoil > .......I know a good hit man ! LMAO just joking ! " > > Shame that, A good, discreet hit man would come in handy right about now! > LOL! > > Actually, don't really wish him dead (yet), he's a good father, just a > lousy husband. Course, to be absolutely fair, I'm not a swell of a wife > either. I got married too old to learn how to compromise much, plus I AM > contrary... and to top it off, I hold grudges and as he once said " You > BLOODY IRISH, you never forget a damned thing! " So he's been in deep > kimchee ever since the day in London when a feller came up to him and said > " Buy a rose for the Lady? " His response was to look around and say " What > Lady? " Yep. Yep. Deep Kim Chee! And that was BEFORE we got married. After > 11 years, I got's me a HUGE list. He's been wishing I had a bad case of > amnesia for YEARS! ROFLMAO! > > I'm doing better. I was wallowing in it for a while but while not > completely out of the mire, I can at least see the tops of me boots now. > ;-) > > Thanks for all the good thoughts, and especially the funnies. Laughter > really IS the best medicine for whatever ails ya! > > K > > Cheers! > Kathleen Petrides > The PurrfinickyQueen > http://www.fatcatcandleco.com > Candles, Kitty Carpets, articles, practically everything but the Hairball! > Step By Step Instructions On Making Rose Petal Preserves: http://www.av-at.com/stuff/rosejam.html > > To adjust your group settings (i.e. go no mail) see the following link: /join > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 LOL... Sally, Thanks for the chuckle... The good old days, when men died young..lol Ok, I know... I'm on a male bassing week, It will pass, all to quickly.. So, My girlfriend and I are planning our Christmas shopping, we think we'll start next week...LOL Carol - " Sally Trew " <SallyTrew2 Tuesday, September 28, 2004 11:44 PM Re: Re: Life in Turmoil > lol My aunt out lived 2 of her 3 husbands. When the first ex died she framed his death certificate and hung it on the wall. When the second died a few years later she did the same thing but in between the two she hung an empty frame and every time my uncle started acting up she would point to the empty frame and smile ! LMAO He hated that !! Towards the end of her life she and my uncle were bickering so much that she would tell him " one of us needs to die and I just might help you ! " She was a pistol and I miss her every day. > > Hugs, > Sally > - > Carol Pearce<cjpearce > To: < > > Wednesday, September 29, 2004 12:07 AM > Re: Re: Life in Turmoil > > > My saying for the past 4 years has been, " The only good ex husband is a > dead ex husband " , my laywer and cop friend, just don't see the humor in that > statement.. > > Oh well, > Carol > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 You go girl... thanks for the most inspiring email of the day. :-) Carol - " Christa Maria " <cmaria Wednesday, September 29, 2004 4:11 AM Re: Re: Life in Turmoil > > << > > A man who says such terrible and hurtful things like that is a man who himself has low self esteem. I know how hard and scary it is to leave when you have children. I did it with 2 . But you know what ?? You can do it if you really want to. Pull yourself up by your boot straps and don't let him kick you around anymore. Show yourself and him that you are a woman and therefore you deserve respect ! >> > > Sally is right. The truth is also that if you don't change yourself, you are very likely to get into another relationship where you will have the same experience. Might not look like that in the beginning, but it sure will happen... > My husband gave me the choice of a abortion or marriage when we had an un expectant pregnancy. He made his choice , I made mine and filed for separation when I was 2 month pregnant. > Almost 30 years ago, that was not an easy decision. my idea of marriage was a bit like 'Donna Reed'.., also I came from Europe and was raised to be a doormat for a husband. > 30 years ago, I had no credit in my own name and was treated like a non-person. Seems that every one , for everything wanted to know who my husband was or father. ( My father disowned me on my wedding name). I got so angry at that and was so humiliated, talk about destroying my self esteem !So I decided to ditch my last name, to make people deal with ME, if they wanted to get paid, have property in my name etc. etc. > My birth name used to be Christa-Maria B.....k, married name Christa-Maria H..n and I changed it legally to just Christa-Maria. > No first name, no last name, no middle name. That was before computers and it worked. I got all new papers, could get credit and felt like my own person. Got a little complicated when computers surfaced, they demand a last name, but legally you don't have to have one. I know it's unorthodox, but it gave me the self -esteem booster, I badly needed at a very difficult time. > At times , I run into funny situations with this, like my first driver's license came out Christa-Maria Deleted, but in general it has worked for me. People wan to get paid, they have to deal with me, not my husband or father.... > C-M Step By Step Instructions On Making Rose Petal Preserves: http://www.av-at.com/stuff/rosejam.html > > To adjust your group settings (i.e. go no mail) see the following link: /join > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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