[united_military] why i take the bus from Jonathon (OT)

[Guest guest]

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Re: [united_military] why i take the bus

 

 

 

Wed, 12 May 2010 16:30:54 -0400 (EDT)

 

 

 

jonathonjoseph

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well IB you've convinced

me! And I thought bikes were dangerous at my age! Jonathon

 

 

In a message dated 5/12/2010 8:50:52 A.M. Central Daylight Time,

piston97 writes:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You

can take your $10 disposable camera or $100,000 of expensive video

equipment, wait and wait for the rest of your life, and chances are

that you will never get pictures like these.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Airline

Announcements

 

 

United flight attendant

announced, 'People, people we're not picking out

furniture here, find a seat and get in it!

 

 

*************************************

 

 

On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your

belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's

something

We'd like to have. '

 

 

*************************************

 

 

'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways

out of

This airplane'

 

 

*************************************

 

 

An airline pilot wrote

that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship

Into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required

the

first officer to stand

at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give

them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of his bad

landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,

thinking that

Someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off

except for a little old lady walking with a cane.

 

She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'

 

'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'

 

 

The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'

 

 

***************************************

 

 

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone

voice

came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella, WHOA!'

 

 

*******************************************

 

 

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis

, a flight

attendant on a Northwest flight announced, 'Please take care

when opening the

overhead compartments because sure as hell everything has shifted after

a

landing like that.

 

 

************************************

 

 

 

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We

ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the

terminal.'

 

 

*************************************

 

 

Overheard on an American

Airlines flight into Amarillo,

Texas,

on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the

Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing,

The flight attendant said, 'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo.

 

 

 

 

Please

remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain

 

 

 

taxis

what's left of our airplane to the gate!'

 

 

 

***********************************

 

 

'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an

emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our

compliments.'

 

 

***********************************

 

 

'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.

Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight

attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses...except for that

gentleman over there.'

 

 

*****************************************

 

 

Heard on Southwest Airlines

just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City.

 

 

The

flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite a bump,

 

 

and

I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the

airline's fault,

 

 

it

wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it

was the asphalt.'

 

 

****************************************

 

 

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix,

the attendant came on with,

 

 

'Ladies

and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the

crew

 

 

have

brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once

the

 

 

tire

smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the

door

 

 

and

you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'

 

****************************************

 

 

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank

you

folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane

urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we

hope

you'll think of US Airways.'

 

 

****************************************

 

 

Heard on a Southwest

Airline flight - 'Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to

smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you

can light

'em, you can smoke 'em.'

 

 

****************************************

 

 

 

A plane was taking off from Kennedy

Airport.

After it reached a comfortable

 

 

cruising

altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, '

 

 

Ladies

and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight

 

 

Number

293, nonstop from New

York

to Los

Angeles.

The weather ahead is

 

 

good

and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight.

 

 

Now

sit back and relax... OH , MY GOD!' Silence followed, and after a few

minutes,

 

 

the

captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am

 

 

so

sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight

attendant

 

 

accidentally

spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my

pants!'

 

A passenger in coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of

mine!'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THUNDER

 

keep ur knees in the breese