Rules of attraction: it's all about genes

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Rules of attraction

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Women's Health, Xtra

 

 

 

 

Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea (thanks, mum) - but which is right for you? Whether you're still fishing in the gene pool or have your own groper at home, we've gone swimming for some answers...

Attraction: No one really knows what's behind it – not even scientists who've spent decades studying it. Some say it's all biological, which screams romance about as much as a baboon waving its red bottom in the air. But what about all these married couples who met online that you keep hearing about? Clearly some other, non-sniffable factors come into play. We looked at three theories of attraction to see if we could figure out why one person lights our fire, while others can't even raise a spark.

The theory: it's all about genesApparently we women have a pretty impressive sense of smell. According to the experts, we're able to sniff out a genetically compatible mate. In fact, miniscule differences in his genetic make-up may have been what drew you to your new partner, or made you go a bit giggly around that new barista. It's all about his Major Histocompatibility Complex, or MHC.

Sure, it's not exactly the stuff of Keats, but this tiny yet crucial portion of DNA contributes mightily to our immune system and influences tissue rejection. So if you have a child with someone whose MHC is too similar to yours, there's a greater chance of miscarrying the foetus.

That's why, experts say, we've developed the ability to pick out a suitably MHC-divergent bloke with just a whiff of his sweaty armpit. Ah, love's young dream. There's a caveat, though: this doesn't work if you're on the pill. In the famous "sweaty T-shirt" experiment of 1995, Dr Claus Wedekind from Bern University in Switzerland asked a group of men to wear a cotton T-shirt for two nights, then gave a group of women six of these T-shirts to smell.

Women not on the pill were more aroused by the smell of the T-shirts worn by men whose MHC profile differed from their own – those who they'd presumably make healthier babies with. Women on the pill, however, had the opposite response, preferring the scent of men with a more similar genetic structure. It's theorised this is because the pill mimics pregnancy and pregnant women prefer the smells of those with similar MHC (who are more likely to be family who would care for her at a vulnerable time). In this way, says Dr Rachel Herz, an expert in the psychology of smell and author of The Scent of Desire ($39.95, HarperCollins), women's innate ability to choose a genetically safer partner is thrown out of kilter.

"It's like picking your cousin as a marriage partner," she says. "It constitutes a biological error."

It also might explain why, after marriage and motherhood, some feel differently about their partner: Dr Herz says marriage counsellors tell her the top gripe among women no longer sexually interested in their husband is that they can't stand how he smells.

Lessons from the lab

Follow your nose. That intuitive sense of a partner being right for you could well be due to his scent, says Dr Hertz. She even goes as far as recommending you go off the pill if you're single and looking for a mate.

Cher was right: it is in his kiss. MHC, that is, which is also found in saliva. Psychologist Dr Martie Haselton likens kissing to a taste-test process in the search for an ideal mate. Coupled up? Kiss your partner as much as possible (slowly, with tongues). It'll remind you of why you were drawn to each other in the first place.

The theory: it's evolutionaryOf course, it's not news that there are evolutionary drivers behind attraction. We're still at the mercy of our inner caveperson, apparently, by being subconsciously attracted to facial symmetry. Why? Turns out it's another indicator of robust genes. A study of more than 400 men and women at the University of New Mexico, US, found those with the most symmetrical features had a history of better health.

Other old chestnuts include men being attracted to women with the right hip-to-waist ratio (slim waist, wider hips), which indicates fertility. Women, on the other hand, go for men who show signs of being a good provider: in prehistoric days that meant hunting ability; these days it's more about money – so a "good" job and more than two pairs of shoes are more likely to pique our interest.

Dr David Buss, a psychologist at the University of Texas, US, conducted the largest cross-cultural study on partner preferences, surveying 10,047 people from 37 different cultures. His results showed that women valued a man's financial prospects twice as highly as men valued the same qualities in women. But before we're reduced to status-hungry stereotypes, most experts agree that looks and earning power are only small parts of the puzzle.

"Attraction's much more complicated," says evolutionary and social psychologist Dr Viren Swami, co-author of The Psychology of Physical Attraction ($41.95, Taylor & Francis Group). "You have to take into account the individuals in that attraction process, their relationship history, what they're looking for in a partner, their self-esteem." What we find attractive is also influenced by cultural context, he adds. He cites the example of South Africa where thinness is associated with HIV and as a result, local men currently find overweight women more appealing.

Lessons from the lab Sex leads to attachment, according to biological anthropologist Dr Helen Fisher. Having regular sex with someone drives up your levels of testosterone and dopamine. "This is why you fall in love," she says. "There's a deep attachment with orgasm."

Don't ignore people you're weirdly attracted to, even if they're not your "type". Whether it's someone you meet at a party, or whose profile you're checking on an online dating site, if they jump out it's worth following up.

The theory: it's chemistryDr Fisher has spent decades researching attraction. In her latest book Why Him, Why Her? Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type ($39.95, Henry Holt & Company) she comes to the conclusion that a large part of attraction is due to our individual mix of four chemicals: sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen, and brain chemicals dopamine and serotonin. Whichever one is dominant puts us into four broad personality types: Explorer (ruled by dopamine), Builder (serotonin), Director (testosterone) or Negotiator (oestrogen).

After studying the 40,000 results of an online questionnaire she created for internet dating site chemistry.com, Dr Fisher concluded that Builders fall for Builders and Explorers for Explorers, while high-testosterone Directors are attracted to oestrogen-charged Negotiators and vice versa. (Find out your type at helenfisher.com.)

And what of the fabled "honeymoon period"? Most new relationships go through an infatuation phase, during which feelings of love and lust are at their most intense. This usually lasts about 18 months, according to relationship counsellor Allan Pease. When it ends many relationships begin to falter, as couples mistake the change to a less-intense period of affection as a sign that the relationship is dying.

Dr Fisher says rather than ending, this change is actually a sign that a relationship is moving to a stronger, more sustainable phase. "We have evolved three very different brain systems for mating and reproduction: sex drive, romantic love and affiliated deep attachment," she says. "The calming of passion in a relationship is actually a survival trait. When you're courting, you do things that are very taxing to your mind and body: you talk until dawn, you forget to go to work, you forget to call your friends, you forget to feed the dog… If you were to live the next 20 years in that state, you'd die of exhaustion."

Lessons from the lab

Scare yourself. Anthropologist Dr David Givens, author of Love Signals ($23.95, St Martins Press), says the "chemistry" felt between two people comes from a surge of activity in the pleasure centre of the brain. "It's the same feeling we get when we eat chocolate or jump on a rollercoaster; it's all about the rush of adrenaline," he says. Increased adrenaline levels have been shown to draw people together, so doing something physically thrilling together – such as a scary ride or bungee jumping – is a great way to connect, whether you're on your second date or your 10th wedding anniversary.

Touch is another secret to relationship longevity, says Dr Givens. Touching, hugging and hand-holding are much more powerful than words in conveying loving feelings, and have the added benefit of increasing pleasure-producing endorphins. His prescription?

Twice-daily hugs. At least. A single reason behind the mystery of attraction will probably never be cracked – not by scientists, poets or bottom-waving baboons. There are multiple good genetic fits for each of us, but socioeconomics plays a vital role, as do visual clues and nice shoes and height and symmetry of face and sense of humour and what chair you sit in at your local café. Grab that free one right now and you could be sitting next to Him or Her. You just never know.