Not kidding: Worst hemorrhoids ever in the Bible!

February 4, 2009

Not kidding: Worst hemorrhoids ever in the Bible!You've been itching to find out, now see it for yourself ...

The Ark of the Covenant (as depicted here in "Raiders of the Lost Ark") is associated with one of the strangest stories in all of the Bible

When it comes to the Bible's contents, there are more than 31,000 verses and an estimated 700,000 words. That's a lot.Some are majestic and inspiring, filling people with peace and joy.Others are serious and ominous, warning of danger.And then there are those that can make you burst out in laughter, as you might not expect them to be found on the pages of the Good Book.One of those words is "hemorrhoids." Yes, hemorrhoids.Long before Preparation-H was ever invented, the Bible talks quite a bit about hemorrhoids in one of the funniest, most bizarre and underreported events in all of Scripture.The story surrounds the Ark of the Covenant, the box that carried the Ten Commandments inside. If you're a movie fan, you might remember Harrison Ford portraying "Indiana Jones" as he hunted this real-life box in the 1981 blockbuster film, "Raiders of the Lost

Ark."Though the fictional movie never mentioned this part of the story, the Bible indicates the Ark at one point fell into the hands of the Philistines, the enemies of the ancient Israelites.

"God was not thrilled his holy box with the Ten Commandments was in the hands of a bunch of pagan worshippers," says Joe Kovacs, author of "Shocked by the Bible: The Most Astonishing Facts You've Never Been Told,so he decided to put some heat on the Philistines, literally."As strange as it sounds, God whacked the Philistines with a seven-month-long, flaring pack of hemorrhoids. In fact, these folks were in so much agony, Scripture goes out of its way to declare 'the cry of the city went up to heaven.' (1 Samuel 5:12) Yes, hemorrhoids were heard in heaven."Many Bible readers may never have realized hemorrhoids are discussed in the Good Book, because the King James Version does not have the letter "h" in front of the word it uses for the malady, which it calls "emerods." Emerods is nothing more than the 1611 word for hemorrhoids. In

fact, other translations of the Bible, including the John Nelson Darby Bible of 1890, come right out and use today's term "hemorrhoids" in every instance.

One example says: " ... he smote the men of the city, both small and great, and hemorrhoids broke out upon them." (1 Samuel 5:9, Darby)"And just when you think the Bible account of the guys with the sore tushies can't get any more sordid, it does," explains Kovacs. "The Philistines figured the only

way to get rid of that nasty problem in their pants was not only to give the Ark of the Covenant back to the Israelites, but also to make some golden images to soothe God's anger. And what did these clowns decide to make statues of gold resemble? Believe it or not, their very own hemorrhoids! These geniuses may

have been the forerunners of some of today's so-called 'artists.' Read it in your own Bible, and highlight it if you ever get the itch to find it again!""If people really knew what was actually in their Bible, including hilarious information like this," says Kovacs, "they'd rush to it with renewed interest to find out what they're missing."

Don't wait another second to find out more about the hemorrhoids in the Bible and the rest of God's amazing truth. Get "Shocked by the Bible: The Most Astonishing Facts You've Never Been Told" personally autographed by the author.. If you prefer ordering by phone, call WND's customer service line toll-free at 1-800-4WND-COM (1-800-496-3266) between 9 a.m. and 6 p.m. Eastern, Monday through Friday.

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In "Shocked by the Bible," Kovacs also explains that if people just read for themselves without any preconceived notions, they'd quickly discover:

"Three Wise Men" are never mentioned in the story of Jesus' birth, and no wise men at all are shown present at the manger scene the night Jesus was born. (They showed up later at a house when Jesus was a young child)

The Bible doesn't outright declare the day, month, year or even season Jesus was born

There's no mention of a Christmas tree or any tree in the gospels recording Jesus' birth. However, there is a custom mentioned in the Old Testament that shows people decorating trees with silver and gold. You might be astounded to find out what God says about such a practice

The Bible never says Jesus died on a Friday or rose from the grave Sunday morning

Scripture does not say Noah's Ark rested on "Mount Ararat"

Noah brought a lot more than just two of certain animals aboard the Ark

The word "Easter" has vanished from modern Bible translations

God sought to kill Moses, shortly after telling him to lead the Israelites to freedom

Jesus did not come to make everyone understand His message, and personally said so

Jesus made personal appearances in the Old Testament

Jesus declared no one has gone to heaven except Himself

And these are merely the beginning of hundreds of facts that will stun even those who thought they had a strong knowledge of the Bible.

"If you've never been into the Bible, or even if you have, there's no need to fear," says Kovacs. "I make it quick, easy and fun for you to find out the juiciest, most interesting stuff that never seems to get mentioned in church. And I'm not talking about trivial facts and difficult names no one can pronounce."

"Shocked by the Bible" has become an instant smash since its release, twice hitting No. 1 in three Bible-related categories on Amazon.com with readers giving it high praise, and the author being interviewed on dozens of radio shows.

"Shocked by the Bible" skyrocketed to the No.1 spot in three Amazon.com categories several times since its release

It reached the No. 1 spot on the WND Best-Seller list several times. International demand has even led to a deal to have "Shocked" translated into the Korean language.

"If you think you really know the Bible, better think again," warns Fox News' Bill O'Reilly. "Your parents never told you this stuff was in the Bible," adds radio talker and author Melanie Morgan. WND founder Joseph Farah simply says, "'Shocked by the Bible' is nothing short of genius."

Kovacs, the executive news editor of WND, has written countless reports in his 25-year news career. Many have focused on biblical issues such as chariot wheels said to be found in the Red Sea, searches for Noah's Ark and the Ark of the Covenant, and controversies over Christmas and Easter holidays as well as the Saturday-vs.-Sunday Sabbath.He has received many awards for news excellence from the Associated Press and United Press International. He's run television, radio and print newsrooms in the U.S., as well as Budapest, Hungary. Kovacs is also regarded as one of the premier creative headline writers in the news business today.

Find out what you've been missing. Get "Shocked by the Bible: The Most Astonishing Facts You've Never Been Told" personally autographed by the author. It makes a brilliant gift that will be remembered for a lifetime.

"You are a member of government. And one of that majority which has doomed my country to destruction. You've begun to burn our towns and murder our people. Look upon you hands. They are stained with the blood of your relations. You and I were long friends.You are now my enemy and I am yours."..........................Benjamin Franklin 7-5-1775