Guest guest Posted December 17, 2008 Report Share Posted December 17, 2008 My mother in law passed away unexpectedly last Thursday and it's unbelivable still. Now that all of the activities are done, my kids are really suffering her loss. The holiday is only making it worse not to mention, her birthday would have been the 29th of December. That I can help with, we'll celebrate it by releasing balloons and writing on them. How do we get through Christmas? Do we even celebrate? My husband was with her when she suffered the heart-attack and saw the entire thing. He's a wreck still and dealing with a great deal of guilt. Now, he's helping his dad settle his finances and it's not looking good. In 25 years, I've never seen this man cry and he hasn't stopped. He's so depressed and leaning on me which is hard. I have 3 kids, one going through college exams who also is depressed. Any advice would be welcome! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2008 Report Share Posted December 17, 2008 I would recommend going ahead with a simplified Christmas. The kids especially are going to need some normalcy. Skipping a major holiday would only disrupt everyone more, IMO. Allow your DH to lean on you (I know it's hard, but it's temporary). Be there for your kids to talk if they need to. Grieve as a family if you can. The balloon idea is a good one. Let other positive people around you help with cooking, sitting in your home, or doing Whatever you need them to do. Most of all, do the grieving that you need to do~ and allow each person in the family to grieve in whatever ways they need to. Everyone responds to death differently and that's ok. Your family will change through this, but if you all just let it happen, it will be good. (((hugs))) Jan G. Mom to 9, breastfeeding advocate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2008 Report Share Posted December 17, 2008 Dear Sue, Your post certainly inspired a ton of response. There were over two dozen emails responding to your post below all of them loaded full of Love, Advice, and caring concern. We certainly do have a marvelous group here. There were just too many to let them all go through, but the general concept behind them all was one of LOVE and CARE. The most common advice running through these posts was to keep yourselves busy, and to celebrate the holidays. The whole family should go out of their way to make the Holiday a celebration for your Mother-in-Law. Make the Holidays a " Life Celebration " for her. By all means, have a family meeting and sit around to discuss any issues each family member may have. Keep it positive. After all, she's not really gone, she's only moved on. Yours in Knowledge, Health, Freedom, and Love, Doc herbal remedies , " Sue " <ske003_03 wrote: > > My mother in law passed away unexpectedly last Thursday and it's > unbelivable still. Now that all of the activities are done, my kids > are really suffering her loss. The holiday is only making it worse not > to mention, her birthday would have been the 29th of December. That I > can help with, we'll celebrate it by releasing balloons and writing on > them. How do we get through Christmas? Do we even celebrate? My > husband was with her when she suffered the heart-attack and saw the > entire thing. He's a wreck still and dealing with a great deal of > guilt. Now, he's helping his dad settle his finances and it's not > looking good. In 25 years, I've never seen this man cry and he hasn't > stopped. He's so depressed and leaning on me which is hard. I have 3 > kids, one going through college exams who also is depressed. Any > advice would be welcome! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2008 Report Share Posted December 17, 2008 Doc, you are the best, and how true this advice is for Sue, going through this at this time myself a few years back, i can only second your advice. As for Sue, i am sorry for you loss, but please make this a happy holiday season for you and your family, have a happy memory discussion and share a few tears, it will lift your hearts and calm your sorrows. happy holiday season to all Werner--- On Wed, 12/17/08, Ian Shillington ND <docshillington wrote: Ian Shillington ND <docshillington{Herbal Remedies} Re: Deathherbal remedies Date: Wednesday, December 17, 2008, 2:49 PM Dear Sue,Your post certainly inspired a ton of response. There were over twodozen emails responding to your post below all of them loaded full ofLove, Advice, and caring concern. We certainly do have a marvelousgroup here. There were just too many to let them all go through, but the generalconcept behind them all was one of LOVE and CARE. The most common advice running through these posts was to keepyourselves busy, and to celebrate the holidays. The whole familyshould go out of their way to make the Holiday a celebration for yourMother-in-Law. Make the Holidays a "Life Celebration" for her.By all means, have a family meeting and sit around to discuss anyissues each family member may have. Keep it positive.After all, she's not really gone, she's only moved on.Yours in Knowledge, Health, Freedom, and Love,Docherbal remedies, "Sue" <ske003_03@. ..> wrote:>> My mother in law passed away unexpectedly last Thursday and it's > unbelivable still. Now that all of the activities are done, my kids > are really suffering her loss. The holiday is only making it worse not > to mention, her birthday would have been the 29th of December. That I > can help with, we'll celebrate it by releasing balloons and writing on > them. How do we get through Christmas? Do we even celebrate? My > husband was with her when she suffered the heart-attack and saw the > entire thing. He's a wreck still and dealing with a great deal of > guilt. Now, he's helping his dad settle his finances and it's not > looking good. In 25 years, I've never seen this man cry and he hasn't > stopped. He's so depressed and leaning on me which is hard. I have 3 > kids, one going through college exams who also is depressed. Any > advice would be welcome!> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2008 Report Share Posted December 17, 2008 This is sad news. The balloons was a great idea. Advice for depression is 'be productive'. Be as productive as you can. The more busy you all are, the better. Clean the house better than you ever have before. Go on LONG walks together. Work harder at your jobs than you ever have. You'll feel much better. Lastly go on a road trip and stop to visit family for the holidays. Take the whole family to some beautiful places and get lots of space. See mountains, beaches, tall trees and wide open spaces. In my opinion nothing helps more than a road trip. Drop everything and just get out of there for a spell. Stay busy doing things and heal your loss. Best to you and your family esp. to your husband who I can really relate to. I too am one of those men who can not cry unless something of this nature happens and then it is the deepest lamentation the world has ever heard tell of. ~Bryan On Wed, 2008-12-17 at 12:32 +0000, Sue wrote: > My mother in law passed away unexpectedly last Thursday and it's > unbelivable still. Now that all of the activities are done, my kids > are really suffering her loss. The holiday is only making it worse > not > to mention, her birthday would have been the 29th of December. That I > can help with, we'll celebrate it by releasing balloons and writing > on > them. How do we get through Christmas? Do we even celebrate? My > husband was with her when she suffered the heart-attack and saw the > entire thing. He's a wreck still and dealing with a great deal of > guilt. Now, he's helping his dad settle his finances and it's not > looking good. In 25 years, I've never seen this man cry and he hasn't > stopped. He's so depressed and leaning on me which is hard. I have 3 > kids, one going through college exams who also is depressed. Any > advice would be welcome! > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 18, 2008 Report Share Posted December 18, 2008 thank you very much--- On Wed, 12/17/08, Ian Shillington ND <docshillington wrote: Ian Shillington ND <docshillington{Herbal Remedies} Re: Deathherbal remedies Date: Wednesday, December 17, 2008, 2:49 PM Dear Sue,Your post certainly inspired a ton of response. There were over twodozen emails responding to your post below all of them loaded full ofLove, Advice, and caring concern. We certainly do have a marvelousgroup here. There were just too many to let them all go through, but the generalconcept behind them all was one of LOVE and CARE. The most common advice running through these posts was to keepyourselves busy, and to celebrate the holidays. The whole familyshould go out of their way to make the Holiday a celebration for yourMother-in-Law. Make the Holidays a "Life Celebration" for her.By all means, have a family meeting and sit around to discuss anyissues each family member may have. Keep it positive.After all, she's not really gone, she's only moved on.Yours in Knowledge, Health, Freedom, and Love,Docherbal remedies, "Sue" <ske003_03@. ..> wrote:>> My mother in law passed away unexpectedly last Thursday and it's > unbelivable still. Now that all of the activities are done, my kids > are really suffering her loss. The holiday is only making it worse not > to mention, her birthday would have been the 29th of December. That I > can help with, we'll celebrate it by releasing balloons and writing on > them. How do we get through Christmas? Do we even celebrate? My > husband was with her when she suffered the heart-attack and saw the > entire thing. He's a wreck still and dealing with a great deal of > guilt. Now, he's helping his dad settle his finances and it's not > looking good. In 25 years, I've never seen this man cry and he hasn't > stopped. He's so depressed and leaning on me which is hard. I have 3 > kids, one going through college exams who also is depressed. Any > advice would be welcome!> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 18, 2008 Report Share Posted December 18, 2008 You're most welcome hon. Our thoughts are with you. Much love, Doc sue errico wrote: thank you very much --- On Wed, 12/17/08, Ian Shillington ND <docshillington (AT) cabletvonline (DOT) net> wrote: Ian Shillington ND <docshillington (AT) cabletvonline (DOT) net> {Herbal Remedies} Re: Death herbal remedies Wednesday, December 17, 2008, 2:49 PM Dear Sue, Your post certainly inspired a ton of response. There were over two dozen emails responding to your post below all of them loaded full of Love, Advice, and caring concern. We certainly do have a marvelous group here. There were just too many to let them all go through, but the general concept behind them all was one of LOVE and CARE. The most common advice running through these posts was to keep yourselves busy, and to celebrate the holidays. The whole family should go out of their way to make the Holiday a celebration for your Mother-in-Law. Make the Holidays a "Life Celebration" for her. By all means, have a family meeting and sit around to discuss any issues each family member may have. Keep it positive. After all, she's not really gone, she's only moved on. Yours in Knowledge, Health, Freedom, and Love, Doc herbal remedies, "Sue" <ske003_03@. ..> wrote: > > My mother in law passed away unexpectedly last Thursday and it's > unbelivable still. Now that all of the activities are done, my kids > are really suffering her loss. The holiday is only making it worse not > to mention, her birthday would have been the 29th of December. That I > can help with, we'll celebrate it by releasing balloons and writing on > them. How do we get through Christmas? Do we even celebrate? My > husband was with her when she suffered the heart-attack and saw the > entire thing. He's a wreck still and dealing with a great deal of > guilt. Now, he's helping his dad settle his finances and it's not > looking good. In 25 years, I've never seen this man cry and he hasn't > stopped. He's so depressed and leaning on me which is hard. I have 3 > kids, one going through college exams who also is depressed. Any > advice would be welcome! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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