Your Daily Smile - MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN

[Guest guest]

BREAKING

NEWS - MESSAGE FROM HM THE QUEEN!

 

 

To the

citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty

Queen Elizabeth II

 

 

In light

of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for

President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give

notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You

should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)Her

Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties

over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which

she does not fancy). Your new

Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America

without the need for further elections. Congress

and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated

next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

 

To aid in

the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are

introduced with immediate effect:

 

1. The

letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,'

'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut'

without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be

replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to

raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

 

2. Using

the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like'

and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of

communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English.

We will let Microsoft

know on your behalf. The Microsoft

spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated

letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

 

3. July

4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

 

4. You

will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or

therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists

shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only

be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without

suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then

you're not ready to shoot grouse.

 

5. Therefore,

you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous

than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you

wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

 

6. All

intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start

driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you

will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of

conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you

understand the British sense of humour.

 

7. The

former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling

gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

 

8. You

will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are

not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are

properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat,

and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

 

9. The

cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer

at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as

beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be

referred to as Lager. Australian beer is also acceptable, as they are

pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only

be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth -

see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as

Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of

further confusion.

 

10. Hollywood will

be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys.

Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English

characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four

Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears

removed with a cheese grater.

 

11. You

will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper

football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time,

be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American

football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds

or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

 

12. Further,

you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event

called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of

America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond

your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket,

and we will let you face the Australians first to take the sting out of

their deliveries.

 

13. You

must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

 

14. An

internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's

Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all

monies due (backdated to 1776).

 

15. Daily

Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and

never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus

strawberries (with cream) when in season.

 

God

Save the Queen!

 

PS: Only share

this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get news, entertainment and everything you care about at Live.com. Check it out!

 

Stay organized with simple drag and drop from Windows Live Hotmail. Try it

[Guest guest]

That was just too funny, I've passed it to my address's. I even put

it on my MySpace, thanks

 

herbal remedies , Doc <DocShillington

wrote:

>

>

> BREAKING NEWS - MESSAGE FROM HM THE QUEEN!

>

>

>

> To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign

> Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

>

>

> In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent

> candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves,

we

> hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence,

effective

> immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford

English

> Dictionary.)Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume

> monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories

> (except Kansas , which she does not fancy). Your new Prime

Minister,

> Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need

for

> further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A

> questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any

of

> you noticed.

>

> To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the

following

> rules are introduced with immediate effect:

>

> 1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,'

> 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to

spell

> 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-

ize'

> will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be

expected

> to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look

up 'vocabulary').

>

> 2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler

noises

> such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient

form

> of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will

let

> Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be

> adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the

> elimination of '-ize.'

>

> 3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

>

> 4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,

> lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and

> therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent.

Guns

> should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things

out

> without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not

ready

> to shoot grouse.

>

> 5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry

anything

> more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be

> required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

>

> 6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you

will

> start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same

time,

> you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of

> conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you

> understand the British sense of humour.

>

> 7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have

been

> calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

>

> 8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call

> French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on

calling

> potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut,

> fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

>

> 9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not

> actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will

be

> referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted

provenance

> will be referred to as Lager. Australian beer is also acceptable,

as

> they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and

it

> can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British

> Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be

> referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold

> without risk of further confusion.

>

> 10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors

as

> good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors

to

> play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English

> dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to

having

> one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

>

> 11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one

kind of

> proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough

will, in

> time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to

American

> football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty

seconds

> or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

>

> 12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not

reasonable to

> host an event called the World Series for a game which is not

played

> outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a

world

> beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn

> cricket, and we will let you face the Australians first to take the

> sting out of their deliveries.

>

> 13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

>

> 14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her

Majesty's

> Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of

all

> monies due (backdated to 1776).

>

> 15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with

> saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and

> cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

>

> God Save the Queen!

>

> PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour

(NOT

> humor)!

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

--

----

> Get news, entertainment and everything you care about at Live.com.

Check

> it out! <http://www.live.com/getstarted.aspx>

> --

----

> Stay organized with simple drag and drop from Windows Live Hotmail.

Try

> it

> <http://windowslive.com/Explore/hotmail?

ocid=TXT_TAGLM_WL_hotmail_102008>

>