Dawn // My Baby Brother Died on Wednesday................

[Guest guest]

Watching anyone die so slowly is very traumatic, and with someone close and

sick with ca is the worst possible experience - decisions made by the dying

would be so soon forgotten by them but the residue remaining here still

hurts - if your husband could have gone to the funeral anyway it would have

been the best thing - for him to have forgiven would have helped your

brother more than anything else - however I am assuming that the rest of the

family may have objected which would have made things even more difficult -

the body of a patient suffering cancer is pretty toxic and the thoughts and

emotions often tend to follow this direction - once the body is left behind

the toxicity often leaves instantly and any hurt remaining behind is deeply

regretted by the departed one, however not all those who are left behind

with that residue of ill feeling can let it all go so easily.

 

When his family made it impossible for me to attend my own husband's funeral

I sat quietly in a chapel alone and sent him loving thoughts for his

journey - if you can approach your husband and reach him through his anger

and distress might you be able to do this? If not use your imagination and

visualise your brother happy, released from all his pain and distress - and

in the brightest light you can see, happily with you, your husband and the

rest of the family and this will go a long way to heal your fear and your

trauma and that of all those around you and I am sure many here on this list

will help you by doing the same for you all - let us know when his funeral

is and we will all join you with this - with love

 

 

Death is nothing at all.

 

I have only slipped away into the next room.

 

I am I and you are you,

 

whatever we were to each other, that we still are.

 

Call me by my old familiar name,

 

Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.

 

Put no difference in your tone,

 

wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow,

 

laugh as we always laughed

 

at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

 

Pray smile, think of me, pray for me.

 

Let my name be ever the household word

 

that it always was.

 

Let it be spoken without effort,

 

without the trace of a shadow in it.

 

Life means all that it ever meant,

 

it is the same as it ever was.

 

There is unbroken continuity,

 

why should I be out of mind

 

because I am out of sight?

 

I am waiting for you

 

somewhere very near

 

just around the corner.

 

 

All is well.

 

-

" dawnaltoft " <dawn_altoft

 

Sunday, September 28, 2008 4:58 AM

My Baby Brother Died on

Wednesday................

 

 

Hi to all of you all over the world who followed my sporadic postings

about my brother Nigel, who died of Cancer this week.

Nigel was diagnosed in March of this year, around Mothers day, with

Oesophagul Cancer. He lost his battle on Wednesday the 24th of

September this year at approx 6.20 in the evening.

Watching my brother die over the last 9 months, in particular the last

three days, was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do and I

never thought that I would hurt any worse than that. On Thursday I

struggled to get out of bed and then was told I needed to be with the

family, I am very private and grieve as such, they don't understand

that. I was told that evening that my brother had requested that my

husband was not to be at the funeral regarding a very old disagreement.

I was obviously very upset and angry but after reading Asian ladys

postings I found peace and although difficult felt I could deal with it.

My husband now feels I have a choice to make and need to choose, we

also have my god daughters wedding the day after the funeral which he

is now refusing to attend. I cant believe I have lost my brother and

my husband is being that way. Has anyone any words of wisdom, is this

an orchestrated situation? A last laugh? What is life about if there

is no forgiveness and always choices good and bad??? x

 

 

---

 

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