OT Southern Girls

[Guest guest]

Southern Girls!!!!!

 

Someone once noted that a Southerner can get away with the most

awful kind of insult just as long as it's prefaced with the words,

" Bless her heart " or " Bless his heart. " As in, " Bless his heart,

if they put his brain on the head of a pin, it'd roll around like

a BB on a six lane highway. "

 

Or, " Bless her heart, she's so buck-toothed, she could eat an

apple through a picket fence. " There are also the sneakier ones:

 

" You know, it's amazing that even though she had that baby 7

months after they were married, bless her heart, it weighed 10

pounds. "

 

As long as the heart is sufficiently blessed, the

insult can't be all that bad. I was thinking about

this the other day when a friend was telling about her

new Transplanted Northern friend who was upset because

her toddler is just beginning to talk and he has a

Southern accent. My friend, who is very kind and,

bless her heart, cannot do a thing about those thighs

of hers, was justifiably miffed about this. After all,

this woman had CHOSEN to move to the South a couple of

years ago. Can you believe it? " said her friend.. " A

child of mine is going to be " taaaallllkkin liiiike

thiiiissss.. "

 

Now, don't get me wrong. Some of my dearest friends

are from the North, bless their hearts. I welcome

their perspective, their friendships and their recipes

for authentic Northern Italian food. I've even gotten

past their endless complaints that you can't find good

bread down here. And the heathens, bless their hearts,

don't like cornbread!

 

We've already lost too much. I was raised to say

" swanee, " not swear, but you hardly ever hear anyone

say that anymore, I swanee you don't.

 

And I've caught myself thinking twice before saying

something is " right much, " " right close, " or " right

good " because non-natives think this is right funny

indeed. I have a friend from Bawston who thinks it's

hilarious when I say I've got to " carry " my daughter to

the doctor or " cut off " the light. She also gets a

giggle every time I am " fixin' " to do something.

 

And, bless their hearts, they don't even know where

" over yonder " is or what " I reckon " means!

 

My personal favorite was my aunt, saying, " Bless her

heart, she can't help being ugly, but she could've

stayed home. "

 

Southern girls know bad manners when they see them:

1. Drinking straight out of a can.

2. Not sending thank you notes.

3. Velvet after February.

4. White shoes before Easter or after Labor Day.

 

Southern girls always say:

1. " Yes, ma'am. "

2. " Yes, sir. "

 

Southern girls have a distinct way with fond

expressions:

1. " Y'all come back! now ya heaah, "

2. " Well, bless your heart. "

3. " Drop by when you can. "

4. " How's your mother? "

5. " Love your hair. "

 

Southern girls know their three R's!:

1. Rich

2. Richer

3. Richest

 

Southern girls know everybody's first name:

1. Honey

2. Darlin'

3. Sugah

 

Southern girls know the movies that speak to their

hearts:

1. " Gone With the Wind "

2. " Fried Green Tomatoes "

3. " Driving Miss Daisy "

4. " Steel Magnolias "

 

Southern girls know their cities dripping with Southern

charm:

1. Hotlanta or Adlanna =( Atlanta as outsiders say)

2. Richmon

3. Challston

4. S'vannah

5. Birminham

6. Nawlins'

7. OH! And that city in Alabama ? It's pronounced

MUNTGUMRY!

 

Southern girls know the three deadly sins:

1. Bad hair

2. Bad manners

3. Bad blind dates

 

G.R.I.T.S. = Girls Raised in The South!

 

Now you run along, Sugah, and send this to someone else

Raised In The South, i.e., Southern Belles, or ANY

females aspiring to be GRITS. Even the northern ones,

" Bless Their Hearts " .

 

That Reminds me. I have a rubber stamp that says " Just

because your children were born in the South does not

make them Southerners. After all, if a cat had kittens

in the oven, that wouldn't make them biscuits. "

 

Bless Yer Hearts