Guest guest Posted May 15, 2004 Report Share Posted May 15, 2004 Thank you to all my steady donators. I know it's been awhile but I'll try and post a few of these more often. Life without laughter is a life not worth living. First I thought I'd share with you a quote by Clarence Darrow; " The first half of our lives are ruined by our parents, the second half by our children " Now on to the chuckles > LIFE Is all about ass, > > Your're either covering it, > laughing it off, > kicking it, > kissing it, > busting it, > or trying to get a piece of it. *************************************************** > > > THE LOST CHAPTER OF GENESIS: > > > Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. > > So, God asked him, " What's wrong with you? " > > Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. > > God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a > woman. > > He said, " This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, > and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. > > She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag > you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a > disagreement. She will praise you! > > She will bear your children. > > and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. > > > " She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion > whenever you need it. " > > Adam asked God, " What will a woman like this cost? " > > God replied, " An arm and a leg. " > > Then Adam asked, " What can I get for a rib? " > > > Of course the rest is history...................... > ********************************************************************* > > A man tells his friend, “I went to my doctor to see if he could help me give > up smoking†> “What did he say?†> “He suggested that every time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a bar > of chocolate.†> “Did that do any good?†> “No – I can’t get the chocolate to light.†************************************** > > > > At a court date the judge asked, “What makes you think the prisoner was > drunk?†> “Well, your honor,†replied the arresting officer, “I saw him lift up the > manhole cover and walk away with it, and when I asked him what it was for he > said, “I want to listen to it on my record player.†*************************************************************** > > And for those who are tired of male bashing feminist jokes, please do enjoy > the following: > ********************************************************* How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.  - Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?  Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.   --    Why do women have smaller feet than men?  It's one of those " evolutionary things " that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.  - How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with " A man once told me... " - How do you fix a woman's watch?  You don't. There is a clock on the oven. -   Why do men break wind more than women?   Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.    -   If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?  The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.  -  What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told.   -    I married Miss Right.  I just didn't know her first name was Always. - Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.  It's called a Wedding Cake.   -    Why do men die before their wives?   They want to.  -   Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street   with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.   - In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.   Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.  - ************************************* Cheers! Kathleen Petrides The Woobey Queen http://www.fatcatcandleco.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.