Boniva, Halloween Stink Award: Beware

[Guest guest]

 

 

 

October 31, 2008

Scary, Halloween Stink Award

Caution: People will be scared and offended. Only read if you have a strong

stomach and want to learn how to have strong bones at any age.

 

Flying Nun on Crash and Burn Course With Boniva

 

Pharmaceutical companies were freed from restrictions on marketing directly to

consumers in the latter part of the nineties. Since then, an endless procession

of C-list celebrities has come forward to give pharmaceutical fellatio.

 

Starting around 1998 with Joan Lunden pitching Schering-Plough Claritin, it went

on to figure skater Dorothy Hamill's freestyle promotion of Merck's deadly

Vioxx, then to Folksinger Shawn Colvin singing the praises of GlaxoSmithKline's

antidepression medication Wellbutrin. Then Bob Dole assured us that " the surge

was working " in his commercials for Pfizer's Viagra.

 

And today, Big Pharma is getting action from some unexpected actors like a

lovable little 62 year old actress who over the years has gained the public's

trust and affection with Smokey and the Bandit, the sitcom series Gidget, and

best-known in her television role, as Sister Bertrille in The Flying Nun.

Unfortunately, she's betrayed that trust by signing on to perform pharmaceutical

fellatio in her promotion of Boniva - the bone shattering drug disguised as an

osteoporosis med, marketed by Roche and Glaxo.

 

Boniva is technically known as a " bisphosphonate. " You don't need to worry about

pronouncing it. But you do need to know that these toxins were originally used

to clean up calcium deposits in boiler pipes, and an " accidental " discovery led

to their clinical use. I don't make this shit up.

 

Witnessing that the cleaning agent was a " calcium magnet, " some dumb ass -

probably a drug-sales rep - figured that it might be good for getting calcium

into bone, thereby making them stronger. So they started feeding it to people -

after a rubber stamp FDA drug approval, of course.

 

The medical community has since discovered that Boniva severely inhibits the

body's ability to discard old bone. Caution: Doctor thinking...

 

Physicians interpret this action as leading to stronger bones. " Heck, if the

skeleton isn't discarding old bone, then this here drug must help strengthen the

bone. " Their thought process was flawed from the start. This is akin to trying

to keep a person's stomach full by putting a cork in their ass.

 

Once Boniva is melded into the skeletal system, it does in fact interfere with

the shedding of old dead bone. Rather than " die off, " old, weak bones cells

stick around. This prevents the growth of new bone cells, thereby preventing the

grwoth of newer, stronger bone cells. Over time, this causes the rest of the

skeletal system to become weak. Duh!

 

The net result of taking Boniva is that you become a sack of old bones, held up

by a crusty skeleton - the exact opposite of what Sally's anti-osteoporosis

commercial implies.

 

Even The New York Times took notice. In their article titled, Drugs to Build

Bones May Weaken Them, they state that Boniva users, " show a rare type of leg

fracture that shears straight across the upper thighbone after little or no

trauma. Fractures in this sturdy part of the bone typically result from car

accidents, or in the elderly and frail. But the case reports show the unusual

fracture pattern in people who have used bone-building drugs called

bisphosphonates for five years or more. "

 

As they say on the late night infomercials; " But wait, that’s not all! " Boniva

has actually given rise to a new disorder – never before seen on planet Earth.

The Times tells us that Boniva can cause jawbones to rot and die! Physicians are

calling this Dead Jaw. This is actually perfect.

 

In light of the dead Jaw findings, Boniva can now be used for the off-label use

of eradicating pharmaceutical fellatio and drug reps.

 

As an added bonus, side effects of Boniva may include - severe and occasionally

incapacitating bone, joint and/or muscle pain, eye redness and/or tenderness,

heavy jaw feeling, loosening of a tooth, pain, swelling, or numbness in the

mouth or jaw, sensitivity to light, severe eye pain, tearing, bladder pain,

chest pain, bloody or cloudy urine...the list goes on. I’m just tired of

typing...

 

So what's the alternative to anti-osteoporosis drugs?

 

First, say no to drugs. Then start taking cod liver oil to boost Vitamin D

levels and calcium absorption. If you're carrying excess weight, give your

skeletal system a break. Lose some fat with The AM-PM fat Loss Discovery

Package.

 

The Flying Nun is losing airspeed and I predict she will stall and spin in –

going the way of that creepy Jarvik dude. Lawsuits against the maker of Boniva

are on the rise and negative user testimonials are appearing by the thousands on

the internet.

 

I hereby proudly give my Stinky Sulfur Award to Sally Field for " boning up " to

the challenge of squandering her public trust and bringing misinformation,

deception, and suffering to millions (in exchange for a fat check from

Roche/Glaxo).

 

Author Note

 

Ellison's entire career has been dedicated to the study of molecules; how they

give life and how they take from it. He was a two-time recipient of the

prestigious Howard Hughes Medical Institute Research Grant for his research in

biochemistry and physiology. He is a bestselling author, holds a master's degree

in organic chemistry and has first-hand experience in drug design. Use his

knowledge and insight to look and feel your best in 90 days with his AM-PM Fat

Loss Discovery:http://www.thepeopleschemist.com/obesity_cure.php

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