Jump to content
IndiaDivine.org

Not at/ Mildly amusing

Rate this topic


Guest guest

Recommended Posts

Rules for Cats to Live By

 

BATHROOMS:

Always accompany humans to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything.

Just sit and stare.

 

DOORS:

Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door open, stand on hind

legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use

it. After you have ordered an " outside " door opened, stand halfway in and out

and think about several

things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow,

or mosquito season.

 

CHAIRS AND RUGS:

If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in

time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When

throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it is as long as a humans

bare

foot.

 

HAMPERING:

If one of your humans is engaged in some activity and the other is idle, stay

with the busy one. This is called " helping, " otherwise known as " hampering. "

Following are the rules for " hampering: "

 

1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You

cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then

picked up and comforted.

 

2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and

book,unless you can lie across the book itself.

 

3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to

obscure as much of the work as possible or at least. Pretend to doze, but every

so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen.

 

4) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump

on the back of the paper. Humans love to jump.

 

5) When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard,

bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay in human's lap across arms,

hampering typing in progress.

 

WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front

of the human, especially on stairs, when they have something in their arms,

in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their

coordination skills.

 

BEDTIME:

Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.

 

LITTER BOX:

When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as

possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes.

 

HIDING:

Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do not

come out for three to four hours under any circumstances. This will cause the

humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost.

Once you do come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses and you

will probably get a treat.

 

ONE LAST THOUGHT: Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their

face, turn around, and present your butt to them. Humans love this, so do it

often. And don't forget guests

***************************************************************

 

Cheers!

Kathleen Petrides

The Bad Candle Goddess

Candles for a Buck... up at Ebay, more coming.

http://cgi6.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewSellersOtherItems &

userid=woobeyqueen & include=0 & since=-1 & sort=3 & rows=50

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...