OT: The Widows

[Guest guest]

At 01:09 AM 12/10/2003 -0800, you wrote:

> " That's fantastic, " says the shammas, " absolutely amazing, incredible!

>You should take him to Hollywood, get him on television, get him in the

>movies; you could make a million dollars off of him! "

>

> " Oy! " says the man, " You talk to him. He wants to be a doctor. "

 

<groan> Butch -- that's an old one! LOL

http://member.newsguy.com/~herblady

[Guest guest]

Yo Anya,

 

> Hey, Butch, the goyim that wrote this got some major Yiddish idiomatic

> saying incorrect, plus a Kosher boo-boo.

 

Most likely .. but for a dummy like me it was kinda cute. ;-p

 

> From the speaking style, obviously two ladies of a 'certain' age, 1st

> generation, therefore 98% chance they keep Kosher:

 

Mayhaps Morris Finkelman was a Rabbi. ;-9

 

> >Yetta: " Vell - I tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctual like

> >a clock. And like a mensch he is dressed. Fine suit, wonderful

> >lining. And he brings me such beautiful flowers you could die from.

>

> Nope. Yetta would say " you could die for. " Not. from.

 

Forgot to tell you .. they were Turkish Jews. Turks use the word " dan "

or " den " to mean " from " in many cases but when they translate Turkish to

English they overuse it .. like .. Turn here .. is Turn from here .. and

call me At home is call me From home .. so .. they were Turk Jews. ;-)

 

> >Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but such a beautiful car,

> >a limousine even, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out to

> >dinner .. marvelous dinner. Lobster even. "

>

> Lobster is treif. She would never admit to eating it.

 

Moslems don't eat scavengers either .. for that matter, the Bible says

to stay away from them .. but damned if I can't get'em here when there

is no convention in town. ;-p

 

Had a buddy named Moishe. Moishe had an overwhelming desire to try

pork. Of course he wouldn't dare try it in his own village, so he went

off to Istanbul where he can be anonymous, and ordered some at a fancy

restaurant. Soon his roast suckling pig complete with an apple in its

mouth was set before him. He was about to dig in when the local Rabbi

him through the window and came rushing in. " Moishe " , the Rabbi

demanded, " what are you doing!?! " . " Oh, Rabbi, I was famished! I came

in and ordered an apple. Just see how fancy they serve it here! "

 

> > " Den ve go to a show .. let me tell you Sadie, I enjoyed it so much.

> >I could just die from the pleasure! So then we are coming back to my

> >apartment and into an ANIMAL he turns. Completely crazy, he tears

> >off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times. "

>

> Switches from 'then' to 'den'. Vas machs du? Tripping? Oh, and the

> sex part. Definite give away -- don't do it, don't admit to it, the

> nice lady's mantra is missing here.

 

Yea .. them Turk Jews do get their " then's and now's " confused often.

 

> >Sadie: " Oy! Vey .. so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him. "

> >

> >Yetta: " No .. I'm just saying, wear an old dress.

>

> The last line is the only one that rings true, LOL.

 

Smart lady that Yetta wuz .. but she wuz dialectally handicapped ..

couldn't deal with syntagmata. Example: One day she approached a man

at a bus stop in Brooklyn. She tugged on the sleeve of his coat and

said, " Farshtayn Yiddish? " The man answered: " Yes, Ich Farshtay. " Then

Yetta said, " Vot Time is It? " ;-p

 

> (this critique brought to you by Anya McCoyberg, aka McOy, who spent

> many years listening to the ladies in my family and neighborhood with

> their Yiddish lilts to let this goyish stumble through the shul go by

> without a comment.)

 

> Anya

> http://member.newsguy.com/~herblady

 

Speaking of shuls ..a man walks into shul with a dog.

 

The shammas runs up to him and says, " Pardon me, this is a House of

Worship! You can't bring your dog in here. "

 

" What do you mean? " says the man, " This is a Jewish dog. Look! "

 

And the shammas looks carefully and sees that in the same way that a St.

Bernard carries a brandy barrel around its neck, this dog has a tallis

bag around his neck.

 

" Spot, " says the man, " Daven! "

 

" Woof! " says the dog, stands up on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag,

takes out a keepa, and puts it on his head.

 

" Woof! " says the dog again, opens the tallis bag, takes out a tallis,

and puts it around his neck.

 

" Woof, woof! " says the dog, takes out a siddur and starts to daven.

 

" That's fantastic, " says the shammas, " absolutely amazing, incredible!

You should take him to Hollywood, get him on television, get him in the

movies; you could make a million dollars off of him! "

 

" Oy! " says the man, " You talk to him. He wants to be a doctor. "

 

Y'all keep smiling. :-) Butch http://www.AV-AT.com