OT: For Butch, so you know what to expect when you get stateside to stay

[Guest guest]

Operator: " Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your... "

 

Customer: " Hi, I'd like to order. "

 

Operator: " May I have your NIDN first, sir? "

 

Customer: " My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-

45-54610. "

 

Operator: " Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland

Drive, and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at

Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Which

number are you calling from, sir? "

 

Customer: " Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information? "

 

Operator: " We're wired into the system, sir. "

 

Customer: (Sighs) " Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-

Meat Special pizzas... "

 

Operator: " I don't think that's a good idea, sir. "

 

Customer: " Whaddya mean? "

 

Operator: " Sir, your medical records indicate that you've got very

high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National

Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice. "

 

Customer: " Damn. What do you recommend, then? "

 

Operator: " You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I'm sure

you'll like it "

 

Customer: " What makes you think I'd like something like that? "

 

Operator: " Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your

local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion. "

 

Customer: " All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.

What's the damage? "

 

Operator: " That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four

kids, sir. The 'damage,' as you put it, heh, heh, comes $49.99. "

 

Customer: " Lemme give you my credit card number. "

 

Operator: " I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash.

Your credit card balance is over its limit. "

 

Customer: " I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your

driver gets here. "

 

Operator: " That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's

overdrawn. "

 

Customer: " Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash

ready. How long will it take? "

 

Operator: " We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45

minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up

while you're out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a

motorcycle can be a little awkward. "

 

Customer: " How the hell do you know I'm riding a bike? "

 

Operator: " It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so

your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid up, so I just assumed

that you'd be using it. "

 

Customer: " @#%/$@ & ?#! "

 

Operator: " I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got

a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop. "

 

Customer: (Speechless)

 

Operator: " Will there be anything else, sir? "

 

Customer: " No, nothing. oh, yeah, don't forget the two free liters of

Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas. "

 

Operator: " I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents

us from offering free soda to diabetics