OT: Henry Fonda, John Wayne, Robert Mitcham - We Need Y'all

[Guest guest]

Celebrity Eccentrics: Like Train Wrecks, You Can't Turn Away

By Stacy Jenel Smith

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Hi y'all,

 

Somehow these characters get the good ratings .. so the show goes on.

They'll certainly not get any from me .. but I'm just one old fashioned

dude who still likes classic westerns, 007 movies, National Geographic,

History Channel, CSPAN and other such out-of-date humma-humma. Butch

 

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In the beginning, there were " The Osbournes. " And viewers tuned in to

watch their squabbles, their profanity, their familial love, and the

oddball comments that issue from Dad's synapse-impaired mind. And, lo,

though critics wailed about TV bottom-trolling, MTV saw that ratings

were good.

 

The Osbournes begat Anna Nicole in all her outsized outrageousness.

Viewers tuned in to E! Entertainment and saw the former Guess model

stumbling about in stilettos, carrying the urn-bound remains of her late

kazillionaire hubby J. Howard Marshall II -- giving him a tour of her

new home. She filled her shower with whipped cream. She whined. There

was gnashing of teeth throughout the land, but people watched the show

anyway.

 

And it came to pass that Comedy Central brought forth " I'm With Busey. "

And audiences could see the star of stage, screen and police blotter

leading comedian Adam de la Pena through an array of Busey antics --

Gary clubbing in full drag, Gary pontificating nonsensically, Gary

eating oysters -- with de la Pena's follow-up jokes.

 

Soon we will have the multiple personality fraught Roseanne's reality

show on ABC.

 

And so it is that now, verily, we can say unto you, what one reviewer

titled the " Celebrities Is the Craziest People Sub-Genre of Programming "

has reached Biblical proportions.

 

Let's face it, the public has been entertained by tales of eccentric

stars as long as there've been eccentric stars, which is to say,

forever. But now this sort of thing has become exploitation TV fodder

as never before. It is sick. It is demoralizing. It is hard to turn away

from, like a train wreck.

 

And the possibilities are endless.

 

How about " Nick Day and Night, " a show that would capture Nick Nolte as

he does what he does for as many as four days straight without sleep,

unscripted, when he's really entertaining. You may recall that Nick

himself has discussed shooting human growth hormone into his stomach,

and when he's really feeling depleted, he fills an IV bag with 13

different vitamins and minerals and drips them through a needle into his

bloodstream. He also has tanks of ozone bolted to walls in rooms all

over his property because he believes " bad things can't live in it.

Viruses can't live in it, bacteria can't. Cancer can't. Gets more oxygen

into your plasma. It's all about getting oxygen into your brain. " The

man regularly wears pajamas in public.

 

Or how about " Celestial Wisdom With Anne Heche " ? She's gay, she's

straight, she wrote a book in which she told us that " I was called

Celestia, the reincarnation of God " ...and that she was from the fourth

dimension and that she was " getting messages from [her] planet every day

about how to make the world a better place. " When she had a breakdown

and was found wandering naked near Fresno, California in 2000, Heche

said, " In my mind, I became Jesus. "

 

Of course, Michael Jackson, the erstwhile King of Pop, remains the King

of celebrity strangeness. Who could forget the hyperbaric oxygen

chamber, Bubbles the Chimp, the masks, the glove -- all of it? This

year's Jackson TV romps, including British journalist Martin Bashir's

ABC special, and " Dateline NBC's " examination of Jackson's face, gave

the networks big ratings sweeps wins.

 

Last year, US magazine got psychiatric experts to analyze Jacko's

behavior. Bellevue Hospital's Dr. Fred Covan suggested that Michael may

have married Elvis' daughter, Lisa Marie Presley, to gain the power of

the King of Rock 'n' Roll -- somewhat analogous to " the way cannibals

eat the organs of warriors they kill. "

 

Lisa Marie was also wed to Nic Cage, who used to cultivate an out-of

control image, which he clinched by eating a live cockroach on camera.

He claimed to have had sex (outside of the car) at the intersection of

Melrose and La Brea in Los Angeles for kicks. He memorably got on an

airplane's PA system once and announced that he was the captain and the

plane was losing altitude and he wasn't feeling well.

 

What a show that would be, as the police come to haul Nic away!

 

For that matter, with his nocturnal habits, outsized appetites, shooting

a TV with a gun and so on -- Elvis himself would have made for quite a

reality show. Thank goodness he's out of reach.

 

Syndicated Columnists--Marilyn Beck and Stacy Jenel Smith are featured

on E! Online under the daily " Ask Marilyn " column and in monthly

celebrity profiles and industry features.

[Guest guest]

Celebrity Eccentrics: Like Train Wrecks, You Can't Turn Away

By Stacy Jenel Smith

 

All this makes me VERY HAPPY that I chosen NOT to have cable. As it is, my TV

will never wear out since it gets such little use....!

 

But yes, I CAN turn away from this garbage! LOL

Neysa