OT: Mother's Day Humor

[Guest guest]

In keeping with the upcoming Mother's Day...

 

Things my mother taught me:

 

Mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -

" If you're going kill each other, do it outside -

I just finished

cleaning! "

 

My Mother taught me MEDICINE - " If you don't stop

crossing

your eyes, they're goin to freeze that way. "

 

My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD - " If you

don't pass

your spelling test, you'll never get a good job! "

 

My Mother taught me HUMOUR - " When that lawn

mower

cuts off your toes because you don't have shoes

on, don't

come running to me. "

 

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT - " If

you

don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.

 

My mother taught me about GENETICS - " You are

just like

your father! "

 

My mother taught me about my ROOTS - " Do you

think

you were born in a barn? "

 

My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE -

" When

you get to be my age, you will understand. "

 

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION - " Just

wait until

your father gets home. "

 

My mother taught me RELIGION - " You better pray

that will

come out of the carpet. "

 

My mother taught me LOGIC - " Because I said so,

that's why. "

 

My mother taught me FORESIGHT - " Make sure you

wear

clean underwear, in case you're in an accident. "

 

My mother taught me IRONY - " Keep laughing and

I'll *give*

you something to cry about. "

 

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS

- " Shut

your mouth and eat your supper! "

 

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - " Will

you

*look* at the dirt on the back of your neck! "

 

My mother taught me about WEATHER - " It looks as

if a

hurricane swept through your room. "

 

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - " If I've

told you

once, I've told you a million times - Don't

exaggerate!!! "

 

And my all time favorite thing- JUSTICE - " One

day you will

have kids, and I hope they turn out just like

YOU... then

you'll see what it's like. "

 

 

=====

Cheryl Smith

A Heavenly Body

204 Muldoon Road

Anchorage AK 99504

 

 

 

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