Just a journal entry.

[Guest guest]

Hi guys, I know I seem to be posting alot but its helping me figure

this all out. I couldnt sleep tonight because It dawned on me to travel

back to the beginning to find out where something went wrong. I think

it did all start in the beginning and went from there. If interested

in my story please read on. If not I wont be offended if you jsut

delete this.

 

Here is where I get the inclination that my immune system is completely

and utterly shot.

 

I look in the mirror I see a beautiful young lady but on the inside I

feel 50 years old. It started all in the beginning....

 

At 6months pregnancy my mother gave birth to me - weighing in at 2lbs I

was embedded in a bag of infection that burst upon my delivery as

well. I was in an incubator for 6 months before my mother was able to

bring me home. (hence I am still very small)

 

Formula fed

 

Very poor disfunctional family, Physical abuse and not the right

nutrition from birth to 12 years old. (My parents divorced when I was

5) I was physical beat to bloody pulps from the age of 6months on....

My mother left at 5years old and My father was my single abusive

parent. I never saw my mother again till I was around 9yrs old and very

little after that until 12 years old.

 

12 years old - my mother let me start smoking around her.

 

13 years old - I became bulimic (full fledged daily)

 

14 years old I became Anorexic (full fledged and mixed with bulimia) I

hated food.

 

!5 years old I was put into the hospital for Overdose of alcohol .40

blood level. and had been raped and left outside to die.

 

16 years old - pregnant (first one) still anorexic up to this point

where my first health must of come on just from taking the prenatal

vitamin religiously daily.

 

17 years old - my mother moved away before I hit 18 while I was staying

at the fathers family house for a weekend . They were going on a fishing

trip up north, came back moved there stuff and told me I had to get my

stuff out of the house.

 

18 - moved into my own low income housing where food stamps where never

offered. So I spent $20 a week on groceries for me and the rest of the

extra went all to baby food. I would starve for my baby.

 

18 - moved my son to live with his fathers parents so I could go to

college.

18- second teen pregnancy ( this man kicked me out of the house while I

was 9months pregnant) and I was homeless. No choice but to give him up

for adoption.

18 - became exotic dancer and never hardly ate. Drank, did three types

sometimes 4 types of drugs along with the alcohol each and every night

for the next 5 years.

 

19 - lost custody of my first son because I had no car to get to the

court hearing for physical temporary placement of him in to the

grandparents care till I finished college.

 

19- new boyfriend I moved in with found another girl and kicked me out

taking all my belongings and burning them.

 

20 - Still Anorexic and bulimic- Still using street drugs.

 

23- met (my now husband) as I was in 1year college program trying to

turn my life around. Still Bulimic

 

23 - pregnant with third child. Best I ever ate in my life. Became

bulimic after her birth once again.

 

24 - constant more chronic stress (relationship issues) for the next 3

years. Still Bulimic on a daily basis.

 

25 - Finally became clean from all street drugs and alcohol. found out I

had the thyroid problems after many years of them trying so many

antidepressents. Went from size 4/5 to a size 12/14 in ONE year. found

they had me on thyroid dose for a newborn not an adult.

 

26 - Started eating meat (was always vegan before) and not healthy

vegan at that. Found a endocrinologist who got me on the right dose of

thyroid medicane.

 

27 - Moved to this city now and began to learn about alternative health

care, herbal care, how to help me help myself so to speak.

 

28 - Endomitriosis removed.

 

29 - 30 Struggled with trying to teach myself how to feed myself and my

family properly and how to get all the drugs and bad stuff out of my

body and how to rebuild my immune system which OBVIOUSLY had been hurt

very very badly. ( I cant tell you how many times I stuffed and purged

over all those years and used laxatives left and right)

 

I am 30 years old now and now that I finally am getting a grasp on how

to clean out my body and maybe rebuild my immune system. I am yet stuck

again as to where to go. What path to journey on. No more pain, no

more suffering is what I want. And yet when I try to explain my story

of what I have done to my body over so many years and that there may be

more underlying problems with my immune system. They say I am fine and

its all in my head and that I just need to stay on my thyroid medicane.

 

Sorry for the life detail, I just wanted to paint a picture not only for

you but formyself as to how screwed up my insides must really really be.

:-(

 

Hugs and love to all. Hoping to find any info in Docs files on maybe

repairing my Immune system before doing anything else. If this is the

right step to take.

 

Thanks in advance for any advise. (yes life is hard for me on a daily

basis) but I try to make what I can of it. If God didnt let me die

through all that crap and overdosing of Acid and alcohol - there must be

a reason I am here.

 

Hugs

Deana