Guest guest Posted March 4, 2005 Report Share Posted March 4, 2005 POWER OUTAGE DURING A MAMMOGRAMI actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi! I'mBelinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tiltedher head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step intothis room right hereee, strip to the waist, thennnn slip on thisgown. Everything clearrrr?"I'm thinking, "Belinda . try decaf. This ain't rocket science."Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes aperfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everythingnice....it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over acold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape.With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to theleft and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in atad so we can get everything?"Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why notuse the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my otherboob wedged between those two 4" pieces of square glass) when weheard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!"What?" I yelled."Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed forthe door."Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you?" Ishouted.Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy ... the door's wideopen so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be rightttttbackkkk."Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubbaand Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-nakedand part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other partsmashed between glass! After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going"type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utterdisbelief, if I knew the power was off.Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness aspossible. "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.""You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'dbeen standing in the line at the grocery store.Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin andmaking no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said. "Oh I am soooo sorry!The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I wentto lunch. Are we upset?"And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between theclamps........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2005 Report Share Posted March 4, 2005 Shelby: Is it really true about the 2 hour wait? I was laughing so hard, and then I was horrified by your ending. Any reason why you have this procedure done? vsp P.S. You are a great storyteller! On Thu, 3 Mar 2005 16:33:25 -0800, Shelby Blakely <sblakely wrote: > POWER OUTAGE DURING A MAMMOGRAM > > I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, " Hi! I'm > Belinda! " This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted > her head to one side and crooned, " All I need you to do is step into > this room right hereee, strip to the waist, thennnn slip on this > gown. Everything clearrrr? " > > I'm thinking, " Belinda . try decaf. This ain't rocket science. " > > Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. > > Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a > perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60 > seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything > nice....it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a > cold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape. > > With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the > left and said, " Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a > tad so we can get everything? " > > Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not > use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? > > My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other > boob wedged between those two 4 " pieces of square glass) when we > heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off! > " What? " I yelled. > > " Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag. " Belinda headed for > the door. > > " Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you? " I > shouted. > > Belinda kept going and said, " Oh, you fussy puppy ... the door's wide > open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be righttttt > backkkk. " > > Before I could shout " NOOOO! " she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba > and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked > and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part > smashed between glass! After exchanging polite " Hi, how's it going " > type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter > disbelief, if I knew the power was off. > > Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as > possible. " Uh, yes, yes I did thanks. " > > " You bet, take care " Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd > been standing in the line at the grocery store. > > Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and > making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said. " Oh I am soooo sorry! > The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went > to lunch. Are we upset? " > > And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the > clamps........ > > Federal Law requires that we warn you of the following: > 1. Natural methods can sometimes backfire. > 2. If you are pregnant, consult your physician before using any natural > remedy. > 3. The Constitution guarantees you the right to be your own physician and to > prescribe for your own health. > We are not medical doctors although MDs are welcome to post here as long as > they behave themselves. > Any opinions put forth by the list members are exactly that, and any person > following the advice of anyone posting here does so at their own risk. > It is up to you to educate yourself. By accepting advice or products from > list members, you are agreeing to > be fully responsible for your own health, and hold the List Owner and > members free of any liability. > > Dr. Ian Shillington > Doctor of Naturopathy > Dr.IanShillington > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2005 Report Share Posted March 4, 2005 that's great! Janelle --- Shelby Blakely <sblakely wrote: > POWER OUTAGE DURING A MAMMOGRAM > > I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met > with, " Hi! I'm > Belinda! " This perky clipboard carrier smiled from > ear to ear, tilted > her head to one side and crooned, " All I need you to > do is step into > this room right hereee, strip to the waist, thennnn > slip on this > gown. Everything clearrrr? " > > I'm thinking, " Belinda . try decaf. This ain't > rocket science. " > > Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of > horrors. > > Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this > machine. It takes a > perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG > in less than 60 > seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice > and everything > nice....it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled > and twisted over a > cold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back > into shape. > > With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me > (literally) to the > left and said, " Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy > toes and lean in a > tad so we can get everything? " > > Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out > of air, so why not > use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck > and finish me off? > > My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity > (with my other > boob wedged between those two 4 " pieces of square > glass) when we > heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the > power went off! > " What? " I yelled. > > " Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag. " > Belinda headed for > the door. > > " Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise > alone, are you? " I > shouted. > > Belinda kept going and said, " Oh, you fussy puppy > ... the door's wide > open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll > be righttttt > backkkk. " > > Before I could shout " NOOOO! " she disappeared. And > that's exactly how Bubba > and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, > half-naked > and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and > the other part > smashed between glass! After exchanging polite " Hi, > how's it going " > type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to > my utter > disbelief, if I knew the power was off. > > Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as > much calmness as > possible. " Uh, yes, yes I did thanks. " > > " You bet, take care " Bubba replied and waved > good-bye as though I'd > been standing in the line at the grocery store. > > Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a > sheepish grin and > making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she > said. " Oh I am soooo sorry! > The power came back on and I totally forgot about > you! And silly me, I went > to lunch. Are we upset? " > > And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended > up between the > clamps........ > -- > > > Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.6.0 - Release > 3/2/2005 > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2005 Report Share Posted March 4, 2005 Boy this made my morning, I really felt like I was there myself. ROFLMAO!!!! So...... is it really true? Man oh Man if it is. Wooo weeee!!!! I'm sorry but I think we all derived pleasure form the read. It really was terrific!!..... oh... and horrible... yes... uh.. terrible really. *giggle* Love, Zeb - Shelby Blakely Herbal Remedies Thursday, March 03, 2005 7:33 PM Herbal Remedies - FW: Mammogram POWER OUTAGE DURING A MAMMOGRAMI actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi! I'mBelinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tiltedher head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step intothis room right hereee, strip to the waist, thennnn slip on thisgown. Everything clearrrr?"I'm thinking, "Belinda . try decaf. This ain't rocket science."Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes aperfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everythingnice....it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over acold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape.With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to theleft and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in atad so we can get everything?"Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why notuse the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my otherboob wedged between those two 4" pieces of square glass) when weheard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!"What?" I yelled."Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed forthe door."Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you?" Ishouted.Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy ... the door's wideopen so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be rightttttbackkkk."Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubbaand Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-nakedand part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other partsmashed between glass! After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going"type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utterdisbelief, if I knew the power was off.Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness aspossible. "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.""You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'dbeen standing in the line at the grocery store.Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin andmaking no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said. "Oh I am soooo sorry!The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I wentto lunch. Are we upset?"And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between theclamps........Federal Law requires that we warn you of the following: 1. Natural methods can sometimes backfire. 2. If you are pregnant, consult your physician before using any natural remedy. 3. The Constitution guarantees you the right to be your own physician and toprescribe for your own health. We are not medical doctors although MDs are welcome to post here as long as they behave themselves. Any opinions put forth by the list members are exactly that, and any person following the advice of anyone posting here does so at their own risk. It is up to you to educate yourself. By accepting advice or products from list members, you are agreeing to be fully responsible for your own health, and hold the List Owner and members free of any liability. Dr. Ian ShillingtonDoctor of NaturopathyDr.IanShillington Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2005 Report Share Posted March 4, 2005 It's probably true! Never had one and don't plan on it. herbal remedies , Janelle Witter <janellewitter> wrote: > > > that's great! > > Janelle > > > --- Shelby Blakely <sblakely@b...> wrote: > > POWER OUTAGE DURING A MAMMOGRAM > > > > I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met > > with, " Hi! I'm > > Belinda! " This perky clipboard carrier smiled from > > ear to ear, tilted > > her head to one side and crooned, " All I need you to > > do is step into > > this room right hereee, strip to the waist, thennnn > > slip on this > > gown. Everything clearrrr? " > > > > I'm thinking, " Belinda . try decaf. This ain't > > rocket science. " > > > > Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of > > horrors. > > > > Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this > > machine. It takes a > > perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG > > in less than 60 > > seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice > > and everything > > nice....it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled > > and twisted over a > > cold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back > > into shape. > > > > With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me > > (literally) to the > > left and said, " Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy > > toes and lean in a > > tad so we can get everything? " > > > > Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out > > of air, so why not > > use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck > > and finish me off? > > > > My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity > > (with my other > > boob wedged between those two 4 " pieces of square > > glass) when we > > heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the > > power went off! > > " What? " I yelled. > > > > " Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag. " > > Belinda headed for > > the door. > > > > " Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise > > alone, are you? " I > > shouted. > > > > Belinda kept going and said, " Oh, you fussy puppy > > ... the door's wide > > open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll > > be righttttt > > backkkk. " > > > > Before I could shout " NOOOO! " she disappeared. And > > that's exactly how Bubba > > and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, > > half-naked > > and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and > > the other part > > smashed between glass! After exchanging polite " Hi, > > how's it going " > > type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to > > my utter > > disbelief, if I knew the power was off. > > > > Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as > > much calmness as > > possible. " Uh, yes, yes I did thanks. " > > > > " You bet, take care " Bubba replied and waved > > good-bye as though I'd > > been standing in the line at the grocery store. > > > > Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a > > sheepish grin and > > making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she > > said. " Oh I am soooo sorry! > > The power came back on and I totally forgot about > > you! And silly me, I went > > to lunch. Are we upset? " > > > > And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended > > up between the > > clamps........ > > -- > > > > > > Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.6.0 - Release > > 3/2/2005 > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2005 Report Share Posted March 4, 2005 My aunt sent it to me. You couldn't pay me to have a mammogram; aside from the uselessness of it, my boobs are so big it would probably spill over the plate. -Shelby Victoria S. Pritchard [vspritchard] Thursday, March 03, 2005 6:23 PM herbal remedies Re: Herbal Remedies - FW: Mammogram Shelby: Is it really true about the 2 hour wait? I was laughing so hard, and then I was horrified by your ending. Any reason why you have this procedure done? vsp P.S. You are a great storyteller! On Thu, 3 Mar 2005 16:33:25 -0800, Shelby Blakely <sblakely wrote: > POWER OUTAGE DURING A MAMMOGRAM > > I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, " Hi! I'm > Belinda! " This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted > her head to one side and crooned, " All I need you to do is step into > this room right hereee, strip to the waist, thennnn slip on this > gown. Everything clearrrr? " > > I'm thinking, " Belinda . try decaf. This ain't rocket science. " > > Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. > > Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a > perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60 > seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything > nice....it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a > cold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape. > > With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the > left and said, " Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a > tad so we can get everything? " > > Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not > use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? > > My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other > boob wedged between those two 4 " pieces of square glass) when we > heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off! > " What? " I yelled. > > " Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag. " Belinda headed for > the door. > > " Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you? " I > shouted. > > Belinda kept going and said, " Oh, you fussy puppy ... the door's wide > open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be righttttt > backkkk. " > > Before I could shout " NOOOO! " she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba > and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked > and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part > smashed between glass! After exchanging polite " Hi, how's it going " > type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter > disbelief, if I knew the power was off. > > Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as > possible. " Uh, yes, yes I did thanks. " > > " You bet, take care " Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd > been standing in the line at the grocery store. > > Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and > making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said. " Oh I am soooo sorry! > The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went > to lunch. Are we upset? " > > And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the > clamps........ > -- Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.6.0 - Release 3/2/2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2005 Report Share Posted March 5, 2005 I figure it doesn't make sense to go to lengths to protect my breasts just to have them squeezed and subjected to radiation. I understand the need for early detection, but we don't have that in my family and I do self-examination for small tumors/cysts. I do think that it pays a high-risk person to do it, but not annually as they suggest. herbal remedies , " Shelby Blakely " <sblakely@b...> wrote: > My aunt sent it to me. You couldn't pay me to have a mammogram; aside from > the uselessness of it, my boobs are so big it would probably spill over the > plate. > -Shelby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2005 Report Share Posted March 5, 2005 I figure it doesn't make sense to go to lengths to protect my breasts just to have them squeezed and subjected to radiation. Interesting stuff. I tend to think that if you get annual mammograms, they probably WILL eventually detect breast cancer because all the previous mammograms are what caused it. Gloria Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2005 Report Share Posted March 5, 2005 There is an alternative to mammograms. Women with fibrocystic breast disease or other unusual breast tissue are USUALLY sent for an ultra sound. If you want to deal with " conventional medicine " in a relationship where it isn't hazardous to your health, its best to be an educated consumer. Penel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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