Guest guest Posted February 25, 2005 Report Share Posted February 25, 2005 This is an excerpt from a Dave Berry Column, originally printed in the Miami Herald. I thought you all might enjoy the chuckle. Elaine ------------------------------- Recently, I was lying on the sofa and watching my favorite TV show, which is called, ''Whatever Is on TV When I'm Lying on the Sofa.'' I was in a good mood until the commercial came on. It showed an old man (and when I say ''old man,'' I mean ''a man who is maybe eight years older than I am'') helping his grandson learn to ride a bicycle. I was watching this, wondering what product was being advertised (Bicycles? Dietary fiber? Lucent?) and the announcer said: ``Aren't there enough reasons in your life to talk to your doctor about Zocor?'' The announcer did not say what ''Zocor'' is. It sounds like the evil ruler of the Planet Wombax. I figure it's a medical drug, although I have no idea what it does. And so, instead of enjoying my favorite TV show, I was lying there wondering if I should be talking to my doctor about Zocor. My doctor is named Curt, and the only time I go to his office is when I am experiencing a clear-cut medical symptom, such as an arrow sticking out of my head. So mainly I see Curt when I happen to sit near him at a sporting event, and he's voicing medical opinions such as, ''HE STINKS!'' and ''CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW BAD THIS GUY STINKS??'' This would not be a good time to ask him what he thinks about Zocor (''IT STINKS!''). Television has become infested with commercials for drugs that we're supposed to ask our doctors about. Usually the announcer says something scary like, ``If you're one of the 337 million people who suffer from parabolical distabulation of the frenulum, ask your doctor about Varvacron. Do it now. Don't wait until you develop boils the size of fondue pots.'' At that point, you're thinking, ``Gosh, I better get some Varvacron!'' Then the announcer tells you the side effects. ''In some patients,'' he says, ``Varvacron causes stomach discomfort and the growth of an extra hand coming out of the forehead. Also, one patient turned into a lemur. Do not use Varvacron if you are now taking, or have recently shaken hands with anybody who is taking, Fladamol, Lavadil, Fromagil, Havadam, Lexavon, Clamadam, Gungadin or breath mints. Discontinue use if your eyeballs suddenly get way smaller. Pregnant women should not even be watching this commercial.'' So basically, the message of these drug commercials is: 1. You need this drug. 2. This drug might kill you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2005 Report Share Posted February 25, 2005 I was actually in a health food store only a few months back when a dear old girl came in and asked for some euthanasia. She was at least 80 in the shade but the shop assistant didn't hesitate a bit and pointed the way to the Echinacea and advised her of the correct pronunciation. Just as well our infamous Dr Philip Nitschke wasn't in the Store. Tom Life Victim __________________________Before you speak, ask yourself, is it kind, is it necessary, is it true, does it improve on the silence? -Sai Baba - Elaine herbal remedies Friday, February 25, 2005 7:52 PM Herbal Remedies - Humor is the best medicine! This is an excerpt from a Dave Berry Column, originally printed in the Miami Herald. I thought you all might enjoy the chuckle.Elaine-------------------------------Recently, I was lying on the sofa and watching my favorite TV show, which is called, ''Whatever Is on TV When I'm Lying on the Sofa.'' I was in a good mood until the commercial came on. It showed an old man (and when I say ''old man,'' I mean ''a man who is maybe eight years older than I am'') helping his grandson learn to ride a bicycle.I was watching this, wondering what product was being advertised (Bicycles? Dietary fiber? Lucent?) and the announcer said: ``Aren't there enough reasons in your life to talk to your doctor about Zocor?''The announcer did not say what ''Zocor'' is. It sounds like the evil ruler of the Planet Wombax. I figure it's a medical drug, although I have no idea what it does. And so, instead of enjoying my favorite TV show, I was lying there wondering if I should be talking to my doctor about Zocor. My doctor is named Curt, and the only time I go to his office is when I am experiencing a clear-cut medical symptom, such as an arrow sticking out of my head. So mainly I see Curt when I happen to sit near him at a sporting event, and he's voicing medical opinions such as, ''HE STINKS!'' and ''CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW BAD THIS GUY STINKS??'' This would not be a good time to ask him what he thinks about Zocor (''IT STINKS!'').Television has become infested with commercials for drugs that we're supposed to ask our doctors about. Usually the announcer says something scary like, ``If you're one of the 337 million people who suffer from parabolical distabulation of the frenulum, ask your doctor about Varvacron. Do it now. Don't wait until you develop boils the size of fondue pots.''At that point, you're thinking, ``Gosh, I better get some Varvacron!''Then the announcer tells you the side effects.''In some patients,'' he says, ``Varvacron causes stomach discomfort and the growth of an extra hand coming out of the forehead. Also, one patient turned into a lemur. Do not use Varvacron if you are now taking, or have recently shaken hands with anybody who is taking, Fladamol, Lavadil, Fromagil, Havadam, Lexavon, Clamadam, Gungadin or breath mints. Discontinue use if your eyeballs suddenly get way smaller. Pregnant women should not even be watching this commercial.''So basically, the message of these drug commercials is:1. You need this drug.2. This drug might kill you.Federal Law requires that we warn you of the following: 1. Natural methods can sometimes backfire. 2. If you are pregnant, consult your physician before using any natural remedy. 3. The Constitution guarantees you the right to be your own physician and toprescribe for your own health. We are not medical doctors although MDs are welcome to post here as long as they behave themselves. Any opinions put forth by the list members are exactly that, and any person following the advice of anyone posting here does so at their own risk. It is up to you to educate yourself. By accepting advice or products from list members, you are agreeing to be fully responsible for your own health, and hold the List Owner and members free of any liability. Dr. Ian ShillingtonDoctor of NaturopathyDr.IanShillington Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2005 Report Share Posted February 25, 2005 Its been a while since I was on this list but the last time I heard anyone this delirious is when someone on this list was fasting bigtime for like 30 days.It was Great entertainment.Is that person still a member a here as I need a little entertaining so can you please start another super human fast just for my entertainment. keep us informed. Or possibly we can do a co-ordinated fast amongst members.Put me down as a contender for the first of March. Tom Life Victim __________________________Before you speak, ask yourself, is it kind, is it necessary, is it true, does it improve on the silence? -Sai Baba - Elaine herbal remedies Friday, February 25, 2005 7:52 PM Herbal Remedies - Humor is the best medicine! This is an excerpt from a Dave Berry Column, originally printed in the Miami Herald. I thought you all might enjoy the chuckle.Elaine-------------------------------Recently, I was lying on the sofa and watching my favorite TV show, which is called, ''Whatever Is on TV When I'm Lying on the Sofa.'' I was in a good mood until the commercial came on. It showed an old man (and when I say ''old man,'' I mean ''a man who is maybe eight years older than I am'') helping his grandson learn to ride a bicycle.I was watching this, wondering what product was being advertised (Bicycles? Dietary fiber? Lucent?) and the announcer said: ``Aren't there enough reasons in your life to talk to your doctor about Zocor?''The announcer did not say what ''Zocor'' is. It sounds like the evil ruler of the Planet Wombax. I figure it's a medical drug, although I have no idea what it does. And so, instead of enjoying my favorite TV show, I was lying there wondering if I should be talking to my doctor about Zocor. My doctor is named Curt, and the only time I go to his office is when I am experiencing a clear-cut medical symptom, such as an arrow sticking out of my head. So mainly I see Curt when I happen to sit near him at a sporting event, and he's voicing medical opinions such as, ''HE STINKS!'' and ''CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW BAD THIS GUY STINKS??'' This would not be a good time to ask him what he thinks about Zocor (''IT STINKS!'').Television has become infested with commercials for drugs that we're supposed to ask our doctors about. Usually the announcer says something scary like, ``If you're one of the 337 million people who suffer from parabolical distabulation of the frenulum, ask your doctor about Varvacron. Do it now. Don't wait until you develop boils the size of fondue pots.''At that point, you're thinking, ``Gosh, I better get some Varvacron!''Then the announcer tells you the side effects.''In some patients,'' he says, ``Varvacron causes stomach discomfort and the growth of an extra hand coming out of the forehead. Also, one patient turned into a lemur. Do not use Varvacron if you are now taking, or have recently shaken hands with anybody who is taking, Fladamol, Lavadil, Fromagil, Havadam, Lexavon, Clamadam, Gungadin or breath mints. Discontinue use if your eyeballs suddenly get way smaller. Pregnant women should not even be watching this commercial.''So basically, the message of these drug commercials is:1. You need this drug.2. This drug might kill you.Federal Law requires that we warn you of the following: 1. Natural methods can sometimes backfire. 2. If you are pregnant, consult your physician before using any natural remedy. 3. The Constitution guarantees you the right to be your own physician and toprescribe for your own health. We are not medical doctors although MDs are welcome to post here as long as they behave themselves. Any opinions put forth by the list members are exactly that, and any person following the advice of anyone posting here does so at their own risk. It is up to you to educate yourself. By accepting advice or products from list members, you are agreeing to be fully responsible for your own health, and hold the List Owner and members free of any liability. Dr. Ian ShillingtonDoctor of NaturopathyDr.IanShillington Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2005 Report Share Posted February 25, 2005 hahahaha... very funny indeed Leisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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