FDA outlaws vitamin D, seeks to destroy sun to protect Americans from sunlight (

[Guest guest]

FDA outlaws vitamin D, seeks to destroy sun to protect Americans

from sunlight (satire)

Friday, August 18, 2006 by: Mike Adams

Key concepts: Vitamin D, the FDA and sunscreen.

 

 

http://www.newstarget.com/020037.html

 

In a surprising move, the FDA has now banned the manufacture and use

of vitamin D, citing studies that show vitamin D to be a powerful

physiological substance that needs to undergo FDA approval before

individuals are allowed to use it. Since sunlight exposure causes

vitamin D production in the human body, individuals who

intentionally expose themselves to sunlight will now be arrested and

have their blood confiscated by federal health authorities.

 

All citizens are advised to coat themselves with sunscreen every

time they go out in the sun and avoid sun exposure until further

notice.

Individuals caught seeking sunlight may be charged with not only

possession, but trafficking of the vitamin D drug. DEA agents have

been alerted and will be called in to arrest sunbathers. Sunscreen

checkpoints will also be set up in public places where sunlight may

occur, and any citizen who fails to test positive for the presence

of sunscreen on their skin will be immediately arrested and charged

with trafficking vitamin D.

 

Hat companies and sunscreen manufacturers hailed the FDA's decision.

 

The FDA has also alerted the news media to the fact that, since many

fish contain vitamin D, the fish inventory in grocery stores around

the country will be confiscated, and fish oil products will no

longer be allowed on the market. " We have found fish to contain

alarming levels of this dangerous, unapproved drug, " said an FDA

spokesperson.

 

To protect the U.S. population from the harmful effects of sunlight,

the FDA is recommending that a giant, sun-blocking dome be built

over the entire country. Funds to build the dome have already been

promised by makers of cancer drugs, who stand to receive a windfall

of profits once cancer explodes across the population due to

universal vitamin D deficiencies.

 

Dubbed the " Merck dome, " the inside of the dome will also display

drug advertisements round-the-clock, allowing people to find the

name of any drug they need simply by looking towards the sky. To

appease likely complaints from astronomers unhappy with a giant dome

blocking their view of the universe, Merck promises to paint

pictures of the moon, planets and stars across the ceiling, mixed in

with the pharmaceutical advertisements.

 

The FDA is also petitioning NASA to launch a mission to actually

destroy the sun, thereby protecting humans from the dangers of

ultraviolet radiation. All that is necessary for mainstream support

of this agenda is for President Bush to declare the sun to be a

terrorist in possession of nuclear weapons. " The sun is dangerous, "

the FDA said in a recent press release. " Just looking at it can make

you go blind. What more proof do you need? "

 

All Americans who currently have inventory of vitamin D pills or

fish oil supplements are being asked to turn them in at their

nearest pharmacy or face still penalties. The FDA promises to

dispose of all the supplements in a safe, responsible manner by

feeding them to prisoners in a series of radical medical

experiments.

 

In other news, the FDA said it was ready to grant approval to the

newest anticancer drug, called Herceptin, which, quite miraculously,

has been shown to reduce the risk of recurring breast cancer by

almost 1 percent. The drug will soon be available by prescription at

the low cost of $11,000 per year, per patient. Following the

announcement of Herceptin, an FDA spokesperson said, " Why do we need

to take risks with dangerous vitamin D when we have clinically

proven products like Herceptin ready to be safely used by everyone? "

 

Moderator's Note:

Sarcasm at it's best!!

JG

[Guest guest]

JoAnn Guest wrote:

> FDA outlaws vitamin D, seeks to destroy sun to protect Americans

> from sunlight (satire)

> Friday, August 18, 2006 by: Mike Adams

> Key concepts: Vitamin D, the FDA and sunscreen.

>

>

> http://www.newstarget.com/020037.html

>

> In a surprising move, the FDA has now banned the manufacture and use

> of vitamin D, citing studies that show vitamin D to be a powerful

> physiological substance that needs to undergo FDA approval before

 

This article is hardly satire remembering past actions of FDA!!!!!!!

[Guest guest]

, Rod <tractor

wrote:

>

> JoAnn Guest wrote:

> > FDA outlaws vitamin D, seeks to destroy sun to protect Americans

> > from sunlight (satire)

> > Friday, August 18, 2006 by: Mike Adams

> > Key concepts: Vitamin D, the FDA and sunscreen.

> >

> >

> > http://www.newstarget.com/020037.html

> >

> > In a surprising move, the FDA has now banned the manufacture and

use

> > of vitamin D, citing studies that show vitamin D to be a powerful

> > physiological substance that needs to undergo FDA approval before

>

> This article is hardly satire remembering past actions of FDA!!!!!!!

>

how can the people stop this illegal move by the fda ?..i thought

this was the united states of america!!!..freedom!!!..what happened

to that...?..people are getting prosecuted for selling natural

vitamins and other products?..what is this nazi germany?....the

people need to speak loud to stop this madness...