Steve Don't Eat It: Potted Meat Food Product

August 25, 2006

The Sneeze

Steve Don't Eat It

Join me in saying F YOU to my taste buds...

Steve, Don't Eat It! Vol. 1

Potted Meat Food Product

There aren't too many products that feel the need to reassure you that

they are, in fact, " food. " Already not a good sign.

The list of ingredients is long and horrifying, coming right out of

the gate with " MECHANICALLY SEPARATED CHICKEN. " Oddly enough, I'm

about to be separated from my lunch, and I haven't even opened the can

yet.

Other ingredients include BEEF TRIPE, BEEF HEARTS, AND " PARTIALLY

DE-FATTED COOKED PORK FATTY TISSUE " How does one de-fat fat? Bizarre.

God knows what else is in here.

Okay, I'm going to go try it now. If i'm not back in ten minutes, call

Poison Control...

Pate D'Ass

I'm back. Oofah.

Okay, here we go-- Pulling back the lid (not recommended) lets loose

an odor that punches you in the nose like a stinky fist. If you've

ever smelled a can of dog food, it's just like that. Only imagine you

are opening the can while your head is wedged in a horse's ass.

Inside is a smooth, oddly pink meat paste. So smooth, in fact, I dare

call it " creamy. " (I actually got a little gaggy just typing that.)

Surprisingly, it was a little spicier than I expected. Although, that

sensation may have been a by-product of my tastebuds dying.

The can shows a serving suggestion of the Potted Meat being served on

squares of toast. I would also suggest squares of toilet paper. Or

maybe a nice diaper.

All I can tell you is, I survived the first installment of " Steve,

Don't Eat It. " And I have to admit it may have even been a little

educational. I know I learned at least one thing from " Ralph's Potted

Meat " -- Ralph is a fucking dick.

Not surprisingly, I've come up with a little slogan the peeps who

handle Potted Meat Marketing can use (no charge, as always): POTTED

MEAT FOOD PRODUCT: Made By, For, And With Assholes.

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