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Friday, August 11 12:00 PM ET

TSA Requiring Travelers to Empty Bladders Before

Boarding Planes

By Brian Briggs

 

Washington DC - Terrorists in London planned to use

liquid bombs to destroy ten airplanes headed to the US

from London's Heathrow airport.

This has prompted the TSA to ban passengers from

bringing on any sorts of liquids or gels including

urine in passengers' bladders.

 

" All airline passengers must empty their bladders

completely before boarding, " said Homeland Security

Secretary Chertoff in an announcement on Thursday.

" Terrorists could drink contents of the bomb

separately then put their streams together in the

plane's bathroom to create an explosive. We just can't

take that chance. "

 

The new restrictions have caused long lines at airport

bathrooms, but most passengers are taking the rules in

stride. " I hate peeing on the airplane anyway so I'm

happy to denigrate myself further if it keeps the

airplane safe, " said Harold Franklin from

Indianapolis.

 

Ben Hawkins, a chemist from Albany flying to Cleveland

said, " I don't think it's even possible for people to

create a liquid bomb with urine.

Either drinking the explosives would kill them or the

body would break down the chemicals making them

harmless. " Other travelers at the gate overhearing his

comments called him " unAmerican " and " a slave to

science. "

 

The new rules also restrict one person per bathroom on

flights which will severely limit entrance into the

Mile High Club.

For now the TSA is only limiting urine in the

passengers' body and not other liquids such as blood,

saliva or breast milk, but those restrictions could be

coming.

" We have to explore all our options, " said Secretary

Chertoff. " If we have to suck the blood from all the

passengers on every plane in America to keep them safe

that's what we'll do. "

 

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