Been there, done That

[Guest guest]

I am the very model of a Newsgroup Personality

I intersperse obscenity with tedious banality.

Addresses I have plenty of, both genuine and ghosted

too,

On all the countless newsgroups that my drivel is

cross-posted to.

 

Your bandwidth I will fritter with my whining and my

snivelling,

And you're the one who pays the bill downloading all

my drivelling.

My enemies are numerous, and no one would be blaming

you

For cracking my head open after I've been rudely

flaming you.

 

I hate to lose an argument (by now I should be used to

it).

I wouldn't know a valid point if I was introduced to

it.

My learning is extensive but consists of mindless

trivia,

Designed to fan my ego, which is larger than Bolivia.

 

The comments that I vomit forth, disguised as jest and

drollery,

Are really just an exercise in unremitting trollery.

I say I'm frank and forthright, but that's merely lies

and vanity,

The gibberings of one who's past the limit of his

sanity.

 

If only I could get a life, as many people tell me to;

If only mum could find a circus freak-show she could

sell me to;

If I go off to Zanzibar to paint the local scenery;

If I lose all my fingers in a mishap with machinery;

 

If I survive to forty, which is somewhat

problematical;

If what I post was more mature, or slightly more

grammatical;

If I could learn to spell a bit, and maybe even

punctuate;

Would I still be the loathsome, objectionable punk you

hate?

 

But while I have this tiresome urge to prance around

and show my face,

It's simply isn't safe for normal people here in

cyberspace.

To stick me in Old Sparky and turn on the electricity

Would be a fitting punishment for my ego-excentricity.

 

I always have the last word and so, with utmost

finality,

That's all from me, the very model of a Newsgroup

Personality.

 

- Anon