The Decider as Avenger

[Guest guest]

Bush Promises Revenge on Mother Nature

for Recent Disasters

– Seven Natural Wonders of the World Targeted

 

 

 

President George W. Bush has vowed revenge on Mother

Nature for the death and destruction she’s unleashed

in the form of giant hurricanes, earthquakes and

tsunamis in recent months.

Calling the attacks “Unprovoked and ruthless” Bush

pledged to spare no measure of his nation’s military

and industrial strength in taking the war against the

natural world global.

 

 

 

Bush, who’s ties with Mother Nature have been tenuous

since his first day in office, have become

increasingly frayed by his administration’s

anti-environmental policies over the last few years.

However, despite his own contribution to the ongoing

conflict, the President adamantly opposes any new

policy of pacification with nature, favoring instead

an approach of bold, unbridled aggression against his

adversary.

 

 

 

“Mother Nature has shown her true face, and it is not

pretty. It is an evil face that mocks and spits at

you while the mighty arms attached to its fat blood

engorged body callously smash your house and the

houses of your friends and neighbors, picking dazed

survivors from the wreckage to shove hundreds at a

time into her greedy jagged fanged stink hole of a

mouth,” Bush spoke earlier this week, continuing on in

this vein for some time before proceeding, “But we

will not be cowed. We will retaliate in kind, and

with great sacrifice and resolve we shall prevail over

this cruel butcher of Earth.”

 

Perhaps to demonstrate the force of his conviction,

Bush has wasted little time since announcing his

intentions in initiating his reprisal on nature,

announcing yesterday that his administration was

taking steps to conclude the final dismantling of the

Kyoto Protocol - the international accord dedicated to

reducing the worlds emission of air pollution - and

ordering the aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln to the

Bay of Bengal where it will assume combat readiness

for an imminent attack on the Himalaya Mountains.

 

“If Mother Nature wants a war, then, regrettably,

there’ll be a war,” A more solemn Bush pledged during

a press conference yesterday, “We’ll fight fire with

fire and tsunami with nuclear warhead. It will be a

war of attrition, but it’s a war we’ll win. We’ll

remain on the offensive by further strip mining the

Appalachian Mountains and drilling for oil in Alaska’s

National Wildlife Refuge, and if she still refuses to

submit we’ll commence a nuclear campaign against the

seven natural wonders of the world, beginning with

Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe but excluding the Grand

Canyon since there’s no real point in bombing a big

hole in the ground.”

 

President Bush also addressed the possibility of any

resistance to his plans the international community

might mount.

 

“This struggle will be one made with the interests of

the entire planet at heart,” he proclaimed, “But if

the leaders of the nations that inhabit it are too

shortsighted to recognize this fact and it becomes

necessary for us to exert the superior strength of our

military in order to pave the plains of the Serengeti

or turn the rain forests of the Amazon into a stagnant

swamp by harvesting all of it’s trees and mining it

for coal, then so be it.”

 

c news mutiny