The Decider:“Iraqis Will Be Free ...

[Guest guest]

8/3/2006

President: “Iraqis Will Be Free

or Extinct by Year’s End”

 

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

 

(Washington, D.C.)—President Bush, in what has become

rote justification for US involvement in Iraq, offered

some stirring rhetoric this morning for critics who

insist on a military timetable: by the end of 2006,

all Iraqis will be fully liberated or blown to

smithereens.

 

Mr. Bush outlined his new assessment of the conflict

in exacting terms.

 

“I know the American people need answers—they see the

car bombings, the senseless murder of children, the

insatiable hatred of terrorism,” Bush rallied during a

press conference this morning. “That is why, after

long deliberation and careful planning, this

administration is confident in announcing that all

Iraqis will be free from tyranny by year’s end—as long

as they haven’t been blown the fuck up.”

 

The president’s new assertion comes at a difficult

time, as there appears to be vast international

paralysis on the Israeli-Lebanon conflict, and much of

Iraq has descended into the quicksand of civil war.

 

Given this stark reality, Mr. Bush’s latest

pronouncement seems to instill hope in many.

 

“Hey man—I didn’t watch my buddies die face down in

the mud to cut and run on this thing,” remarked Dano

Fatetelli, 23, Lance Corporal U.S.M.C., who now works

highway construction on the D.C. Beltway. “We’ve come

too far to give up on democracy.”

 

Fatetelli added thoughtfully, leaning on his

jackhammer: “Look—we’re either gonna save those poor

people from terrorism, or watch them all die from

bazooka blasts and shit—it’s just that simple.”

 

Copyright 2006, National Nitwit®