The Dangers Of Thinking

[Guest guest]

The Shadow on:

 

 

The Dangers Of Thinking

 

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at

parties now and then -- just to loosen up.

 

Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and

soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to

think alone -- to relax, I told myself -- but I knew

it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more

important to me, and finally I was thinking all the

time.

 

That was when things began to sour at home. One

evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife

about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her

mother's.

 

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and

employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I

began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read

Thoreau and Kafka.I would return to the office dizzied

and confused, asking, What is it exactly we are doing

here?

 

One day the boss called me in. He said " Listen, I like

you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking

has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking

at work, you'll have to find another job. "

 

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early

after my conversation with the boss. " Honey, I

confess, I've been thinking... "

 

" I know you've been thinking, " she said, " and I want a

divorce! "

 

" But Honey, surely it's not that serious. "

 

" It is serious, " she said, lower lip aquiver. " You

think as much as college professors, and college

professors don't make any money, so if you keep on

thinking, we won't have any money! "

 

" That's a faulty syllogism, " I said impatiently. She

exploded in tears of

rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal

with the emotional drama.

 

" I'm going to the library, " I snarled as I stomped out

the door.

 

I headed for the library, in the mood for some

Nietzsche. I roared into the

parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the

big glss doors...

 

They didn't open. The library was closed.

 

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking

out for me that

night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for

Zarathustra, a poster

caught my eye, " Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your

life? " it asked.

 

You probably recognize that line. It comes from the

standard Thinkers

Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a

recovering thinker.

 

I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a

non-educational video; last week it was " Porky's. "

Then we share experiences about how we avoided

thinking since the last meeting.

 

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at

home. Life just

seemed..easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped

thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly

complete for me.

 

Today I made the final step. I registered to vote as a Republican.