'A' IS FOR 'ARREST,' 'B' IS FOR 'BAIL'

[Guest guest]

" 'A' IS FOR 'ARREST,' 'B' IS FOR 'BAIL' "

 

The bookstore has dozens of books that teach children the alphabet.

Some do it through popular characters such as Big Bird and Elmo,

others by showing everyday life: 'F' is always for 'Firefighter,' 'K'

is for 'Kite,' and 'O' is for 'Outsourcing.' Then there's one that's

rather popular in the big city, written by a mother to help her

children understand their father's drug and alcohol problems:

 

A is for 'Arrest.'

 

It's what the police do when they take Daddy away;

He gets to ride in a cool car and doesn't have to pay.

 

B is for 'Bail.'

 

It's the money we pay to get Daddy out of jail;

It's the reason the pawn shop has Mommy's ring for sale.

 

C is for 'Crime.'

 

It's what Daddy does to pay for food, toilet paper and soap;

He'd get a regular job if he wasn't such a dope.

 

D is for 'Drugs.'

 

Daddy isn't a pharmacist, but he's sold many drugs;

He isn't a model, but he's posed for many mugs.

 

E is for 'Escape.'

 

That's what Daddy's always trying to do;

Breaking out of prison or smoking a joint or two.

 

F is for 'Fool.'

 

Applying for work, Daddy listed his previous job as 'felon';

Those drugs have turned his brain into a watermelon.

 

G is for 'Government. "

 

Daddy blames them for all his woes,

Not all that stuff he puts up his nose.

 

H is for 'Hunk.'

 

When Mommy married Daddy, he was such a hunk;

Then he took drugs and everything shrunk.

 

I is for Inadequate.

It's what Daddy feels when they lock him up;

His cell mate expects him to wear a D-cup.

 

J is for 'Judgment.'

 

It's how Daddy's time in prison is often spent,

Trying to figure out what the judge meant.

 

K is for 'Kilogram.'

 

That's how much cocaine Daddy hid in his pants;

He looked like a stud, but only at first glance.

 

L is for 'Love.'

 

It's the reason Mommy stays with Daddy through thick and thin;

The reason Daddy's always kissing his bottle of gin.

 

M is for 'Marriage.'

 

It's a word Daddy sometimes mixes up with 'Marijuana';

He tried to buy it on our honeymoon in Tijuana.

 

N is for 'Nearsighted.'

 

Daddy's always nearsighted, seeking short-term gain;

If he thought about our future, he'd short-circuit his brain.

 

O is for 'Orange.'

 

It's what Daddy wears when he's on the prison crew,

The only time in life he's brighter than you.

 

P is for 'Probation.'

 

It's what Daddy got when he committed his first crime,

A good opportunity to do it another time.

 

Q is for 'Quarter.'

 

Daddy tried to sell some crack to a Fed;

That's because he used only a quarter of his head.

 

R is for 'Remorse.'

 

It's what Daddy's expected to show during his trial;

When the charges are listed, Mommy wishes he wouldn't smile.

 

S is for 'Swearing.'

 

It's those four-letter words Daddy likes to use,

Especially on those nights when he runs out of booze.

 

T is for 'Testimony.'

 

It's what those people say about Daddy in court;

It's like getting an 'F' on a school report.

 

U is for 'Underachiever.'

 

Daddy hasn't achieved much in his life so far,

Unless you count those drinking contests at the bar.

 

V is for 'Visitation.'

 

It's the quality time you spend with Daddy in jail,

When he tells you his dinner tastes like uncooked snail.

 

W is for 'Withdrawal.'

 

It's what Daddy goes through when he hasn't had drugs in a day;

He withdraws to the shed and tries to smoke some hay.

 

X is for 'X-ray.'

 

Once, at the airport, they put Daddy through the x-ray;

You'd be amazed what they found under his toupee.

 

Y is for 'Year.'

 

Daddy had a job for a year in the slammer;

He made license plates for the state of Alabama.

 

Z is for 'Zero.'

 

That's the amount of joy Daddy's drugs have brought;

If he were a trash man, we'd be smiling a lot.

 

© Copyright 2006 Melvin Durai.