It's about Time!

[Guest guest]

JUNE 21, 2006

 

Bush Wants Santa’s Data

on Millions of American Families

 

 

WASHINGTON, DC — Not content with obtaining the phone

records of everybody in America, the Bush

Administration is now pressing Santa Claus to hand

over copies of letters he has received from American

children.

 

To support his case, President Bush has asserted that

Santa poses a " serious danger to all freedom loving

nations in the world. "

 

During a briefing, Donald Rumsfeld held up photos of

Santa Claus and Saddam Hussein to help make the case.

" Take a close look at Santa and Saddam, in the chin

region. Notice anything similar there? That's right!

They both have that telltale 'I Hate Freedom' beard. "

 

Rumsfeld also made the observation that Mr. Claus has

been known to use numerous aliases.

 

" We have intelligence, gathered over decades and

corroborated by England, that Claus possesses the

technology that enables him to circumnavigate the

globe in less than 24 hours without any possibility of

being detected. And it is widely believed that he can

accomplish this feat while delivering packages to

nearly every residence he passes, " said Rumsfeld.

 

NASA scientists have deduced that such a vehicle would

need to be capable of speeds almost three quarters of

the speed of light.

 

Even if Santa himself does not plan on using this

technology against the United States, the mere

possibility of this technology falling into the wrong

hands is reason enough to launch a full-scale invasion

of the North Pole, said Rumsfeld.

 

Rumsfeld went on to demonstrate, with the use of

satellite photos, that Santa seems to have enslaved a

large number of little people to work in his

manufacturing plant, also know as the 'workshop'.

 

" The output of the 'workshop' is truly staggering. We

are also investigating allegations that Santa has used

chemical agents on his own people, though it is

unclear what the exact chemical makeup of 'pixy dust'

actually is.

 

" All of these facts coupled with information gathered

by British intelligence that Claus has been keeping a

database of every Christian family in the world – and

an increasing number of Jewish families who want to

participate in the ‘present’ thing – is deeply

troubling. "

 

 

Copyright © 2001-2006 Bongo News, Inc.